Union Jokes

Union Jokes



The Custodians of America were in a hiring frenzy because their work
... was really picking up. So they went on strike demanding ...
sweeping reforms.

The Balloon Makers formed a union because their work ... was rapidly
expanding.

The Fortune Tellers did not form a union although they were ... a
spirited group because it became crystal clear that ... there was no
future in it.

The Magicians were worried and did not form a union because of concern
that ... their work was just an illusion, and would soon vanish.

The Electricians union ... took charge and sent the Teamsters Union
... packing. (At least that is the current situation due to an
alternating view.)

The Icecream Makers discovered that their union ... had a hiring
freeze.

The Meat Packers Union found that government ... gave them the cold
shoulder. They felt they had a ... legitimate beef and a steak in
their future, and were willing to meat the government ... half weigh,
but it turned out to be ... much ado about mutton.

The Bakers Union ... could not rise to the occasion when the members
wanted ... more dough.

The Chefs were given ... an absolutely raw deal when they struck for
... a little more spice in their life.

War recently broke out among the windows installers association, ...
causing a real pane. Until they had a major break through that ... was
a shattering success.

The Painters Union was ... all primed for a strike but was ... rolled
right over by the Floor Covering Union that ... laid down the law
because they were ... stretched tight.

The Professional Bowlers Association did ... go an a major strike, but
were ... split on the issues.

The Professional Wrestlers wanted to form a union because they felt
that ... they were being pinned by those holding them down, and they
did not want ... to be counted out.

Employees at AAMCO Mufflers complain to their union that ... it is
exhausting work.

The Blacksmiths Union recently merged with the Plumbers Union and
now... they are forging ahead.

The Lumberjack Union ... couldn't hack it and failed because so many
of their members were ... given the axe.

The Barbers and Hair Dressers Union was another group that failed
because ... they couldn't cut it.

The Orange Juice Workers organized because so many of the employees
...were getting canned. Their employers were ,,, putting the squeze on
their workers to the point that they ... could no longer concentrate.

Physicians and Surgeons will never have a union because ... they do
not have the patients and do not treat anyone well even though they
... have the practice.

The Morticians Union had to follow the medical profession and had ...
a grave undertaking that their members could not ... bury themselves
in their work.

The dentists, however, had to organize because their work was ... hand
to mouth. They found that getting dentists to cooperate was ... like
pulling teeth and they had a lot of holes ... to fill. But they
succeeded because they ... had a lot of pull when the dentists were
... down in the mouth.

The Tailors Union found out that many of their members ... were not
suited for the job. It didn't matter because ... the work was just sew
sew. The members h... hemmed and hawed at being buttonholed because
they felt the union was ... skirting the issue. 
(This deserves a thread of its own.)

The Musicians Union had no business ... to conduct because there were
no complaints that ... were noteworthy, but they were ... composed,
well-versed, and knew the score.

The Math Teachers Union had ... too many problems while the English
Teachers Union ... had no class. The administrators did not organize
because of ... the principal of the thing.

The Delicatessen Workers Union had to ...sandwich their meetings
between shifts and couldn't ... cut the mustard when their members ...
had a beef. They realized the ... wurst is yet to come.

The Hydroelectric Power Union had to call off the strike after their
members ... got tired of the whole damn thing.

The Actors Union ...did not play a role when the actors ... staged a
protest without a script.

The Pilots Union had ... to learn to fly from the ground up.

The Astronomers Union found that their members were ... always looking
up.

The Coal Miners union ... labored in vein.

The Banker's Union was lead by ... men of principle who always ...
took an interest in their work.

The Dairy Workers owe everything they have ... to udders.

The Matador's Union had to ... take the bull by the horns.

The Jockey's Union was ... on the right track.

The Elevator Operators Union has had ... its ups and downs.

The Cartoonist's Union knew where ... to draw the line.

The Manicurist's Union has its ... hands full making certain its
members get paid any time they ... lift a finger.

The Realtor's Union had ... a lot on its mind because its members
believed ... in deeds, not words.



MEMBERSHIP DUES 
(From a local association's newsletter)

Forget the slander you have heard,
Forget the hasty unkind word.
Forget the quarrel and the cause,
Forget the whole affair, because
Forgetting is the only way.

Forget the trials you have had,
Forget the weather if it's bad, 
Forget the knocker, he's a freak,
Forget him seven days a week.

Forget the gray lines in your hair.
Forget you're not a millionaire,
Forget the coffee when it's cold,
Forget to knock, forget to scold,
Forget to even get the blues,

BUT DON'T FORGET  TO PAY YOUR DUES!



