My campaign theme song for my upcoming run for
President of the United States of America.
Lie My Way
(to Lenny Kravitz's 'Fly Away')
I wish that I could lie
Into the sky
Some votes I'd buy
Just like Bill Clinton lied
Lie anytime I please
Like when I need, some perjury
Up to the Nth degree
Oh, I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah yeah yeah)
I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah yeah yeah)
Promise away the stars
Fat tax refunds or even wars
Because the cash ain't ours
Give me some campaign funds
need'em by the tons
Don't give me ones
Only real huge sums
Oh, oh, oh yeah!!
I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah yeah yeah)
I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah yeah yeah)
(spoken)
I've gotta lie my way
Yeah I've gotta get my way
Oh, oh, oh yeah
I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah to you yeah)
Oh yeah
I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah to you yeah)
I gotta lie my way
I want the presidency
I want the presidency
I want the presidency
I want the presidency
Yeah
I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah to you yeah)
Oh I want the presidency
I want the presidency
I want the presidency
I want the presidency
I want the presidency
Yeah
I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah to you yeah)
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
(by Pundit Gainsay)
"LOS ANGELES LEADS THE UNITED STATES IN RUNNING COMEDIANS FOR OFFICE"
A report from Dana A. Snow
Here is the speech James Tripp gave at The Free Expression Night
at Creativity Bookstore, on Pier Avenue (just off Main Street) in
Santa Monica:
People want to know where James Tripp stands on the issues. We've
adopted a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. You have to draw the line.
Taking a stand on issues is where I draw the line! This has led some
people to say that James Tripp doesn't want to take a stand on the
issues. That's an interesting point, but not one *I'm* interested in!
I can't tell you where *I* stand on the issues until I know where YOU
stand! The things you believe in are the things I believe in!
The GOOD things! The RIGHT things! The things that makes us all PROUD
to be Americans! You want someone like YOU to run for Mayor. You want
someone like James Tripp. Who is James Tripp? Well, to answer that
question, you have to ask yourself "Who --- are YOU?" When you know
who YOU are, you'll KNOW who James Tripp is. I am he as you are he as
you are me and we are all together. Goo goo ga joob!!
James Tripp knows what you want! You want James Tripp! Some men see
things that ARE and ask "Why?" I see things that never were and say
"Stop asking so many questions!!" Question authority, but do not
question me. We've got to do what it takes to do what it is that we
must do.
Some question why someone who ran for President would WANT to run for
Mayor. Let me ASSURE you, it has NOTHING to do with my 11.5 million
dollar campaign debt. You know where James Tripp stands! He stands
WITH YOU! You don't WANT subways through your front lawn! So if James
Tripp is elected Mayor, you won't HAVE subways through your front lawn!
I make no such claim for your BACK lawn. You don't WANT aliens from
another planet appointed to the M.T.A. board, so if James Tripp is
elected Mayor, you won't HAVE aliens from another planet appointed to
the M.T.A. board. You MAY have some on the PLANNING Commission.
A lot of people want to know what James Tripp will do about crime.
If I'm elected Mayor, I won't COMMIT any crimes! A lot of people say
you can't drink the water from the tap in Los Angeles and that the NEXT
Mayor ought to DO something about that. But what about the people who
work in the bottled water industry? I don't think it's the business of
the Mayor of Los Angeles to put people in the fresh, clean Alps of
France out of work!
There are SOME people that question my sani - , I mean, candidacy.
Some people say I can't WIN an election. Well, I'm reminded of the
story of "The Little Engine that Thought He Could." I'm REMINDED of it.
I can't REMEMBER the whole thing. The time will come when we must come
to a time - and that time is now!!
So remember when you go to the polls, write in James Tripp!
Mayor of Los Angeles! GOD BLESS OUR FAIR CITY!!
Will Rogers once called himself an amateur comedian compared
to those in Congress.
Many comedians have run for President, the most famous being
Pat Paulsen in 1968. This was a spin-off from the comic editorials
he did on The Smother Brothers Show on CBS. Regarding censorship
he said on January 7, 1968, "We are allowed to say Ronald Reagan is
a lousy actor, but we're not allowed to say he's a lousy Governor,
which is ridiculous! We KNOW he's a good actor!... And you can't
say ANYTHING bad about President Johnson (sic), because you
shouldn't insult The President, but if you COMPLIMENT him, who
would believe it?"
