A friend of mine works in a camera store. The other day a very confused looking woman approached the counter and handed my friend a camera. She said "I took pictures, but I forgot to have film in the camera. Can you please get them out of the camera for me?" One day I was working in the darkroom with my girlfriend. Things started out negative but soon I was enlarging. As it started to develop, I told her we should stop before we got into a fix, but she said it would all come out in the wash. The Black & White photo process summarized... why, what were you thinking? There were these two sisters Luella and Rose. They were going to get a picture taken of themselves as they just got their checks. They go to the studio and after the photographer fools with the camera he tells Rose to sit quietly because he had to focus. Well, Luella being out of hearing says, "Huh?" Rose says, "Be still girl he's gonna focus!" Luella looks and says, "Both of us?" The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon". Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to..." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a speciality of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in 5 minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know it!!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown Manhattan." "Oh my god!!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture. "She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Central Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. "Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh, equipment?". "That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." "Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now. "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?... Good Lord, she's fainted!!" A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?" |
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