Dumb Product Warnings

Dumb Product Warnings


Actual Label Instructions on consumer goods:
      
On Sears hairdryer:
 Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:
 You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
  
On a bar of Dial soap:
 Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners:
 Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
 Fits one head.
      
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) 
 Do not turn upside down. 

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
 Product will be hot after heating.
    
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
 Do not iron clothes on body.
     
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: 
 Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On Nytol sleep aid:
 Warning: may cause drowsiness.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: 
 For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor:
 Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
 Warning: contains nuts.
   
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: 
 Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. 

On a Swedish chainsaw:
 Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. 

On a child's Superman costume:
 Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. 

On a Korean kitchen knife:
 Warning keep out of children
 
On a helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists:
 Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you

On a Taiwanese shampoo: 
 Use repeatedly for severe damage

On the bottle-top of a flavoured milk drink:
 After opening, keep upright

On a New Zealand insect spray:
 This product not tested on animals.

In an american guide to setting up a new computer:
 to avoid condensation forming, allow the boxes to warm up 
to room Temperature before opening.
(Sensible instruction was on the inside of the box.)

On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids:
 Lie down on bed and insert poscool slowly up to the projected 
portion Like a sword-guard into anal duct. While inserting poscool
for Approximately 5 minutes, keep quiet.

On a blanket from taiwan:
 not to be used as protection from a tornado

On a cardboard windshield sun shade:
  "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place."

On an infant's bathtub:
  Do not throw baby out with bath water.

On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges:
  Not meant as substitute for human companionship.

On a Magic 8 Ball:
  Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.

On a roll of Life Savers:
  Not for use as a flotation device.

On a cup of McDonald's coffee:
  Allow to cool before applying to groin area.

On a refrigerator:
  Refrigerate after opening.

On a disposable razor:
  Do not use this product during an earthquake.

On a handgun:
  Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.

On pantyhose:
  Not to be used in the commission of a felony.

On a piano:
  Harmful or fatal if swallowed.

On a can of Fix-a-Flat:
  Not to be used for breast augmentation.

On a Pentium chip:
  If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it
for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97.

On work gloves:
  For best results, do not leave at crime scene.

On a palm sander:
  Not to be used to sand palms.

On a calendar:
  Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. 
  No meteorological warranties express or implied.

On Odor Eaters:
  Do not eat.

On Sen. Bob Dole:
  WARNING: Contents under pressure and may explode.

On a blender:
  Not for use as an aquarium.

On a fax machine:
  WARNING! Never attempt to directly fax anyone an image of 
your naked buttocks. Always photocopy your buttocks and fax
the photocopy.

On a revolving door:
  Passenger compartments for individual use only.

On a microscope:
  Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear.

On children's alphabet blocks:
  Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and 
  sentences that may be deemed offensive.

On a wet suit:
  Capacity, 1.


In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles
Open Other End.
  
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
Why Not Try Tossing Over Your Favorite Breakfast Cereal?




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