Tom Swifties

Tom Swifties


"                        ," said Tom blankly.
" ..., and you lose a few," said Tom winsomely.
"!" said Tom while banging his head.
"$400.  Do I hear $500?" asked the auctioneer morbidly.
"&*%#@! mixed-breed!" Tom muttered.
"...and I can't get up!" Tom wept impotently.
"@#$%*!  I've struck oil," Tom said," crudely.
"{sum += $2} END {print sum}", said Tom awkwardly.
"|/|", said Tom emphatically.
" We have another flat", Tom said tiredly.
"2 bdrm furn w 5 appl," said Tom aptly.
"A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair", said Tom, 
visibly moved.
"A thousand thanks," Monsieur," Tom said mercifully.
"AARRGGHH!!," I've just been stabbed! said Tom half-heartedly.
"According to this sonograph, the average frequency of my speaking
 voice is 160 Hz", said Tom in measured tones.
"Add this list of n numbers and divide the sum by n," said Tom meanly.
"Add up this list of n numbers and then divide the sum by n", said
 Tom meanly.
"Adherents of my religion don't all have to believe the same thing", 
 Tom decreed.
"After the trial I sold a dozen pieces of the rock", said the
 insurance salesman jurisprudently.
"Ah, I have many stocks," Tom shared.
"Ah, now I can see through the window", said Tom stiltedly.
"Alas, I am inconsolable!" said Tom uncomfortably.
"Alas, I am sick with love for the fair Igraine!" said Uther
 Pendragon illustriously (and achingly).
"Albert, that illegal left turn is going to cost you twenty bucks",
 said the policeman finally.
"Algol standards aren't the same without Niklaus on the committee",
 said Tom wirthlessly.
"All ancient Chinese artifacts should be burned," said Tom charmingly.
"All I did was pull the spark plug wire," Tom said shockingly.
"All I ever do is milk this damn cow," Tom uttered continuously.
"All I ever do is work", Tom droned.
"All I got left on the grill is medium and well-done," Tom said 
without rares.
"All I have to do is engrave portraits on these bills," Tom forged  ahead.
"All I want is 20,000 machine guns," said the dictator disarmingly.
"All my knowledge cannot ease my arthritis", said the wiseacre.
"All right -- we'll use a water solution", Tom acquiesced.
"All right, I will allow the prisoners to wear perfume", the warden
 consented.
"All these years prospecting, and all I have to show for it is the
 deed to this hole in the ground under my outhouse that otherwise 
 ain't worth nuthin'", said Tom single mine diddly squat.
"Alouette, je te plumerai", sang Tom jauntily.
"An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older
 she gets, the more interested he is in her", said Agatha Christie
 virtuosically.
"An now, I have no stocks," Tom said without shares.
"An officer is coming," said Tom generally.
"And dat bay is not green," Tom discovered.
"And I can't find Ireland on the map, either," Tom said without Eire.
"And lose a few," said Tom winsomely. -- Edward J O'Brien
"And so my brakes failed," continued Tom.
"And to think I swallowed it lie, hook, line and sinker!" Tom gulped.
"And what about YOUR felony?" Tom retorted.
"Angel dust? Me? Never touch it!" Tom snorted.
"Ann's my sister", said Andy raggedly.
"Another batch of shells for me!," Tom clamored.
"Another work week begins!", Tom said mundanely.
"Are those curtains Venetian?" Tom asked blindly.
"Are you gonna eat that?," Tom asked hungrily.
"Are you sure that sweater isn't too tight?" said Tom, pointedly.
"Aren't five cups of tea too many from one bag?" asked Tom weakly
"Argh! Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!"
 said Jesus crossly.
"Argh, I've just been stabbed!" said Tom half-heartedly.
"Arnold Palmer recovered his golf ball," said Tom profoundly.
"As a rule, most clocks make noise," Tom said dogmatically.
"As my sole heir, you get it all," said Tom willfully.
"As soon as the rain stops, we'll break camp," said Tom intently.
"As your guidance counsellor, my suggestion is that you become a
 haematologist." "Not bloody likely," said Tom.
"Avoid bleeding," Tom said cuttingly.
"Bad marksmanship," the hunter groused.
"Barman, three German beers," said Hans drily.
"Be careful with that saw!" Tom said offhandedly.
"Bosnia is free," said Tom acerbically.
"Bother!" said Tom, as he thought he was Pooh.
"Bow to me and I will lead you" Tom commanded sternly.
"Boy, am I feeling blue!" said Tom as he joined the British navy.
