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A well dressed guy went into a bar for a martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. The guy leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, "Well, it looks like plastic." Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "But it feels like rubber." Curious, the guy asked, "What do you have there?" The drunk replied, "Damned if I know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber." The guy said, "Let me take a look." So the drunk handed it over. The guy rolled it between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't know what it is. Where did you get it anyway?" The drunk replied, "Out of my nose." Nose Picking Glossary * THE KIDDIE PICK: When your by yourself and uninhibently twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom. And the best part is there is no limit. * CAMOUFLAGED KIDDIE PICK: When in the presence of other people, you wrap forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in deep and hold back the smile. * FAKE NOSE SCRATCH: When you make believe you've got an itch but your really trolling the nostril edge for stray boogers. * MAKING A MEAL OUT OF IT: You do it so furiously, and for so long your probably entitled to dessert. * SURPRISE PICKINGS: When a sneeze or laugh causes snot to come hurtling out of your nose and you have to gracefully clean it off your shirt. * AUTOPICK: The kind you do in a car when no ones looking. * PICK YOUR BRAINS: Done in private this is the one where your finger goes in so far it passes the septum. * PICK AND SAVE: When you have to pick it quickly, just when someone looks away, and than you pocket the snot so they don't catch on to what you did. * PICK AND ROLL: No explanation needed. * PICK AND FLICK: Ditto. * PICK AND STICK: You wanted it to be a "PICK AND FLICK" but it stubornly clings to your fingertip. * PAYDIRT: The kind when you remove a piece of snot so big it improves your breathing by 90%. |
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