 |
|
The two fighters were playing it safe. They circled one another for two minutes, each refusing to throw a blow. Finally a voice from the crowd said, "Hey blue trunks, hit him one. You got the wind with you!" The bout was obviously crooked. The blow that had put Bull Roberts on the canvas couldn't have cracked an egg. To show that he understood what had happened, the referee didn't stop counting at ten. He kept going till twenty and then on to twenty-one, twenty-two...Bull looked up and said, "I know you're trying to be helpful, but I'm through for the night." Two fighters went through the motions, hardly touching one another. They danced around and around. Finally the referee got them in a clinch and said, "I don't mind your dancing around like that, but dipping is out!" Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." What do they call a boxer who gets beat up in a fight? A sore loser. What is the difference between a woman and a boxer? The boxer stands up to be knocked down. The woman lies down to be knocked up!! What is the difference between a prostitute and a boxer? The boxer stands there and tries to keep from being knocked down. Signs It's Time to Retire From Boxing Blows to the jaw often cause your entire head to fly off. Your last match was promoted as "The Snooza in Tuscaloosa." When you hear the bell, you shout, "Is it dinner time, mommy?" Left hook is severely hampered by your I.V. drip. Instead of "Let's get ready to rumble!" announcer says, "Let's watch the geezer get his ass kicked!" Your main strategy: distract opponents with cute pictures of your grandchildren. Recently broke your hip putting on boxing trunks. Opponent's glove keeps getting caught in your rolls of fat. Your idea of a one-two combo is Metamucil and a nap. Mike Tyson chipped a tooth on your hearing aid. Jack Jones and Bob Brown, met in a match to decide the better of the two. Halfway into the fourth round, Jones released a mighty punch that sent Brown to the mat for the count. As his handlers carried him from the ring on a stretcher, the beaten fighter groaned and spoke in a feeble voice, "What happened? I hurt all over!" "Easy does it, Bob," said his manager. "You're in better shape than Jones at the moment." "How can you say that, Jake?" Brown asked. "I never laid a glove on him." "No," Jake responded, "but we left him back there in the ring a total wreck. He thinks he killed you." There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when birthed and grown up. The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked "why a plumber?" He replied, "so I can fix the pipes in here, its kinda leaky." The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others laughed at this and asked "why an electrician?" He replied, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!" The third one said "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full 5 minutes, before asking, "why in the world do you want to be a boxer?" He replied, "so I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us!" To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other. Related Sites Mike Tyson Jokes |
|