Clone Jokes

Clone Jokes

  Scottish scientists have announced that they have for the first 
time in history cloned a mammal - a sheep.  At least, that's how 
they *say* the ewe became pregnant.

If the clone has no hair does that make it a wool-free sheep's cloning?

Did you hear about the cloned sheep named 'Dolly'?
Well at least they say that's how the sheep got pregnant...
they're still waiting for the results from the 'Baa-ternity' tests.

What did the Scottish scientists say to the skeptics who claimed that 
the sheep they cloned was probably a hoax?
"We realize the repercussions which will ensue if it infact is not a 
cloned animal, but nevertheless, we are prepared to stand behind our 
They also wanted to give it "push" in the right direction.

If the sheep are born with no hair would they be
'Wool-free Sheep's Clonings?'

If someone kills their clone, is it murder or suicide?
I think it falls under the laws that decide if someone with multiple 
personalities threatens to kill themself, is it considered a hostage 

If these scientists kept their SUCCESSES under wraps, can you imagine 
the failures they DIDN'T tell us about?  
Somewhere, there's a three-headed light blue calf with a dorsal fin 
going, "Man. This sucks."
- Jeff Vrabel

Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was slightly grey, 
It didn't have a father, just some borrowed DNA.
It sort of had a mother, though the ovum was on loan, 
It was not so much a lambkin, as a little lamby clone.

And soon it had a fellow clone, and soon it had some more, 
They followed her to school one day, all cramming through the door.
It made the children laugh and sing, the teachers found it droll, 
There were too many lamby clones, for Mary to control.

No other could control the sheep, since their programs didn't vary, 
So the scientists resolved it all, by simply cloning Mary.
But now they feel quite sheepish, those scientists unwary, 
One problem solved, but what to do, with Mary, Mary, Mary!

Oh, Give Me A Clone
(To the tune Home on the Range)

Oh, give me a clone
Of my own flesh and bone
 With its Y-chromosome changed to X
And when it is grown
Then my own little clone
 Will be of the opposite sex.
Clone, clone of my own,
 With your Y-Chromosome changed to X
And when I'm alone
With my own little clone
 We will both think of nothing but sex.

Oh, give me a clone
In my sorrowful moan
 A clone that is wholly my own.
And if she's an X
Of the feminine sex
 Oh, what fun we will have when we're prone.

My heart's not of stone,
As I've frequently shown
 When alone with my own little X
And after we've dined
I am sure we will find
 Better incest than Oedipus Rex.

Why should such sex vex
Or disturb or perplex
 Or induce a disparaging tone.
After all, don't you see
Since we're both of us me
 When we're having sex, I'm alone.

And after I'm done
She will still have her fun
 For I'll clone myself twice ere I die.
And this time without fail,
They'll be both of them male
 And they'll ravage her by and by. 


Results of the Washington Post Style Invitational, in which readers
were asked to come up with intriguing questions to be considered by
President Clinton's special commission to study the moral and
practical effects of cloning:

Are the pope and his clone both infallible?  What if they disagree
about something?

Can you clone Alan Greenspan, or does it have to be LIVING tissue?

If Larry King clones himself and interviews himself on his show,
wouldn't that pretty much make nuclear war something we could all 
look forward to?

If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind?

If the DNA from the bloody glove were cloned and produced a baby 
O.J. Simpson, then could we maybe get an actual guilty verdict?

If Hare Krishnas start cloning themselves, how will the rest of us
find out?

If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V or Henry IV Jr. or wait,
Henry IV part II?

If Michael Jackson is cloned, is it against the law for him to play
with himself as a child?

Would there be a market for genetic "factory seconds" and

Could they clone Al Gore, or would he have to be grafted?

Is it possible to make a clone of Kate Moss and then attach the two
together to make a regular-sized person?  Sure, she'd have two heads,
but that would still be way more normal.

Would it work if I binged and my clone purged?

Would it be ethical to dig up the remains of our founding fathers,
create clones from the bone cells, and place them in a theme park
called Clonial Williamsburg?

Ode to a Clone

Oh clone, my clone, how can you bear it
To exist knowing you have only one parent?
No zygote you, when haploid cells met
You were produced with a full chromosome set.
And now I can see that you are confused
To discover your genes have arrived slightly used.
To answer your questions is the aim of this poem
You who are like me, my clone, oh my clone.

You were not produced from between sweaty sheets
In fact, you arose from cells scraped off of my cheek.
Your genes gently placed in an egg we provided
And then shocked with a current until they divided.
You sat there a while till it was time to fish
That thing that was you from that petri dish.
(And though it may seem churlish at this time to mention,
we suspect that the dish had post-partum depression).

Oh clone, my clone, don't feel angst or feel grief
Because the genes that you have are not bought but are leased.
You have no mother, but that's no impediment
Indeed, you've bypassed the whole Complex of Oedipus.
To your one parent you can always relate
To do otherwise is a form of self hate.
Who can tell us apart when we answer the phone?
No one at all, my clone, oh my clone.

Think of all the experiences we'll have!
(That is, once they allow you to go from the lab).
I'll take you to places that I've already been
So you can see them once more for the first time again.
Let's go to work, where I think we will find
That we'll get twice as much done in just half the time.
And should we play tennis, our opponents have troubles
As they must play singles, but we shall play doubles.

Oh clone, my clone, I see you are vexed
By ethical issues admittedly complex.
If you are my clone, are you wed to my wife?
And would having two husbands cause marital strife?
Suppose that we clone her? Then what would that be?
Bigamy, polygamy, or polyandry?
Oh, the guilt I would have would go to the bone
If I accidentally slept with your wife, oh my clone.

Perhaps it would be better if we lived all our days
Away from each other -- and go separate ways.
I would stay here and live with my mate
And you would take yours to some other state
Perhaps to Alaska, with Northern Lights blue
To live off the land, in a hut or igloo.
And with a deep sense of pride all my friends would be shown
Many pictures of your house, a Nome clone dome home.

Oh clone, my clone, you impressive feat
The one person born with no help from gametes.
When you have troubles getting yourself to sleep
Do you think on your compatriot, Dolly the sheep?
It's true that we both share our genetic information
But I know that your mind performs its own peregrinations.
In the end I am me, and you are just you alone
You are your own person, my clone, oh my clone.

Why do Scottsmen clone sheep??!
To remember their first love.

What do you call a female clone?
A Clunt

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