Jeffery Dahmer Jokes

Jeffery Dahmer Jokes


 Dahmer Prison Jokes:

 What were Jeffrey Dahmer's last words?
 "I used to eat guys like YOU for breakfast!"

 What did they find during Jeffrey Dahmer's autopsy?
 Jimmy Hoffa

  Apparently, there was quite a tussle among the inmates 
while splitting his "wishbone".

 What were Jeffrey Dahmer's last words?
 Eat me!

 Someone mentioned a shishkabob style killing.

 Gee and I was so looking forward to his last meal request....

 What did they serve at the wake for Mr. Dahmer?
 Finger sandwiches and mixed nuts

 Did you hear about Dahmer's funeral?
 Open casket, with a buffet afterwards.

 They've requested he be buried in a giant lunchbox.

 What question was asked of all attendees of Dahmer's funeral?
 Will you have soup or salad with that organ?

 What's everyone wearing at Jeffrey Dahmer's funeral?
 A bib.

 The inmates amputated Jeffrey Dahmners nose after he died.
 They cut it in little pieces and spread it on pizza.
 Called it Dahmer-Nose Pizza.

 Dahmer was always one to "take a big bite out of life!"

 What were Jeffrey Dahmer's last words?
 "Uh, can I have this to go?"

 Why did the other guy kill him?
 'Cause he said working with Dahmer was getting to be a bite

 What's the difference between Jefrey Dahmer and an orange?
 An orange gets the pulp pounded out of it *before* it goes 
in the can.

 What did Jefrey Dahmer's killer say just before he killed him?
 I'm gonna have you for lunch.

  Jeffrey Dahmer, a man who touched the hearts and souls of many
children, died today after a lengthy illness.  In his life, he 
was known to cut up many with his sharp wit.  Never known to 
descriminate due to color of skin, Dahmer really sunk his teeth 
into many minority causes.  One of his closest friends was quoted 
as saying, 'Hey he wasn't such a bad guy, he was someone you could 
go to to to simply chew the fat'.

 why was Jeffery Dahmer killed in prison?
 He went berserk after someone offered him lady fingers.

 why was Jeffery Dahmer killed in prison?
 Because he ate all the white meat on thanksgiving.

 Why did the other inmates turn on Dahlmer?
 It was liver & onions day at the mess, and
    they decided they had had enough.

 What kind of shampoo did he use?
 Head and Shoulders!!!!

 What did he say when he first went away to prison?
 I hope this gets me off on the right foot!

 Jeffrey Dahmer wasn't beaten to death...
 He was just tenderized.

 What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and River Phoenix?
 Nothing - they both died after clubbing.

 What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a blowjob?
 Can't beat a blowjob!

 Why did the other prisoner Kill Dahmer?
 Apparently he was talking too much.  He was chewing some 
guy's ear off.

 Why did his fellow inmates beat Jeff to death?
 They discovered he made the giblet gravy for Thanksgiving 
dinner and he refused to show them the ingredient list.

 Why didn't Jeffrey Daumer post bail?
 It would have cost him an arm and a leg.

 Miscellaneous Jokes Before Death:

 Why was the moving van outside of Jeffrey Daumer's
    house the other day?
 He needed more elbow room.

 Jeffrey's Mother:  Jeffrey, I don't like your friends!
 Jeffrey:  Then push them aside and eat the main course!

 What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to OJ?
 Slow down on the carving, I can't keep up!

 What is the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and Playboy?
 Playboy can withstand a beating in the bathroom...

 Why was Jefferey Dahmer despised by his high school drama class?
 He always got the meatiest parts.

 What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after he dumped his girlfriend?
 Wiped his ass!

 What's the difference between O.J. Simpson and Jeffrey Dahmer?
 O.J. only ate one of his victims.

 Jeffery Dahmer tried to escape when Kurt Cobain committed suicide.
 When apprehended, told cops he was seeking knowledge and was
 on the way to have a good old fashion plate of "brain" food.

 Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer and PeeWee Herman were arrested for
   the same crime?
 Wacking off body parts.

 Why did Jeffrey Dahmer keep a blender at his doorstep?
 He liked to greet everyone with a handshake!

