Male to English Dictionary Here is the woman's guide to what a man is really saying. Common Phrases: I'm hungry I'm hungry I'm sleepy I'm sleepy I'm tired I'm tired (in a one-on-one situation) Do you want to go to a movie? I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Can I take you out to dinner? I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Can I call you sometime? I'd eventually like to have sex with you. May I have this dance? I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "Can I get your coat?" I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "Let me get your door." I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Nice dress! Nice cleavage You look tense, let me give you a massage I want to fondle you. (in a group) Anyone want to go eat? I want to go eat Who wants to see this movie? Do we have to see this movie? OR Doesn't anyone else want to see this movie? (already trapped in a "relationship") What's wrong? I don't see why are you making such a big deal out of this. OR What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? OR Oh no! Not again! OR WHAT IS IT NOW? OR Quit whining! OR Oh god of all creatures big and small, please don't let it be a long one! OR I guess sex tonight is out of the question. Yes dear Bitch! I'm bored Do you want to have sex? I love you Let's have sex now. "I love you too." Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now! Yes, I missed you How else do you expect me to answer that? And how I missed you Bitch! (answering to her "Did you think that girl was pretty" question) She was alright If an elephant came into the room, would I not see it? Sure, let's go see that play I don't want to go, but you'll make my life miserable if I don't go. Yes, I like the way you cut your hair I liked it better before. OR 50 bucks and it doesn't look that much different! OR For 50 bucks they should have given you more hair instead of taking some away. Let's talk I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me. Hello, FTD? I'd like to send some flowers to my girlfriend/wife... This ought to shut her up for a while at the expense of some humiliation from my male peers. OR This ought to secure sex with her tonight! Will you marry me? I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. OR I might as well get tax benefits for going through these "talks" OR I don't want to have "talks" over the phone anymore. "I've gotta pee" Get out of the way. "I've gotta GO" Get out of the way and stay away until it clears. Good morning." That was great sex...let's have more! See you later." That was great sex...let's have more! (While shopping:) "Yes, that one's nice" Why do you ask when you aren't going to listen anyway? "That one looks great on you" Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! "I like that one better." Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! "Uh huh" Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! "I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." I am gay. "It makes you look fat" I'm really stupid! It is just orange juice, try it. 3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head. She's kind of cute I want to bang her till I am blue I don't know if I like her She won't blow me I need you My hand is tired I had her I had (wet dreams about) her all week. I really want to get to know you better so I can tell my friends about it How do I compare with all your other boyfriends? Is my penis really that small? You're the only girl I've ever cared about You are the only girl who has not rejected me I want you back for tonight anyway We've been through so much together If it wasn't for you, I'd still have my virginity I miss you so much I am so horny that my roommate is starting to look good No, I do not want to dance right now Shoot! She'll know that I have a hard-on The break-up should not start for another 24 hours I want to have sex a few more times I am different from all the other guys I am not circumcised "I'm going fishing." "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "Let's take your car." "Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas." "Woman driver." "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me." "I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." "As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white." "It's a guy thing." "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" "Why isn't it already on the table?" "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling. "Good idea." "It'll never work and I'll spend the rest of the day gloating." "Have you lost weight?" "I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill." "My wife doesn't understand me." "She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them." "It would take too long to explain." "I have no idea how it works." "I'm getting more exercise lately." "The batteries in the remote are dead." "I got a lot done." "I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture." "We're going to be late." "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac." "Hey, I've read all the classics." "I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972." "You cook just like my mother used to." "She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too." "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." "I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra." "Take a break, you're working too hard." "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "That's interesting, dear." "Are you still talking?" "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." "I forgot our anniversary again." "You expect too much of me." "You want me to stay awake." "It's a really good movie." "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear." "That's women's work." "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless." "Will you marry me?" "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter." "Go ask your mother." "I am incapable of making a decision." "You know how bad my memory is." "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe." "Football is a man's game." "Women are generally too smart to play it." "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt." "I do help around the house." "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket." "I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon." "I