What did they use to clean up the Heaven's Gate mass suicide? Comet. Why did the thirty-nine members of the Heaven's Gate Cult commit suicide? They were just trying to keep up with the Jones. Did you hear they found another suicide victim at the Heaven's Gate mansion? Yup, he was under the sink, behind the Comet! "Ladies and gentlemen, more news from the friendly folks at the Heaven's Gate cult. Yesterday, another cult member boarded the Mother Ship...He said that he did not leave with the original group because he didn't want to miss that episode of 'Ellen.'" "You know, one of the requirements for the Heaven's Gate cult was castration. And I'm thinking, 'Well, geez, maybe that should be a requirement for the Kennedys.'" "Earlier this week, another member of the Heaven's Gate cult boarded the Mother Ship. Drank a combination of phenobarbitol and vodka, or as it's known in the magazine ads, 'Absolut Coma.'" |
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