TV Evangelist Jokes

TV Evangelist Jokes



"Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion."



PTL Club Jokes


What would you call 13 whores at a revival?
Bakker's dozen. 


Why did Jim Bakker's record company go out of business?
The holes in the records kept healing shut.


What happens if you cross oral Roberts with Jim Bakker?
You get a preacher who will die if he doesn't get sex within a month.


How did Jim meet Tammy Bakker?
They were both dating the same guy in high school.


How does Jim Bakker keep Tammy Faye in line?
He uses the Bible belt. 


If Jim Bakker had one more K in his name what would happen?
He'd be wearing sheets, rather than being between them.


Have you heard about Jim Bakkers latest book?
It's called, "The Clergy do More than Lay People."


What happened when Tammy Bakker cried at Jim's conviction?
Two words: Mud Slide!


Why does Jim Bakker like prison?
He gets to spend even more time on his knees.


Jim and Tammy Bakker are working on the script for a TV movie.
It's going to be called, "Children of a Looser God."


What did they find when they removed all of Tammy Faye's makeup?
Jimmy Hoffa.


  
Other TV Evangelists


Why does Jerry Falwell hate color TV?
He only sees things in black and white.



What does Jerry Falwell do when he isn't bilking the elderly?
He teaches his dog to heal.



  I met this over-zealous evangelist one time while recovering in 
the hospital from a heart attack.  After listening politely for a 
over a half hour on how thankful I should be to have been spared, 
and how I should repent at once, he asked, "My son, did all your 
sins flash before your eyes during the heart attack"?
  I told him, "Don't be ridiculous, the attack only lasted 6 hours".



  There was this man who had a dog which he was attempting to train, 
but alas had very little success. He was on the verge of despair when
he happened across a very charismatic American evangelist.
  He unburdened his soul to the American, who promptly informed him 
to leave the dog with him, and he would have it trained in a jiffy.
  The next day the man returns, and asks how the evangelist got on. 
The reply was positive, and the evangelist calls the dog to give a
demonstration.
  Picking up a stick, he throws it and says, "Fetch." Instantly the 
dog takes off, grabs the stick and returns.
  The evangelist says, "Drop" and the dog drops the stick at his feet.
"Roll over," and the dog rolls over.
  By this time the dog's owner is very excited, and asks if he can 
have a go. "Sure," replies the evangelist.
  "Heel," says the owner and the dog lifts one paw, places it on the
man's forehead and says, "I command this sickness to leave you..."



  Oral Roberts and Billy Graham died and went to heaven.  When they 
rang the bell at the pearly gates, St. Peter appeared and said, "We're 
full up.  You'll have to wait temporarily in hell until we get a
vacancy."
  It didn't take long for the devil to speak to God, saying, "You're 
going to have to do something about those two. They're causing me all 
kinds of trouble."
  "What do you mean?" God asked.
  "Well, since they've been there, Billy Graham has saved 40,000
souls and Oral Roberts has raised enough money to air condition 
the place."



What's Swaggarts favorite religious act?
The laying on of hands.



  A farmer was doing some plowing one day, when his young son came 
running up and said, "Dad, there's a man coming down the road to the 
house, looks like a preacher."
  "That's okay, son," said the farmer. "Now you go back and find 
out what denomination he is. If he's a Southern Baptist lock up the 
chicken house, cause he'll want some fried chicken. If he's a Catholic
priest, lock up the wine, cause he'll be fond of the grape and if he's
a TV evangelist, sit between your mothers legs until I get there."



  This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers
on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My 
friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching
this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on 
the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you."
  The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she
places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach.
  Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand 
on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.
  With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the
sick, not raising the dead."


 


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