"Boy, am I impressed!" said Tom as he joined the British Navy.
"Boy, I wish the elevator were working," said a tired Tom, staring
 up to the top.
"Boy, is that pooch fat," Tom said dogmassively.
"Boy, that sure took the wind out of my sails!" said Tom disgustedly.
"Boy, that's a bright star," said Tom seriously.
"Boy, that's an ugly hippopotamus!" said Tom hypocritically.
"Boy, these blintzes are good!" said Tom judiciously.
"Boy, what a super silly ass!" said Tom superciliously.
"Boy, will I give YOU a haircut!" said Tom barbarously.
"Brace for impact," Picard said," parenthetically.
"Brew me another coffee," said Tom perkily
"British English, of course," Di elected to say.
"But he'd LOVE to play Frisbee toss with you," Tom said fetchingly.
"But I don't want to read Moby Dick!" wailed Tom.
"But I like pineapple" said Tom, dolefully
"But suppose X does exist after all," Tom expostulated.
"But, at least my clothes are in one piece," Tom said without tears.
"But, officer, I had only ONE beer," said Bud Wisely
"Buy me a drink?" said Tom dryly.
"By convention!" cussed Tom airily.
"Call me a cab," said Tom hackly.
"Can I have one of those chocolates?" asked Tom candidly.
"Can you hear me through this sieve?" was Tom's strained query.
"Can you read music?" the bandleader asked notably.
"Captain, your transplant isn't complete yet," said the doctor
 half-heartedly.
"Cheryl, you stand between Ella and Pauline," interposed the
 photographer.
"Choir up!" commanded the church conductor loftily.
"Close the hatch! We're being invaded by bugs!" said Tom importantly.
"Come again?" Tom ejaculated.
"Come here or I'll whip you," Tom said flogmatically.
"Company's coming!" Tom guessed.
"Consult an investment broker," was Tom's stock answer.
"Cover your mouth when you sneeze!" Tom scoffed.
"Croatia is free," said Tom acerbically.
"Damn, I dropped the toothpaste," Tom said, crestfallen
"Damn," no more bananas," Tom said fruitlessly.
"Damn," said Tom grandly but coolly.
"Dance in lane," said the sign frugally.
"Darling, I can't possibly make love again so soon," said Tom softly.
"Dat is not duh @#$%*! way to do it," Tom discussed.
"Dawn came too soon!" Tom mourned.
"Dear, you've lost your birth control pills," said Tom pregnantly.
"Define normal," Tom said strangely.
"Demons can be robbed," said Tom improbably.
"Did you get a face lift?" asked Tom nosily.
"Did you hear about the fire downtown?" said Tom heatedly.
"Did you know that the preying mantis eats her mate? Tom gulped.
"Did you put yeast in that bread maker?" yelled Tom, his voice rising.
"Doctor, why do you have to remove my womb?" asked Mary hysterically.
"Donald Duck lost his girl!" Tom said lackadaisically.
"Don't crow about it," Peg said cockily.
"Don't fix me up with some devilish girl," Tom said without Blairs.
"Don't rest on your laurels," said Tom hardily.
"Don't shoot, I'll drop my gun," Tom said disarmingly
"Don't touch that turtle," Tom snapped.
"Don't walk all over me," Tom said doormatically.
"Don't you think the drawing room walls look awfully bare?" asked
 Tom artlessly.
"Dorian Gray's by Oscar," said Tom wildly.
"Down, Spot!" Tom commanded in Dalmatian.
"Drive that armored vehicle over here," said Tom cantankerously.
"Drop the gun," Tom said with a disarming smile.
"Dumb mutt had another accident," Tom said dungmatically.
"Eat more fruit," said Tom, with aplomb.
"Eating Radium has strange results," Tom said brightly.
"Eating uranium makes me feel funny," said Tom glowingly.
"Elminster, you idiot! You turned me into a centaur!" Tom said
 hoarsely.
"Enough of your fairy tales!" Tom said grimly.
"Er, a Valu-Jet airliner crashed in a southern swamp," said
 Tom floridly.
"Eureka!" said Archimedes to the skunk.
"Eve, I won't touch that apple!" Tom said adamantly.
"Fangs for the Memories!" -- Vampire, The Musical!
"Farmer Jones has my reaper!" Tom said grimly.
"Female canines lick the coats of their young," said Tom dogmatically.
"Fire all torpedoes," Captain Tom exploded.
"Fire!" yelled Tom alarmingly.
