Dan Quayle Jokes

Dan Quayle Jokes



  Dan Quayle just finished his first book to coincide with his 
presidential campaign...and he stayed between all the lines while
colouring it too...
  I know that's not fair...because Dan's been willing to answer the
tough questions put to him so far in the campaign...such as abortion.
When asked which side he stood for on the Roe vs. Wade debate...
Dan Quayle was willing to stand up and say, 
 "He didn't really like the beach."



What would Dan Quayle do if elected President?
Add the "E" to NATO.



  Asked about his views on euthanasia, Quayle replied, 
"Youth in Asia are just like kids everywhere else."


Dan Quayle was delighted to visit the Washington zoo 
"I've always wanted to see the Presidential Seal."


What's the difference between Jane Fonda and Dan Quayle?
Jane Fonda went to Vietnam. 


What does Marilyn Quayle have in common with Marion Barry?
They've both been known to blow a little dope.


How does Dan Quayle sing "Old MacDonald?"
"Old MacDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O-E..."


Now that he's retiring, Dan Quayle says he wants
 to visit Nicaragua...
So he can see the falls.


What was our vice president's name before he 
learned how to write?
Dan Quayl.


Why is Mrs. Quayle pregnant?
Dan thought that the Secret Service was adequate protection.


What happens when you cross a chicken with a hawk?
You get a Quayle.


What do Iraq and Vietnam have in common?
Dan Quayle supported both wars and fought in neither. 


Dan Quayle got a Gorbachev tattoo, because he wanted to 
  have something "up there".




From the Quote of the Day Hall of Fame,  Dan Quayle...
------------------------------------------------------


"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the 
only regret I  have was that I didn't study Latin harder 
in school so I could converse with those people"
                 --J. Danforth Quayle


"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
                 --J. Danforth Quayle


"Republicans understand the importance of bondage 
between a mother and child."
               --Vice President Dan Quayle


"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow 
astronauts."
                --Vice President Dan Quayle


"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is 
somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is 
very important.  We have seen pictures where there 
are canals, we believe, and water.  If there is 
water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that
means we can breathe."
                --Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89


"What a waste it is to lose one's mind.  Or not to 
have a mind is being very wasteful.  How true that is."
               --Vice President Dan Quayle


 "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's
history.  I mean in this century's history.  But we 
all lived in this century.  I didn't live in this
century"
                --Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/15/88


"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more 
freedom and democracy - but that could change."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89


"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any 
vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89


 "May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to 
the world."
                 --The Quayles' 1989 Christmas card.
                

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/30/88


 We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go 
forward."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle


"I have made good judgements in the Past.  I have 
made good judgements in the Future."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle


 "The future will be better tomorrow."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle


 "We're going to have the best-educated American 
people in the world."
              --Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/21/88


"People that are really weird can get into sensitive 
positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle


"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
 -Vice President Dan Quayle to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89


"We have a firm commitment to NATO.  We are a *part* 
of NATO.  We have a firm commitment to Europe.  We 
are a *part* of Europe."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle


"Public speaking is very easy."
   Vice President Dan Quayle to reporters in 10/88


"I am not part of the problem.  I am a Republican."
  --Vice President Dan Quayle


 "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle


"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people 
going to the polls."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle


"When I have been asked during these last weeks who 
caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer
has been direct and simple:  Who is to blame for the
riots?  The rioters are to blame.  Who is to blame 
for the killings? The killers are to blame."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle


Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in 
terms of not having it."
           --Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/20/92
                 reported in Esquire, 8/92


"Murphy Brown is doing better than I am.  At least 
she knows she still has a job next year."
                --Vice President Dan Quayle


"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or 
may not occur."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/22/90


"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/5/90


"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that 
teach our children."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle


"The American people would not want to know of any 
misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle


"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care
to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not 
have made."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle


"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.
It's the impurities in ourair and water that are
doing it."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle


"It's time for the human race to enter the 
solar system."
                 --Vice President Dan Quayle




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