  A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas 
and decided to check out the local brothels.  When he got to 
the first one, he asked the Madame, "Is this a union house?"
  "No, I'm sorry, it isn't," said the Madame.
  "Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?", he 
asked.
  "The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20."
  Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped 
off down the street in search of a more equitable shop. His 
search continued until he finally reached a brothel where the 
Madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house."
  "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?", he 
questioned.
  "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
  "That's more like it!" the man said.  He looked around the 
room, pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead, plunked down 
his $100 and said, "I'd like her for the night."
  "I'm sure you would, sir", said the Madame, as she scooped 
up his money and gestured to a grotesque woman in her 
seventies, "but Ethel here has seniority."



Top 10 Excuses Why the Day Of Protest Failed to Shutdown Toronto

10) The working conditions sucked.
9)  Most folks don't make 20 bucks an hour and thus couldn't 
    afford the day off work.
8)  Kid had a hockey game, couldn't borrow a hockey helmet to 
    go protest at Queen's Park.
7)  Too busy featherbedding to get the job done.
6)  Too hung over after the GM settlement party.
5)  Had a strike half way through the protest over the tastes 
    great less filling issue.
4)  Hey! We were told there would be MPP's to spit on!
3)  Too long a line at the beer tent, hit the strip club 
    instead.
2)  Kept forgetting the lyrics to Solidarity Forever.
1)  It was a union job.  Delays are inevitable.



A WORTHY CAUSE
Please pass this form to as many people as you know!!
We need to show the world just how they can help.

Help Feed AA Pilots
---- ---- -- ------

  It's just not right.  Thousands of pilots in our very own 
country are living at or just below the six figure salary line.
And if that wasn't bad enough, many of them may go several 
weeks or months without a paycheck if they are forced by 
American Airlines management to strike.

  But now you can help.  For about three hundred dollars a day,
~ that's less than the price of a 25" television set ~ you can 
help keep a pilot economically viable during their time of need.
 
  Three hundred dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money 
to you, but to a pilot, it could mean the difference between a 
vacation fishing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise.

  For you, three hundred dollars is nothing more than half 
a month's rent or mortgage payment.  But to a pilot, three 
hundred dollars a day will almost replace his or her salary.

  Three hundred dollars a day will enable a pilot to upgrade 
his or her home computer, buy that new 100" television set, 
trade in the 6 month old Lexus for a Ferrari, or enjoy a 
dinner (with champagne) at The Mansion.

  "HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?"

  Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on 
the crew member you sponsor.  Detailed information about his 
or her stocks, bonds, 401K, and real-estate holdings will be 
mailed to your home.  You will be able to watch your pilot's 
net worth grow.  You'll also get information on how they chose 
to invest their 1.2 million dollar lump sum they get upon their 
retirement.

  "HOW WILL THEY KNOW I'M HELPING?"

  Your pilot will be told that he or she has a SPECIAL FRIEND 
that just wants to help.  Although the pilot won't know your 
name, he or she will be able to make collect calls to your 
home via a special operator in case they need more funds.


  I want to help!!  In the event of a strike by the APA, 
I would like to sponsor the crew member listed below.  
I would like to sponsor (circle your selection/s):

___CAPTAIN                        ___F-100 CREW MEMBER
___AN ENTIRE FLIGHT CREW          ___A300 CREW MEMBER
___FIRST OFFICER                  ___SUPER-80 CREW MEMBER
___NAVIGATOR                      ___727 CREW MEMBER
___767 CREW MEMBER                ___MD-11 CREW MEMBER

___Please apply my donation to the crew member most in need.

  Please charge the account listed below $326.25 per day 
(or $350.29 for MD-11 crew members) for the duration of 
the strike.  Please send me a picture of the crew member 
I have sponsored, along with a set of "wings" and my very 
own "new" red S.C.O.P.E. badge (while supplies last)

<> Mastercard   <> Visa   <> American Express    <> Diner's Club
<> AAsset Card  <> Discover Card

Account Number: _________________________________
Expiration Date: ________________________________
Signature: ______________________________________

Send Completed Forms to the APA. Or, Enroll By Phone: 
 (97X)-988-3188

Note:  Sponsors agree not to contact the crew member sponsored 
or their families in person or by other means including, but 
not limited to, phone calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties.
 Contributions made are not tax deductible.  In the event of 
no strike action taken, sponsors agree to a one time 
administration charge of $500.00 to cover administration 
costs of this program.

Bob Scott 
Chuck Ahrens 




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