Rush Limbaugh Jokes

Rush Limbaugh Jokes



  Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country 
and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a 
country road.
  Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize 
to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and 
knocked on the front door and was let in.  He was in there for what 
seemed hours.
  When he came out, Limbaugh asked why his driver had been there 
so long.
  "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, 
then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me 
with kisses," explained the driver.
  "What did you tell the farmer?", Limbaugh asked.
  The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh's 
driver and I'd just killed the pig."



What is the difference between Rush Limbaugh and a tub of lard?
The tub.


Q: What's the difference between the Hindinburg zeppelin
   and Rush Limbaugh?  
A: One is a crash-and-burning Nazi gasbag, the other was
   a derigible.


  Rush Limbaugh got his rectal nerve crossed with his optic 
nerve, and it gave him a shitty outlook on life.


What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and God?
God isn't treated like Rush Limbaugh.


Why does Rush wears a tie 
To keep the foreskin out of his eyes.


What is the difference between Rush Limbaugh and a pothole?
You'd swerve to avoid a pothole.


What do Rush Limbaugh and an Arkansas farmer have in common?
Both are fucking pigs.


Will anybody be bigger than Rush Limbaugh in '95?
Yes, Rush Limbaugh in '96.


How can Rush Limbaugh and Ronald Reagan stay true conservatives?
By taking after Nixon.


What do you call a pig with half a brain?
Rush Limbaugh.


Who took over the roles of Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy 
 after Jim Henson died?
Ross Perot and Rush Limbaugh.


  This lady always wanted an expensive car -- a status symbol 
to drive around and be seen in. She scrimps and saves, goes to 
the dealer, and plops down several years income for a brand new 
state-of-the-art, computer enhanced, kick-ass, dream mobile.
  She's driving off. Decides she wants some music and searches 
for the radio. The dashboard looks like a control panel at NASA. 
She fiddles with this button, that gizmo...jiggles these and 
those, but finally gives up. Can't find the damned thing.
  Furious, she races back to the dealership and screams at the 
salesman. Tells him they forgot to install the radio. He assures 
her it's right there in front of her. It's hooked into the 
onboard computer. All she has to do is tell it what she wants. 
  He demonstrates: "Classical", he says.
  *click*
  The car fills with the sounds of Paganini.
  "Blues", he says, and *click* a B.B. King classic plays.
  She drives off amazed. "Country", she says, and *click* a Garth 
Brooks tune comes on. "Folk" *click* Joan Baez sings about the 
night they drove ol' Dixie down. "New Age" *click* Yanni at the 
Acropolis snaps on. She's so captivated by this new toy that she 
isn't paying much attention to the road. Another driver runs a 
light and cuts her off.
  "ASSHOLE!!!" she screams.
  *click*
  "Good morning, everyone. You're listening to the Rush 
Limbaugh Show"




I BELIEVE LIMBAUGH
Tune:  I'm a Believer

Thought his words only just a fairy tale
Meant for someone else but not for me
Oh, Rush was out to get me
That's the way it seemed
Liberalism haunted all my dreams

[Chorus:]

Then I heard Limbaugh
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I know now
I'm a believer, I couldn't leave Rush if I tried

I thought that truth was more or less, a given thing
Seems the more I heard, the less I got
Why is Clinton lyin'
Why can't he refrain
Tell the truth, stop feeling all our pain

CHORUS

Oh, Rush was out to get me
That's the way it seemed
Liberalism haunted all my dreams

CHORUS




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