E-Mail Jokes

E-Mail Jokes

      How Email Is Like A Penis

1)  Some folks have it, some don't.

2)  Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever 
    cut off.

3)  Those who have it think that those who don't have it are 
    somehow inferior.

4)  Those who have it think it gives them power. 

5)  Those who don't have it may agree that it's an nifty toy, 
    but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have 
    it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it 
    would like to try it.

6)  It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it 
    makes it hard to get any real work done.

7)  In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit 
    information considered vital to the survival of the species. 
    Some people still think that's the only thing it should 
    be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most 
    of the time.

8)  Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some 
    people would just play with it all day if they didn't have 
    work to do! 

9)  It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people 
    take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a 
    lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're 
    dealing with until it's too late.

10) If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it 
    can spread viruses.

11) It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If 
    you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more 
    difficult to think coherently.

12) We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its 
    actual size and influence warrant.

13) If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you 
    in big trouble.

14) It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your 
    intentions, it will warp you behavior. Later you may ask 
    yourself "Why on earth did I do that?"

15) It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, 
    it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.

E-Mail Has Just Been Improved!

INTRODUCING FeMail! (Product Announcement)

This new product will reduce your communications 
needs considerably.

  Its intuitive interactions will often leave you 
scratching your head in wonder.  From your minimal 
communications with this package, it will quickly 
presume who your friends are (and even what their 
habits are), who you should be communicating with 
in order to advance your career, and let you know 
continually whether you are communicating effectively
with the FeMail itself.

  You may find that FeMail reduces your unnecessary 
communications with friends and associates.  Your FeMail 
will intercept incoming communications from all sources 
and make a determination as to whether or not they should 
be relayed to you.  The FeMail is especially thorough
when examining messages from other FeMail systems. These 
messages will be examined for intent as well as content.
  Messages that are received from other Mails will be 
scanned for intention by your FeMail.  Any messages that 
will reduce your productivity at home or at the office 
(invitations to bars or parties, where the FeMail may lose 
contact with you for more than two hours for example) will 
be delivered to you only after they can no longer be acted
upon.  A true productivity increase is then possible, and 
your FeMail will even help your decide how to use this 
spare time to attend to maintenance issues.

  In fact, you may find that the FeMail methods are far 
beyond your comprehension.  Often times the FeMail responses 
you receive will be 180 degrees different than the direction 
you thought you were heading.  In every case though, you will 
be compelled to agree with the decisions that your FeMail 
makes.  Most areas were a FeMail is installed find that
agreeing with the FeMail is easier than attempting to 
justify opposing logic.

  The FeMail package includes modules for Cognitive 
Interpretation, Intuition, Presumptions, Innuendoes (even 
some you may not realize), Inflection, and Encryption.  
(The encryption package is particularly effective, allowing 
other mails absolutely no chance of interpreting interchanges 
between two FeMails).

  You will find yourself becoming dependent on the interactions 
that a FeMail makes possible.  Once the FeMail begins working 
in your daily activities, you may find yourself changing 
certain actions to avoid conflicting with the FeMail 

  The FeMail is extremely comprehensive, and provides only for 
a single user interface in most cases.  The instructions included 
with your FeMail indicates that it may interact openly with other 
Mails in a conversational mode, but that you should never interact 
with someone else's FeMail, even in a conversational mode, and most 
certainly not in an interactive mode.  The FeMail communications 
links have demonstrated an ability to intuit these actions even 
if you believe your FeMail would be unaware of the interaction. 
Continued interaction with FeMails that are not your own will be 
considered a security violation, and you may find yourself cut off 
from interaction with your own FeMail.

  Because of the complexity and high-level of interface required, 
there are certain times (based roughly on a lunar month) when your 
FeMail system may behave erratically.  During this particular cycle, 
your interactions with the FeMail should be monitored closely, and 
offensive or interpretive language removed.  The FeMail may 
misinterpret even simple communications efforts during this short 
time.  This is an unavoidable problem that the FeMail has endured 
since its inception, and we are still attempting to overcome this 
minor glitch.

  Should a misinterpretation occur, your FeMail will store the 
data indefinitely, and only recall the misinterpretation when 
it can loosely associate it with other facts not necessarily 
related to the communications process.  You will find these 
recollections and associations puzzling, but they all contribute 
to the operation of the FeMail system.

  Obtain FeMail today, and you will be surprised at the changes 
it will make in your life!!!!

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