Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jumped over the candlestick. Alas, he didn't clear the flame, And now he's known as Mary-Jane. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jumped over the candlestick, Jack wasn't so nimble, Jack wasn't so quick, Jack ended up in the hospital with a French fried dick. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over the candle-stick. Silly boy, you should have jumped higher. Good grief! Great BALLS of fire!! Jack may be nimble Jack may be quick but Jill still prefers the candlestick. Mary had a little loan Got fleeced in three-card monty The loan sharks got her so mixed-up She fled to Carlo Monte Twinkle, Twinkle S.U.V. Please switch lanes so I can see Up above the street so high Like a spaceship in the sky If you hit me I will die S.U.V. speeding home to bed Don't you see that curve ahead? Rolling, Rolling S.U.V. Too high center of gravity Georgie, Porgie, Goodman & Fry Sued 4M and made them cry The two sides settled for 1M And that's how they became 3M Georgy Porgy pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry When the boys came out to play He kissed them too `cause he was gay Georgy Porgey, pudding and pie, Jerked off in his girlfriends eye, When her eye was dried and shut, Georgy fucked that one eyed slut. CEO Jack Horner Had an office on the corner With windows that were vast Still the Chairman's suite was bigger And it was Jack who pulled the trigger Nice guys finish last! Little Jack Horner, Sat in a corner, Eating his Christmas Pie. Stuck in his thumb, Pulled out a bulldozer, And said: "bloody hell, I could have choked on that!" Little Jack Horner, Sat in a corner, Eating his Christmas Pie. Stuck in his thumb, Pulled out a plum, And said, "Ouch! This is bloody hot!" Hickory, Dickory, Dock Three mice ran up the clock, The clock struck one, and the other two got away with minor injuries. Hackery dackery duck The stupid mouse is stuck It can't pick And it can't click Hackery dackery duck Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, All the King's horses, And All the King's men, Said, "Scramble him, he's only an egg!" Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, All the King's horses, And All the King's men, Had omlettes for sixty-two weeks. Little Miss Muffet, Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, Who sat down beside her And said, "What's in the bowl, bitch?" Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy was arrested for indecent exposure and is now serving time in the state pen. There was an old woman, Who lived in a shoe; She had so many children, She didn't know what to do. She collected allimony, And even child support; When granted a divorce, At the municiple court. Momma went to the County, And said, "It ain't enough! I need some more money, `Cause, times are real tough!" Now she's on welfare, The kids now have fruit; And the family is now moving, To a patent leather boot. The kids no longer wonder, If times will be bad; They just thank Uncle Sam, Who they think is their dad. The nursery rhymes we teach our children are so archaic as to appear to be nonsense. The references to animals like sheep and pigs and the obsolete professions like pipers and kings fail to inform modern muchers and muchettes about the one thing they need in order to live full productive lives: Peter Peter pumpkin eater Had a wife and couldn't keep her He put her in a pumpkin shell And then he watched some television Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over, The cable decoder Murray had a big TV With colors bright as life And every time he turned it on He forgot about his wife. Are you beeping? Are you beeping? Brother Jack? Brother Jack? Get your pocket pager. Get your pocket pager. Call them back. Call them back. Peas porridge hot Peas porridge cold Peas porridge from the microwave oven Mary had a cool boombox The loudest in the town And everywhere that Mary went They said to turn it down Mister Cole has remote control And remote control has he He gets CNN He gets HBO And he gets his MTV Skipping through the dial All night from dusk to dawn Grazing four and eighty channels And still there's nothing on Verbose Mother Goose What if Mother Goose had tendencies and propensities toward verbosity and prolixity? Jack becomes dexterous, Jack becomes able to attain high velocity, Jack forms a trajectory over the illuminating apparatus of ozocitereous structure. Mary was formerly the owner and proprietor of a pygmy Ovis aries, It possessed an outer wool covering which had the characteristic pallidness much like that found in the appearance of crystalline precipitation, And to each point in space that Mary would venture to, The aforementioned Ovis aries would participate with a high degree of certainty. Diminutive Jack Horner Was seated at the perpendicular conjunction of three planar surfaces, Ingesting his baked Yuletide pastry. He inserted his opposable digit, And excavated a specimen of genus Prunus, And remarked, "What a benevolent adolescent I have become!" Lilliputian Damsel Muffet Was rested upon a squatty seating apparatus, Ingesting the lacteal substances in her possession. At this point arrived an arachnid Which inhabited the immediate vicinity of the maiden, And, true to the fundamental principles of stimulus and response, arose trepidation in the damsel with sufficient efficiency so as to induce the aforementioned maiden to change locale. Three rodents with defective visual perception, three rodents with defective visual perception. Visualize how they perambulate, Visualize how they perambulate. They all perambulated after the agriculturist's spouse, she severed their spinal columns with a kitchen utensil. Have you ever seen such a spectacle in your existence, as three rodents with defective visual perception? as three rodents with defective visual perception? |
|