Scottish scientists have announced that they have for the first time in history cloned a mammal - a sheep. At least, that's how they *say* the ewe became pregnant. If the clone has no hair does that make it a wool-free sheep's cloning? Did you hear about the cloned sheep named 'Dolly'? Well at least they say that's how the sheep got pregnant... they're still waiting for the results from the 'Baa-ternity' tests. What did the Scottish scientists say to the skeptics who claimed that the sheep they cloned was probably a hoax? "We realize the repercussions which will ensue if it infact is not a cloned animal, but nevertheless, we are prepared to stand behind our work." They also wanted to give it "push" in the right direction. If the sheep are born with no hair would they be 'Wool-free Sheep's Clonings?' If someone kills their clone, is it murder or suicide? I think it falls under the laws that decide if someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themself, is it considered a hostage situation? If these scientists kept their SUCCESSES under wraps, can you imagine the failures they DIDN'T tell us about? Somewhere, there's a three-headed light blue calf with a dorsal fin going, "Man. This sucks." - Jeff Vrabel Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was slightly grey, It didn't have a father, just some borrowed DNA. It sort of had a mother, though the ovum was on loan, It was not so much a lambkin, as a little lamby clone. And soon it had a fellow clone, and soon it had some more, They followed her to school one day, all cramming through the door. It made the children laugh and sing, the teachers found it droll, There were too many lamby clones, for Mary to control. No other could control the sheep, since their programs didn't vary, So the scientists resolved it all, by simply cloning Mary. But now they feel quite sheepish, those scientists unwary, One problem solved, but what to do, with Mary, Mary, Mary! Oh, Give Me A Clone (To the tune Home on the Range) Oh, give me a clone Of my own flesh and bone With its Y-chromosome changed to X And when it is grown Then my own little clone Will be of the opposite sex. (Chorus) Clone, clone of my own, With your Y-Chromosome changed to X And when I'm alone With my own little clone We will both think of nothing but sex. Oh, give me a clone In my sorrowful moan A clone that is wholly my own. And if she's an X Of the feminine sex Oh, what fun we will have when we're prone. My heart's not of stone, As I've frequently shown When alone with my own little X And after we've dined I am sure we will find Better incest than Oedipus Rex. Why should such sex vex Or disturb or perplex Or induce a disparaging tone. After all, don't you see Since we're both of us me When we're having sex, I'm alone. And after I'm done She will still have her fun For I'll clone myself twice ere I die. And this time without fail, They'll be both of them male And they'll ravage her by and by. Results of the Washington Post Style Invitational, in which readers were asked to come up with intriguing questions to be considered by President Clinton's special commission to study the moral and practical effects of cloning: Are the pope and his clone both infallible? What if they disagree about something? Can you clone Alan Greenspan, or does it have to be LIVING tissue? If Larry King clones himself and interviews himself on his show, wouldn't that pretty much make nuclear war something we could all look forward to? If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind? If the DNA from the bloody glove were cloned and produced a baby O.J. Simpson, then could we maybe get an actual guilty verdict? If Hare Krishnas start cloning themselves, how will the rest of us find out? If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V or Henry IV Jr. or wait, Henry IV part II? If Michael Jackson is cloned, is it against the law for him to play with himself as a child? Would there be a market for genetic "factory seconds" and "irregulars"? Could they clone Al Gore, or would he have to be grafted? Is it possible to make a clone of Kate Moss and then attach the two together to make a regular-sized person? Sure, she'd have two heads, but that would still be way more normal. Would it work if I binged and my clone purged? Would it be ethical to dig up the remains of our founding fathers, create clones from the bone cells, and place them in a theme park called Clonial Williamsburg? Ode to a Clone Oh clone, my clone, how can you bear it To exist knowing you have only one parent? No zygote you, when haploid cells met You were produced with a full chromosome set. And now I can see that you are confused To discover your genes have arrived slightly used. To answer your questions is the aim of this poem You who are like me, my clone, oh my clone. You were not produced from between sweaty sheets In fact, you arose from cells scraped off of my cheek. Your genes gently placed in an egg we provided And then shocked with a current until they divided. You sat there a while till it was time to fish That thing that was you from that petri dish. (And though it may seem churlish at this time to mention, we suspect that the dish had post-partum depression). Oh clone, my clone, don't feel angst or feel grief Because the genes that you have are not bought but are leased. You have no mother, but that's no impediment Indeed, you've bypassed the whole Complex of Oedipus. To your one parent you can always relate To do otherwise is a form of self hate. Who can tell us apart when we answer the phone? No one at all, my clone, oh my clone. Think of all the experiences we'll have! (That is, once they allow you to go from the lab). I'll take you to places that I've already been So you can see them once more for the first time again. Let's go to work, where I think we will find That we'll get twice as much done in just half the time. And should we play tennis, our opponents have troubles As they must play singles, but we shall play doubles. Oh clone, my clone, I see you are vexed By ethical issues admittedly complex. If you are my clone, are you wed to my wife? And would having two husbands cause marital strife? Suppose that we clone her? Then what would that be? Bigamy, polygamy, or polyandry? Oh, the guilt I would have would go to the bone If I accidentally slept with your wife, oh my clone. Perhaps it would be better if we lived all our days Away from each other -- and go separate ways. I would stay here and live with my mate And you would take yours to some other state Perhaps to Alaska, with Northern Lights blue To live off the land, in a hut or igloo. And with a deep sense of pride all my friends would be shown Many pictures of your house, a Nome clone dome home. Oh clone, my clone, you impressive feat The one person born with no help from gametes. When you have troubles getting yourself to sleep Do you think on your compatriot, Dolly the sheep? It's true that we both share our genetic information But I know that your mind performs its own peregrinations. In the end I am me, and you are just you alone You are your own person, my clone, oh my clone. Why do Scottsmen clone sheep??! To remember their first love. What do you call a female clone? A Clunt |
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