Genital Jokes

Genital Jokes

Female Genitalia Jokes  Male Genitalia Jokes 



When God made man, he made him out of string.
  He had a little left, so he left a little thing.
When God made woman, he made her out of lace.
  He didn't have enough, so he left a little space.



Hear about the woman who swallowed a razor blade?
Within 24 hours she castrated her Pastor, gave herself a 
hysterectomy, circumcised her husband, and gave her lover 
a harelip.


 
How do you tell betwin a boy cromazone and a girl cromazone?
YOU PULL DOWN THEIR GENES!



Why does pussy smell like fish?
The same reason that cum looks like tartar sauce.



Define:  Burning love.
When you grab the Vicks when you're reaching for the KY.

 

Whats long and thin, covered in skin, red in parts, and goes in tarts?
Rhubarb
 


What do you call the line of hair that connects your pubic hair 
 to your chest hair?
A Crab Ladder.
 


  A guy was telling his buddy that his wife could always tell when 
he had been messing around just by looking at his eyes. 
  His buddy said, "No wonder, you have a pubic hair hanging from 
your eyelid!"



Have you heard about the new X-rated film for midgets?
It features full runtal nudity. 



  Tony tells his friend Lee, "My wife is learning genital 
muscle control."
  Lee says, "How's that grab you?"



  A little girl and little boy are comparing their differences. 
The little Girl asks if she can touch his?
  "NO!" He shouted, "You broke your's off!"



  Girl says to guy:  
3 and 3 is 6 and 3 is 9,
I can tell the length of yours,
but you can't tell the depth of mine.

  Guy says to girl:
3 and 3 is 6 and 3 is 9,
I can pee in yours, 
but you can't pee in mine.

 

Person 1: How many legs will you find on 4 black roosters?
Person 2: 8
Person 1: ok, and how many wings will that same 4 roosters have?
Person 2: 8
Person 1:How many heads will that same 4 roosters have?
Person 2: 4
Person 1: Very good, now how many hairs on the back of a white cat?
person 2: I dont know!
Person 1:  Well it seems that you know a lot more about black cock 
that you do white pussy!



A woman's three biggest lies:
1) Your dick is enormous.
2) You are the greatest!
3) It doesn't usually smell like that.



  A man and a woman were deeply in love. She, being of a religious
nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted so bad. 
In fact, he had never even seen her naked.
  One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his 
slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. 
"Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit 
you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing."
  He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
  He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60, 
off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties. 
Now, seeing her naked for the first time, and traveling faster than
he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car.
  He veered off the road, over an embankment and wrapped the car 
around a tree. His girlfriend was thrown clear, but he was trapped. 
She tried to pull him free but alas, he was stuck.
  "Go up to the road and get help," he said.
  "But I haven't anything to cover myself with!" she replied.
  The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.
  "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he 
told her.
  So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
  Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the
road, he pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend, my boyfriend!"
she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"
  The truck driver, looking down at the shoe between her legs, 
replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, i'm afraid there's no hope 
for him."



  This guy is sitting at the end of the bar looking gloomy. 
His friend arrives and sits down beside him. 
  "Why so glum, chum?" he asks his sad friend.
  "Oh, its my wife, she beats me at everything we compete at.
Jogging, bowling, tennis, cards...just everything."
  The friend orders a beer and pauses to think. "I know," he
exclaims, "Challenge her to a pissing contest."
  "A pissing contest?"
  "Surely you can out distance her on that...do it on the front
lawn so you can see the difference."
  "Ok, I'll do it."
  So he goes home and says to his wife, "I challenge you to
distance pissing contest. We'll meet on the front lawn after
dark."
  So they each prepare themselves drinking lots of beverage
prior to the contest. After dark they meet and the husband
suggests the wife go first. So she drops her drawers and lets
out with a modest shower.
  Hubby steps up, drops his drawers, and grabs his "equipment". 
  His wife says, "Ah, no, dear. No hands allowed."



  One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first 
time in her life.  Having failed to understand what was going 
on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble 
with little Johnny.
 Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. 
  Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a
doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"



  These three boys have just got their grades from their female 
sex education teacher. One of them got a D+, the second one got 
a D- and the third got an E.
  "We should get her for this," says the first boy.
  "Yeah, let's grab her..." says the second.
  "Yeah," interrupts the third, "And then let's kick her in 
the nuts."



  The husband said to his wife "You're so frigid I bet you put 
cold-cream between your legs."
  And his wife replied, "Yeah well we know why you put vanishing 
cream between yours!"


 
  Mom walked into the bathroom one day and found young Johnny 
furiously scrubbing his penis with a toothbrush and toothpaste.
  "What the heck do you think you're doing, young man!" she
exclaimed.
  "Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this
three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a
cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's."



  There were these two ovaries, and they were cleaning their house. 
They continued to dust and vacuum, when all of a sudden they heard 
a knock at the door. One ovary told the other to sit down and relax 
while she got the door. 
  The ovary walked up to the door,and looked through the peep hole,
and what she saw, she didn't want to let in. 
  The ovary went in to the other room, to find the other ovary lying
on the couch. 
  "Did you order furniture?" The ovary asked.
  "No,...why?"
  The other ovary replied, "Because there are two nuts at the door 
trying to shove in an organ!" 



