TO: ALL PERSONNEL FROM: ACCOUNTING It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). To our department, unproductive time isn't a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter. Thank you. The Management Attached: Extended Job Code List Code Number Explanation ---------- ----------- 5316 Meeting 5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting 5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting 5319 Waiting for Break 5320 Waiting for Lunch 5321 Waiting for End of Day 5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker 5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present 5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend 5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning 5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid 5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You 5481 Buying Snack 5482 Eating Snack 5500 Filling Out Timesheet 5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries 5502 Waiting for Something to Happen 5503 Scratching Yourself 5504 Sleeping 5510 Feeling Bored 5600 Bitching About Lousy Job 5601 Bitching About Low Pay 5602 Bitching About Long Hours 5603 Bitching About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323) 5604 Bitching About Boss 5605 Bitching About Personal Problems 5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Bitching 5701 Not Actually Present At Job 5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu 6102 Ordering Out 6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive 6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food 6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit 6201 Stealing Company Goods 6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods 6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls 6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls in Order to Sell Stolen Company Goods 6206 Gossip 6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.) 6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself 6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching 6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job 6223 Pretending You Like Coworker 6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks 6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing 6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Gal 6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603) 6602 Complaining 6603 Writing a Book on Company Time 6611 Staring Into Space 6612 Staring At Computer Screen 6615 Transcendental Meditation 7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes) 7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone 7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone 7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone 7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone 7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone 7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone 7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone 7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone 7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity 8000 Recreational Drug Use From: ts (Terry Hill, Office Manager) To: mikf Subj: About those job numbers... Mike, just look at Peter's timesheet for this week. Day Job description Job number Hours --- --- ----------- --- ------ ----- MON Feeling horny 5511 2.5 Bitching about this job 5600 1.5 Calling up girlfriend on company phone 6203 1 Pretending to work while Terry is watching 6221 1 Break 5310 1 Waiting for bell to sound so I can leave 5321 1 TUE Feeling horny 5511 2 Bitching about low pay 5601 1.5 Making passes at Kathy 6213 1 Printing copies of "Kama Sutra" on company laser printer 6200 2.5 Break 5310 1 WED Sleeping 5504 1.5 Feeling horny 5511 .5 Break 5310 1 Pretending to work while Terry is watching 6221 2.5 Sending copies of "Kama Sutra" to friends in Hawaii using company fax 6200 2 Joint in men's room 8000 .5 THU Making passes at Kathy 6213 3.5 Bitching about this job 5600 1 Feeling horny 5511 2 Break 5310 1 Waiting for bell so I can leave 5321 .5 FRI Finding lookout to make sure nobody enters broom closet 7931 .5 Having sex with Kathy in broom closet 5909 1 Bitching about this dead-end job 5600 .5 Feeling horny 5511 1 Getting Eric to turn in my timesheet so I can leave early 7931 .5 Miscellaneous unproductive time 5309 4.5 --- Your policy needs to be revised ASAP. -Terry From: mikf (Michael Farrell, Personnel Director) To: th Subj: Re: About those job numbers... Terry, I looked at the timesheet and you are absolutely right. I can't believe what a mistake I made. Obviously, Peter left early on Friday, but due to my oversight, was forced to put code 5309 down. This is a serious inaccuracy. I've added a couple of job numbers which will fix this problem and future problems: 5701 Not Actually Present At Job 5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu Distribute these numbers as before, and this won't happen again. Thank you for promptly discovering and pointing out this error, Michael From: th (Terry Hill, Office Manager) To: mikf Subj: Re: About those job numbers... Michael, I think you missed the point of my letter. The point was that what Peter was doing on company time is unacceptable. However, because of your new system, he was able to put down officially approved numbers for all of his activities. I'd never be able to fire him, because in case of a lawsuit, our policy would be publicized, and we'd become the laughingstock of the industry. A copy of this letter and Peter's timesheet is being sent to the president. Please work with him to resolve this issue. -Terry From: gary (Gary Lorenz, President) To: th mikf Subj: peter's timesheet. mike and terry, i'm disappointed that you couldn't work out a solution without appealing to higher authority. i have promoted peter to office manager in another department. mike, you will need to add the following numbers: 8100 - Bragging to Girlfriend About Promotion 8101 - Using Position of Authority and Power to Score with Office Babes i think this is a situation where we all win. terry doesn't have an employee that he is unhappy with anymore, mike doesn't need to abandon his new job numbers which he has obviously put a lot of work into, and peter gets a better job and the official "okay" to enjoy the fruits of his labor. |
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