Chain Letter Jokes

Chain Letter Jokes



  This paper has been sent to you for good luck.
  The original has been worn out from having passed through 
the hands of so many people.  It had travelled around the 
world 70 times.
Dear Reader:
  Please help keep this count current.  If this letter falls 
into your hands after just completing one more circuit of the 
world, please add one to the count.  The luck has now been 
sent to you.  You will experience great sex within four days 
of receiving this letter, provided you send it on! Since the 
copy must tour the world, you must make twenty copies and send 
them to others.  This is no joke.  Send no money.
  Send copies to people who need to get laid within 96 hours.
After he passed this letter on, a Montana Spinach Control 
Officer got his penis stuck in a cow-milking machine and had 
the longest series of orgasms of his life.
  John Elliot tried to pick up a prostitute but, because he 
broke the chain, was picked up by the police instead.  When 
they searched his home, they found magazines of little boys 
which they showed to his neighbours.
  In a suburb of Paris, Don Loray's trousers were ripped by 
an unsatisfied erection, 51 days after failing to circulate 
the letter.  However, before this happened, a condom machine 
gave him three condoms for the price of one. (was this the 
consolation prize?)
  Do note the following:
  Hebert Pudstrom received the chain in 1953.  He asked his 
secretary to make twenty copies and send them out.  A few 
days later he encountered her in a red-light district making 
more than he had every paid her at work.
  General George Patton, who sent the letter on, saw what he 
thought was a quarter in the street.  When he bent down to 
pick it up, a beautiful woman in a miniskirt walked by, and 
he got a great view.  His aide, Colonel Bumswiver, who did 
not pass on the letter, tried to pick up a similar object, 
a miniskirt walked by, and he got a view of a drag queen.
  Heywood Daddit, an unemployed chicken choker, received the 
letter and forgot that it had to leave his hands within 96 
hours. His wife then went bowling with his best friend and 
never returned. Later, after finding the letter again, he 
mailed twenty copies.  A few days later he got a wife and
discovered that his old wife, who he thought was wonderful, 
had made love to him like a dead salmon for all these years!
  Alan Fairchild received the letter and, not believing, threw 
the letter away.  Nine days later he spilled hot coffee in his 
crotch.
  In 1987 the letter received by a young woman in Texas was 
faded and barely readable, so she did not realize that this 
paragraph applied to her.  She promised herself she would 
retype the letter and send it on, but she put it aside to 
do later.  She was plagued with problems including herpes 
and other venereal diseases she contracted in her futile 
attempts to find Mr. Right in a singles bar.  The letter did 
not leave her hands in 96 hours.  She finally typed the letter 
and found a man with a 10-inch penis.
  You must distribute at least twenty copies within 96 hours 
of receiving this letter.  Those who do will find their love 
lives more fulfilling. 
  Those who do not will be doomed to one-night stands with 
mechanical devices.




A CHAIN LETTER FOR WOMEN ONLY

  This letter was started by a woman like yourself, in the 
hope of bringing relief to other tired and discontented 
women. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost 
you anything.

  Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends 
who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your 
husband or boyfriend and send him to the woman whose name 
appears at the top of the list. When your name comes to the 
top of the list, you will receive 16,377 men - and one of
them is bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you 
already have.

  DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN. HAVE FAITH!

  One woman broke the chain and got her own sonovabitch back.

  At the time of writing this letter, a friend of mine had 
already received 184 men. They buried her yesterday but it 
took three undertakers 36 hours to get the smile off her face 
and two days to get her legs together so that they could close 
the coffin.

YOU MUST HAVE FAITH

Signed 
A Liberated Woman




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