can't find it." "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "What did I do this time?" "What did you catch me at?" "What do you mean, you need new clothes?" "You just bought new clothes 3 years ago." "She's one of those rabid feminists." "She refused to make my coffee." "But I hate to go shopping." "Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse." "No, I left plenty of gas in the car." "You may actually get it to start." "I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys." "I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions." "I heard you." "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me." "You know I could never love anyone else." "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." "You look terrific." "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving." "I brought you a present." "It was free ice scraper night at the ball game." "I missed you." "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper." "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." "No one will ever see us alive again." "We share the housework." "I make the messes, she cleans them up." "This relationship is getting too serious." "I like you more than my truck." "I recycle." "We could pay the rent with the money from my empties." "Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful." "Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?" "It sure snowed last night." "I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now." "It's good beer." "It was on sale." "I don't need to read the instructions." "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help." "I'll fix the garbage disposal later." "If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one." "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant." "Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window." "I broke up with her." "She dumped me." "Haven't I seen you before?" "Nice ass." "I'm a Romantic." "I'm poor." "I want a commitment." "I'm sick of masturbation." "Was it good for you?" "I'm insecure about my manhood." "I had a wonderful time last night." "Who the hell are you?" "Do you love me?" "I've done something stupid and you might find out." "Do you 'really' love me?" "I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later." "How much do you love me?" "I've done something really stupid and someone's on his way to tell you about it now." "I have something to tell you." "Get tested." "I'll give you a call." "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again." "I've been thinking a lot." "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk." "I think we should just be friends." "You're ugly." "I've learned a lot from you." "Next!!!!" Female to English Dictionary Here is the man's guide to what a woman is really saying. Common Phrases: You want You want We need I want It's your decision The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want You'll pay for this later We need to talk I need to complain Sure... go ahead I don't want you to. I'm not upset Of course I'm upset,you moron. You're...so manly You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You're certainly attentive tonight. Is sex all you ever think about? I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! I'm on my period. Be romantic, turn out the lights. I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient I want a new house. I want new curtains and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper... I need wedding shoes the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white Hang the picture there NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? I'm going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? I did something today you're really not going to like. I'll be ready in a minute. Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. Am I fat? Tell me I'm beautiful. Is my butt fat? Say yes and you'll damn sure never see it again! You have to learn to communicate. Just agree with me. Are you listening to me? Too late, you're dead. Yes No No No Maybe No I'm sorry. You'll be sorry. Do you like this recipe? It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it. Was that the baby? Get out of bed and rock it to sleep. I'm not yelling! Yes, I am yelling! (in answer to "What's wrong?") The same old thing. Nothing. Nothing. Everything. Everything. My PMS is acting up. Nothing, really. It's just that you're such an asshole. I don't want to talk about it. Stick around. I'm still building up steam. The gas tank is empty Go fill it up. The trash is full Take it out Are you cold? Get out of bed and close the window! I'm NOT angry I'm pissed! The dog is barking Go outside in the rain in your underwear and see what is wrong. What do you think of my new hair style? Say it's beautiful - if you value your life. Tell me the truth about my new dress. Lie through your teeth Can't we just be friends? There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine again. I just need some space without you in it. Do I look fat in this dress? We haven't had a fight in a while. No, pizza's fine Cheap bastard! I just do not want a boyfriend now I just don't want YOU as a boyfriend now. I don't know, what do you want to do? I can't believe that you have nothing planned. Come here My puppy does this too I like you, but I don't like you. You never listen You never listen. We're moving too quickly I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend. I'll be ready in a minute I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will. Oh, no, I will pay for myself I am just being nice, there is no way I am going dutch. Oh YES!!! Right there. Well, near there, I just want to get this over with. I'm just going out with the girls We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends. There's no one else I am doing your brother. Size doesn't matter unless I want an orgasm. Can you help me with my Homework? If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me. We need I want How much do you love me? I did something today you're really not going to like I'll be ready in a minute Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV I'm not yelling! Yes I am yelling because I think this is important |
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