Gracie Allen ran on the Surprise Party ticket. When asked (on
the March 12, 1940 Fibber McGee & Molly Show) about her campaign,
she said it tickled her nose.
Eddie Cantor ran for President at least for one radio show.
Someone said "I wouldn't vote for you if you were Saint Peter
himself!" to which he replied "If I were Saint Peter, you wouldn't
be in my district!"
There's a book called "W. C. Fields for President," written by Fields
and later turned into a record by Rich Little. The Firesign Theatre have
run the mythical George Papoon, the mythical George Leroy Tirebiter, the
mythical President Woppler and the semi-mythical Daffy Duck for President.
Recently L.A.'s Beth Lapides of Luna Park's Un-Cabaret ran for First Lady.
Comic actors such as Fred "Love Boat" Grandy, Sheila "Dobie Gillis"
James and Sonny Bono have waged serious and effective campaigns.
Another serious contender from the comedy community is current candidate
for Charter Commissioner, Denise Munro Robb. As Charter Commissioner, she
hopes to rewrite the charter to develop local councils, create more City
Council positions to represent the growth in population and replace
certain appointed positions with elections. Ms. Robb has alternated
between comedy (including Lifetime's "Girls' Night Out") and political
activism --- as Executive Director of Americans for Democratic Action
and founder of a volunteer Neighborhood Crime Patrol. As a comedienne,
she has said "There's a lot of crime in my neighborhood so I formed a
Neighborhood Watch Program and we all wear the letter 'N' so we'll know
each other. We're just having trouble getting criminals to wear the
letter C."
James Tripp may be the first ADMITTED comedian to run for Mayor.
Saying he forgot to file as a candidate, he hopes to get in as a
write-in, always assuming his followers can write. Tripp certainly
can write as witness his brilliant speeches that include satire of
meaningless promises and poll-watching that have been a constant in
politics as long as I can remember, except when unintentional
satirist Ross Perot forced two candidates to actually answer any
questions. Tripp is no stranger to politics. He waged a campaign
for President against Bill Clinton and, um, his opposition, whoever
it was. (Someone call Research!) In a speech from THAT campaign,
he said:
A lot of people say you'd be throwing away your vote to vote for
James Tripp. A lot of people say "Au revoir, mes cher enfants,"
but those people live in France, so why listen to them?
I wouldn't vote for me, but that's no reason why you shouldn't.
Let us look to the future. Let us move forward. Let us look to the
South, then look to the North. Let us take two steps diagonally and
half a step to the side. Let us veer left when we come to a yellow
mailbox. Let us then drive TOGETHER for half a mile and then stop
--- and smell the roses.
So when you go to the polls tomorrow, cast your vote for you.
Cast your vote for James Tripp for President!
The American people did not vote for James Tripp in significant enough
numbers on that occasion, but in Los Angeles, they will have another
chance in April. In his concession speech, his remarks included these:
"While most of the other candidates conceded defeat almost a week ago,
we at the James Tripp for President Campaign have waited, pending a
recount of the official results which were announced only moments ago.
Now it's official. Out of all the votes cast across this great land,
James Tripp received a resounding two... Two votes. If I had voted
for myself, it would have been three... but I wasn't about to throw my
vote away... Those two votes were cast in Venice, California. And to
those who say that the bells of freedom no longer ring in America, I
say 'Let them come to Venice! Ich bin ein Venison!'"
But what about me? (Dana Snow) I turned down the Presidential
nomination. They wouldn't pay me under the table so I could still
collect Welfare... I considered the Presidency, because I was HOPING
for a sex scandal!
I'm an expert on politics. I'm writing a book called "Voting
Republican for Dummies." In that book, I explain why Republicans
won so many elections. It's because voting machines can't detect
sarcasm! Here's a bit of Republican trivia: The original Bush-
Quayle campaign slogan was "I'm with Stupid!" Some people say I
shouldn't talk about Bush and Quayle because they're old news. I
don't care. Heck, I think NIXON hasn't suffered enough! I think
we should dig him up and rebury him in jail!
There's a chapter on Newt Gingrich. It's called "Good Government
and How to Avoid It." I will admit one thing. He's more open-minded
than I thought! He believes in UFOs. He believes that creatures of
SUPERIOR intelligence are coming here from all over the universe -
- to live off welfare. I don't like him. I liked him MUCH better
when he was in England doing comedy under the name Benny Hill.
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