Leper Jokes

Leper Jokes

Q: Did you hear what happened when the leper who ran into a
   screen door?
A: He strained himself.

Q. What do you call a leper in a hot tub?
A. Chowder

How do you fit 47 lepers in a Volkswagen?
Use a blender.

How do you get them out?
Use Doritos.

What's the difference between a leper and a tree?
A tree has limbs.

What do you do when a female leper bats her eyes at you?
Catch 'em and yell "You're OUT!"

How can you tell if you've gotten a letter from a leper?
There's a tongue stuck to the envelope.

"Mrs. Johnson, can Timmy come out to play?"
"Now, boys, you know Timmy has leprosy."
"Then can we come inside and just watch him rot?"

Why did the leper go to the gun dealer?
He wanted to buy some arms.

Why did they cancel the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner!

Did you hear about the leper who laughed his head off?

DId you hear about the guy who picked up a leper at the gay bar?
After he pulled it out, he got himself a nice piece of ass.

How do you make a skeleton?
Put a leper in a wind tunnel.

How do you make leper sausage?
Put a baggie at the other end.

Did you hear about the lepers against the bomb?
They were already disarmed.

How can you stop a leper from robbing a bank?
You dis-arm him.

Never say to a leper, "Give me some skin!"
Worse, don't ask them to give you head.

Why did the hooker leave the leper colony?
Business was dropping off.

What does a leper say to the hooker ?
Answer: keep the tip !

How many lepers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two.  One to screw it in, and the other to give him a hand. 

Why have lepers got soft heads?
So their friends can dip their chips in.

Did you hear about the Leper Card game?
One threw his hand in, one laughed his head off and one cried 
his eyes out.

How do you make spagetti?
Hit a lepper over the head with a tennis racket.

  A man walked into a restaurant and was stopped at the door 
by the host who informed him this was a restaurant for lepers. 
The man hadn't eaten all day and had been travelling for 14 
hours, and begged the host to let him eat there, at this point 
he was desperate for food. The host said, "Okay, if you're sure 
you don't mind the sight, many people have boils, missing body 
parts, and look quite unappetizing." 
  So the man agrees that it will be okay, and he sits down and 
orders his food. He takes one bite and throws up. The waiter 
told him he was sorry, and brought him a new dish. He takes 
on bite, and again throws up. 
  Suddenly, the man sitting in front of him turns around and 
says, "I'm sorry about that my body looks so disgusting with 
all these sores. I can move to another seat if the sight of 
me makes you so ill."     
  The man who has just thrown up twice calmly responds, "It 
is not you that is making me ill, it is the man sitting next 
to you dipping french fries in your back."    

Do you know why the Beatles never played at a lepper colony?
Lend me your ear and i'll sing you a song..."

Did you hear they had to cancel the leper football game?
There was a hand-off at the 50 yard line.

What do you call a leper in a Jacuzzi?
Porridge. No, call him Stew

Hear about the Leper who failed his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.

Why was the Leper unable to talk?
Cat had his tongue.

Why was the Leper kicked off the relay team?
He lost the last leg.

Why did the Leper baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.

Why couldn't the Leper tie his new running shoes?
They cost him an arm and a leg.

Why do Lepers make such good neighbors?
They're always willing to lend a hand.

Why did the Lepers lose the war?
Because they were defeated from the start.

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