Figure Skating Jokes

Figure Skating Jokes



  It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian 
competitor, he skates around to some classical music in a slightly
dull costume, performs some excellent leaps but without any great 
artistic feel for the music. 
  The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.9: 
United States 5.5: Ireland 6.0 
  Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and 
stripes costume, skating to some rock and roll music. He gets 
the crowd clapping, but is not technically as good as the 
Russian.  He slightly misses landing a triple Salchow and 
loses the center during a spin. But, artistically, it is a 
more satisfying performance. 
  The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.5: 
United States 5.9: Ireland 6.0 
  Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old 
donkey jacket, with his skates tied over his wellies. He reaches 
the ice, trips straight away and bangs his nose which starts 
bleeding. He tries to get up, staggers a few paces then slips 
again. He spends his entire 'routine' getting up then falling 
over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and 
bleeding mess. 
  The Judges' scores read: Britain 0.0: Russia 0.0: 
United States 0.0: Ireland 6.0 
  The other 3 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in 
unison, "How the heck can you give that mess 6.0?!" 
  To which the Irish judge replies "You've got to remember, 
it's darn slippery out there.
 

 
What were figure skater Oksana Bayul's blood alcohol level readings 
when she ran her car off the road and into a tree?
 1.6   1.6   1.7   1.5   1.5   1.6   1.7   1.8



Have you tried the Nancy Kerrigan special at KFC?
Two small breasts & a battered thigh.



How did Nancy Kerrigan deal with Disneyworld?
She felt Goofy.



What does Nancy Kerrigan do after a hard practice?
She gets some brews.



Why didn't Nancy win the gold medal?
She was a little knock-kneed.



What do Oksana Bayul and Tonya Harding have in common?
Both beat Nancy Kerrigan.



What do Nancy and Traci Lords have in common?
Both sucked as actresses.



What did Nancy do before she took the silver?
She took the lead.



What do you get if you cross Dr. Kevorkian, Dr. Ruth and Tonya Harding?
A killer orgasm that makes your knees buckle.



What is Tonya Harding's favorite book?
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.



Why is Tonya so popular?
She's a striking woman.



What's Tonya's favorite movie?
Dirty Ice Dancing.



Why did they let Jeff Gillooly and Tonya Harding sing the National 
 Anthem at the Olympics?
They have a good set of pipes.




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* Are you tired of always getting beat 6-0, 6-0 by that arrogant
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