  A young couple have been married for just over a month, and the young
bride isn't getting any sex. Every night her husband arrives home from 
work, then has a quick shower and heads down to the pub. Afterwards, 
he stumbles home completely intoxicated and unfit for any sexual activity. 
  On this night, though, the young bride decides to surprise her husband. 
When he stumbles home from the bar, his wife is seated provocatively on 
the sofa, wearing nothing but suspenders, stockings, and a pair of sexy 
lace panties.
  The drunken husband remarks, "Let's go upstairs into the bedroom."
  As the young bride runs upstairs, she says under her breath, "Yes! 
Finally, I'm gonna get some action!"
  When she enters the bedroom, she removes her outer garments and sits 
on the edge of the bed in her lace panties. 
  The husband stumbles into the bedroom and says, "Take off your panties 
and do a handstand in front of the mirror."
  "Kinky," she thinks to herself, "Great!"
  She proceeds to do a handstand in front of the mirror. Then, he walks 
over to her, parts her legs, and places his chin in her crotch... 
  "The guys at the bar were right," he said, "Perhaps a beard would 
suit me!"


  
  It was a hot day in Minnesota.  Helga hung up the wash, put a roast 
in the oven, then went downtown to pick up some dry-cleaning.
  "Gudness, it's hot," she mused as she walked down the Main Street.
She passed by a tavern and thought, "vy nodt?"  
  Helga sat at the bar, and the bartender asked her what she would 
have.  Helga said, "Ya know, it's so hot, I tink I'll haff myself a 
cold beer."
  The bartender, Harris Hoganson, asked, "Anhauser Busch?"
  Helga, surprised, replied, "Vell fine, tanks. Undt how's your pecker??"
 

 
  There was once two little kids, Bobby and Susie, and they 
lived next door to each other their entire lives.  These two 
kids were very competitive of one another.  If one got a swing 
set, the other had to have a swing set and a jungle gym.  If 
one got 20 dollars for their birthday, the other had to have 
$25.  This went on for quite a while.
  One day Susie got a new bike, and Bobby's parents said he 
didn't need to have a new one. Meanwhile, Susie keeps riding 
past Bobby's house, trying to show off her new bike.  Bobby 
goes into his house crying.  When his father asked him why 
she was crying, Bobby told his father his story.  His
father got a big grin on his face and whispered something 
in his ear.
  The next day, Susie is once again showing off her new bike.
  "Bobby, I got a new bike and you didn't.  I'm better than 
you are!" said Susie.
  Bobby just grinned, pulled down his pants and said, "So, 
look what I've got. This is something you'll never have!"
  Knowing that she had been defeated, she ran home crying.  
She told her parents what Bobby had shown her and they both 
smiled and told her something that made her very happy.
  The next day, Bobby again pulls down his pants to show 
Susie the treasure he possesses.
  She smiles, pulled up her skirt and revealed a treasure 
of her own.
  "Oh yeah!", she started. "My mommy and daddy told me that 
with one of these I can have as many of those as I want!"



  The third-string quarterback of the New York Jets says 
to his wife, "Honey, I never get into the game. Will you 
do me a favor? Will you please put on my uniform and sit 
on the bench this Sunday so I can go golfing with the guys?"
  And she agrees, because it helps the joke.
  Here we are at the game, and in the middle of the first 
quarter, the first-string quarterback twists his ankle, and 
the second-string quarterback is put in. She starts to worry...
  Sure enough, with two minutes left until half-time, the 
second-string quarterback gets banged up real bad on a 
play and gets pulled out of the game.
  She gets sent in.
  The very first play, she gets smeared. They load her onto 
a stretcher and rush her into the locker room.
  The trainer says, "O.K., up on the table, off with the suit, 
we're gonna see what we can do."
  They strip her and put her on the training table. He turns 
around, and takes a nice long look...
  She wakes up and the trainer is massaging her breasts.
  The trainer says to her "Don't worry Jonesy, as soon as I 
get your balls back down to where they belong, your dick will 
pop right out".

 


  A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in 
their sex life but always promised not to take a case if he felt he 
could not help them.  The Smiths came to see the doctor, and he gave
them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests
and then concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can 
help you."
  "On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy 
some grapes and some doughnuts.  Go home, take off your clothes and 
you ma'am, sit on the floor with your legs spread while you sir, roll
the grapes across the floor until you make a bullseye in your wife's 
love canal.  Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a 
leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."
  "Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the 
room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his 
love pole. Then, like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume 
the doughnut."
  The couple went home and their sex life became more and more 
wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Jones that they should 
see the good doctor.  The doctor greeted the Jones and said he would 
not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he 
conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.
  Then he told the Jones the bad news.  "I cannot help you, so I will
not take your money.  I believe your sex life is as good as it will 
ever be.  I cannot help."
  The Jones pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the 
Smiths, now please, please help us."
  "Well, all right", the doctor said.  "On your way home from the 
office, stop by the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of
Cheerios..."



  A stripper, in a hurry to get home, leaves the club with nothing 
on but a loose coat. As she crosses the street, a drunk driver skids 
around the corner and hits the stripper, sending her flying into the 
air and landing unconscious on her back, with her charms exposed to 
the world.
  As a crowd gathers, a gentleman places his hat upon the stripper's 
crotch in order to minimize her exposure. In the meantime, the drunk 
driver, hardly aware he just hit someone, staggers over to see what 
all the fuss is about. Noticing the near naked woman lying exposed 
on the street, he points to the strategically placed hat and slurs 
in a loud voice, "Well, the first thing we gotta do is get that guy 
outta there!"


 
   Little Johnny had the nastiest filthiest mouth in his second grade 
class. The teacher was discussing weather this one day and she asked,
 "Does anybody know what's on top of the school's weather vane?
  Johnny is the only student who raises his hand. The teacher calls 
on him.
  "Teacher, there's a BIG COCK!" he smiles
  Why uh Yes, there is a large Rooster, But do you know why it's 
there, Johnny?
  "Sure" he replied, If there was a big pussy, the air would go 
right through!"





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