Soccer Jokes

Soccer Jokes

What happens to a footballer who loses his eyesight?
He becomes a referee

Why do women love German footballers?
Because they're on top for 90 minutes and still come second.

Why are Englishmen such lousy lovers?
They'll wait 90 minutes, then put it in twice in the last 
minute and think there the world's best lovers!

What's the most popular song, sung by drunken fans,
at a Germany versus England soccer match?
'Take Me Out to the Brawl Game'.

What do you call an Italian in the World Cup Final?

  A recent press report unveiled the latest sponsor of the English 
football team, Tampax, believe it or not.
  The Football Association thought it was appropriate as it is no 
secret that the team is going through a particularly bad period!

  In a recent poll of Monks, 46% predicted Brazil will win 
the 1998 World Cup. (The Sports Network said it was a silent
vote) I'm not sure if your average Monk knows more about 
soccer than you average soccer fan but when a Monk gives 
opinions about balls, headers, who's going to score and how 
many times, who's on top of who, who's all tied up, who'll 
finish first and who'll lick who easily, they're not lying 
about their sex life. 

Why do so many Americans play soccer?
So they don't have to watch it on TV.

How can you tell when the World Cup is going on???
All of a sudden the word 'header' doesn't sound dirty anymore!

How do they settle tie soccer matches in Columbia?
With a 'Shootout'.

What's the difference between England's world cup soccer squad
and a teabag?
A tea bag stays in the cup longer.

  A woman called in a repairman to fix her television. Just as 
he finished, the woman heard her husband's key in the lock.
  "Hurry," she said to the repairman, "you'll have to hide. 
My husband is insanely jealous."
  There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman 
hid inside the TV console. The husband came in and plopped down 
in his favourite chair to watch some football. Inside the TV, 
the repairman was all squashed up and getting hotter and hotter. 
Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. He climbed out, marched 
across the room and out the front door.
  The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked 
back at the set again and said, "I didn't see the referee send 
that guy off the field, did you?

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