"Flames to /dev/null, please," directed Tom nihilistically.
"Flying saucers use antigravity to stay up," said Tom knowingly.
"Forgive them," for they know not what they do! said Jesus crossly.
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!" said Tom without cares!!
"Gee, I sure miss Rush," said Tom aimlessly.
"Gentlemen: Please send me your catalogue," wrote Tom, listlessly.
"Geoff talks too much," Tom said crossly.  (to GEOFF CROSS, Toronto)
"Get away from the dynamite," Tom said explosively.
"Get me an oxygen tank," Tom breathed.
"Get off my lap," said Tom derisively.
"Get off the horse," Tom derided Thomasina,.
"Get to the back of the boat," Tom said sternly.
"Gin rummy with Brandy's scotched, Bud," whined Sherry wryly.
"Give me all your money," Tom said steely.
"Give me an A-flat," said Tom, accordingly
"Give me some Chinese food," said Tom wantonly.
"Give me some more macaroni and cheese, and I'll tell you," said
 Tom craftily.
"Give me some pudding right away," said Tom hastily.
"Give me the gun," Tom said disARMingly.
"Goddammit, I won't come at all," Tom ejaculated.
"Gold leaf," said Tom guiltily. --Edward J O'Brien
"Goodbye, Columbus!" flipped Tom wrothly.
"Goody Two Shoes is a great song," Tom said adamantly.
"Gremlins must have done it!" Tom implied.
"Hah! I got that ten pin down!" said Tom sparingly.
"Hah! I've got that animal pegged!" Tom specified.
"Has the concrete set yet?" "Well, hardly," Tom replied.
"Have a ride in my new ambulance," said Tom hospitably.
"Have another soft drink," Tom coaxed.
"Have fun in Italy," said Tom romantically.
"Have it monogrammed," was Tom's initial suggestion.
"Have some shampoo," was Tom's unconditional offer.
"Have you anything by Hugo?" asked Les miserably.
"Have you found the antidote to AIDS?" asked Tom curiously.
"He always disobeys!" Tom said dogbratically.
"He just doesn't want to walk," Tom said dragmatically.
"He...she...it," pronounced Tom.
"Help me set fire to this cross," said Tom clannishly.
"Help, I'm drowning!" was Tom's glib, glib, glib chortle.
"Her sister's son played Batman on TV," said Tom, adamantly.
"Here, son, have a free balloon!" said Tom expansively.
"Here's an epenthetic stamp," said Tom f'lat'ly.
"Here's my PGP key" Tom said cryptically....
"Here's the puppy's mother," Tom said dogmatically.
"Here's your allowance for the next two weeks," Tom advanced.
"He's a security officer at the bank," Tom said guardedly.
"He's an Eastern European dog," Tom said Praguematically.
"He's so dumb he couldn't even split a pine pole," Tom railed.
"Hey, castration is reversible," Tom remembered.
"Hey, like, sailing is really far out, man," said Tom hypnotically.
"Hey, what happened to the ridge on my forehead?" asked Worf,
 crestfallen.
"Hey, you're standing on my foot!" said Tom standoffishly.
"His honor is crazy!" admitted Tom judgementally.
"Honey, put on that see-through thing," said Tom negligently.
"How about going back to my place?" Tom asked easily.
"How about some orange squash" said Tom, cordially.
"How 'bout a toss in the hay?" asked Tom loftily.
"How can you stand outside the window without falling?" asked Tom,
 allegedly.
"How do you like my new contacts?" asked Tom, glassy-eyed.
"How do you like my petticoat?" asked Thomasina, shiftlessly.
"How do you like this negligee?" asked Thomasina, transparently.
"How do you start a model-T Ford without a battery?" asked Tom
 crankily.
"How do you start this car again?" Tom choked.
"How embarrassing" said Tom, readily.
"How many dings you got in your door," Tom? "Ten," Tom replied
 decadently.
"Huh?" said Tom deafly.
"Hurray for our team!" said Tom cheerfully.
"I almost killed Ruth" Tom said almost ruthlessly.
"I always eat at McDonald's," said Tom archly.
"I always pray to St. Ignatius," said Tom loyally.
"I always stammer just before July," was Tom's jejune explanation.
"I am a being of a higher power," Tom exponentiated.
"I am amused by your joke with the stupid punchline said Tom,"
 chagrined.
"I am from Jupiter," Tom said, jovially.
"I am not a crook," Mr. Nixon said resignedly.
"I am NOT a fraidy-cat," Tom wimppurred.