 Did you guys hear that Jeffrey Dahmer was a smoker??
 They found a pile of discarded butts in the kitchen...

 What made Jeffrey Dahmer act so strangely??
 It was the little kid inside of him...

 Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat clowns?
 They tasted funny.

 What additional charges were laid against Jeffery Dahmer?
 Selling arms to Iraq.

 Did you hear what Jeffrey Dahmer said to Lorenna Bobbit?
 Are you going to eat that or throw it away.

 Did you hear Jeffrey Dahmer escaped?
 He was last seen headed to Waco, TX with a bottle 
of BBQ sauce.

 Why didn't they give Dahmer the death sentance at his trial?
 They were afraid of what he might want for his last meal!

 What did Jeffrey Dahmer say when he first saw David Koresh?
 Waiter, my dinner is burnt!

 What do pirates have in common with Dahmer?
 They both have pieces of eight lying about the house.

 When does Dahmer hear from his old boyfriends?
 When he farts.

 How does Jeffrey Dahmer unwind?
 With a good stiff one.

 What does Jeffry Dahmer use to perform surgery?
 A Phillips head.

 Where's the best place to find footstools?
 Jeffrey Dahmer's toilet.

 Hear about Jeffrey Dahmer's new cult?
 The Brunch Davidians.

 What's Dahmers favorite song?
 "Piece of My Heart."

Why has Dahmer started going to Grateful Dead concerts?
 He's on an all vegetarian diet.

 What arrangements did the families make for Dahmer's victims?
 They keep Jeffrey's turds on their mantle.

 What looks like road kill, smells like road kill, tastes like 
  road kill, but isn't road kill?
 Jeffrey Dahmer's puke.

 What do the Dahmers sing at Christmas time?
 "Deck the halls with bowels of Holly".

 What did the judge saye to Jeffry Dahmer before sentencing him?
 "Boy, you sure had a lot of balls."

 What does Jeffrey Dahmer sing on the way to the fridge?
 "My bologna has a first name, it's O S C A R..." 

 Why do some of Jeffrey Dahmer's ice cubes have nuts in them?
 Because sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don't!

 What did Dahmer do when finished his vegetables?
 He threw away the wheelchairs.

 What are Jeffery Dahmer's favorite foods?
 Ground Chuck and Quiche Lorraine.

The Judge was coming down really hard on Dahmer when Dahmer 
said, "Come on Judge, have a heart!"

 Dahmer's favorite Recipes

Icebox surprise pie
Head cheese
Terry Aki
Beans and Frank
Screaming' Sammy Sausage
Bobby's Bratwurst
Leg O'Sam
Chuck Roast
Rump Roast
Scrambled Legs
Baked Alaskan
Finger Sandwiches
Head Lettuce
Elbow Macaroni
Vince Meat
Moo Goo GUY in a Pan
Barry's Back Ribs
Filet of Fred
Big Mac
Sloppy Joe
Mixed Nuts
Hot Cross Buns
Eyesburg Lettuce
Kidney pie
Tongue Sandwich
Spaghetti and Pete's Balls

 Dahmer Poetry

In the heart of our land, there was a man
With passions so unique
That many frowned, found him unsound
And wrote him off as "freak".
But listen well, and I will tell
You of his wondrous deeds
And you shall see the ecstacy
One feels when victim bleeds.

'Twas not in Hell that he did dwell,
But in a place of joy:
Apartment small, with shower stall
That he did well employ.
With knife and blade, he sliced and flayed

'Til yea, the deed was done;
His lucky friends, they met their ends
In pieces more than one.

And in their wake, he did partake;
Our hero, too, was wise-
For 'tis a waste to never taste
A young man's shining eyes.
Or sample, yes, the tenderness
Of colon firm and young
Or savor well the luscious smell
Of freshly excised tongue.

Police, alas, they did harass
The hallowed, Saintly One;
And met he with captivity

In cell block without sun.
A court of fools with wicked rules
Then found impure his mind-
'Twas vengeful sin by next of kin
Upon whom he had dined.

Then tragically, he was set free
One sad November day
His precious skull, 'twas rendered full
Of fractures, doctors say.
'Tis truly sad, our hero had
To undergo such trauma-
But holy ever shall be thy name;
We miss you, Jeffrey Dahmer.

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