"I am NOT a homosexual necrophiliac," said Tom in dead earnest.
"I am NOT full of hot air," Tom belched.
"I am NOT on drugs," said Tom in a high falsetto.
"I am off to the race track," said Tom, hoarsely.
"I am so one of the seven dwarfs!" he said grumpily.
"I am so singing in tune," Tom sounded off.
"I ate a chicken sandwich," said Tom foully.
"I ate the flock," Tom said sheepishly
"I bequeath," said Tom willfully. -Edward J O'Brien
"I bet it will suddenly stop!" said Tom abruptly.
"I bought these peanuts in Los Angeles," said Tom lugubriously.
"I brought the dessert," said Tom piously.
"I brush my teeth every five minutes," said Tom implacably.
"I build wig-wams and teepees," Tom said tensely
"I can be self-referential if I want to," said Tom swiftly.
"I can eat one hundred and forty-four," Tom boasted grossly.
"I can get this stupid horse to stop," said Tom woefully.
"I can guess that you're a holy man," Tom divined.
"I can split demons in two," Tom imparted.
"I can tell you the cost," Tom quoted
"I can't be bothered" said Tom, effortlessly
"I CAN'T be drowning in African waters!" pleaded Tom, deep in denial.
"I can't believe I ate that whole pineapple!" Tom said, dolefully.
"I can't believe you cut off all my hair!" she said, distressed.
"I can't do this new math," Tom added.
"I can't eat another thing," Tom said fully.
"I can't find my reefers!" Tom said disjointedly.
"I can't find the right file," Tom said diskgustedly.
"I can't find the spare," said Tom tirelessly.
"I can't march any more," Tom said haltingly.
"I can't play the guitar because my fingers are too big," said
 Tom fretfully.
"I can't swallow!" said Tom, swiftly.
"I can't tell whether I'm coming or going," Tom said amphisbaenically.
"I can't train this terrier!" Tom dogmatized.
"I can't zeem to locate our enemy's disposable lighter," said
 Tom xenophobically.
"I cast fireball!" Tom said magically.
"I caught two hares," said Tom abrasively.
"I chop down trees for a living," said Tom lumberingly.
"I climbed Mount Everest," said Tom hilariously.
"I collect fairy tales," said Tom grimly.
"I command a private army," said Tom maliciously.
"I commanded a group of ships for a week," Tom said fleetingly.
"I could always draw it on paper," Tom figured.
"I could be anybody," said ___ namelessly.
"I could pick up a few odd items at the IGA," she said listlessly.
"I could stand to lose 50% of my body weight," said Tom affably.
"I couldn't face any more chocolate," said Tom, bountifully.
"I couldn't get enough," said Simon piggishly.
"I dance at a topless club," Tom's girlfriend said barely.
"I deal with things by abstaining," said Tom copacetically.
"I designate you my chief heir," said Tom willingly.
"I did rather well in Vegas!" Tom said winsomely.
"I discovered oil," said Tom crudely.
"I do admire Dolly Parton's acting," said Tom, figuratively.
"I do everything in a BIG way!" exclaimed Jason; not to be cowed.
"I do NOT have a multiple personality disorder," said Tom, trying
 to be frank.
"I don't believe in mixed marriages," said Tom gaily.
"I don't believe in the Heimlich manoeuvre," Tom struck back.
"I don't have a boyfriend," said Thomasina, guilelessly.
"I don't have to stand upright," said Tom grandly.
"I don't know the words to this part of the song," said Tom humbly.
"I don't like hot dogs," Tom said frankly.
"I don't like that Christmas tree," Tom pined.
"I don't need the mantissa of the logarithm," said Tom
 characteristically.
"I don't see Edward," Tom noted.
"I don't think I can keep this up," Tom announced impotently.
"I don't think I can last any longer!" ejaculated Tom.
"I don't think I'll have the pickled fish today," said Tom unerringly.
"I don't think it's a fir," Tom opined.
"I don't want a bottle that can exist only in hyperspace," Tom
 declined.
"I don't want a second helping, thank you," said the cannibal
 manfully.
"I don't want to redo our kitchen," countered Tom.
"I don't want to rewrite this in prose," said Tom aversely.
"I don't work here on a regular basis," said Tom casually.
"I drink beer, but not from bottles," Tom said cannily.
"I dropped my brace over the balcony," said Tom downcastly.
"I dropped my toothpaste," Tom said, crestfallen.
"I enjoy making bicycle wheels," Tom spoke up.
"I failed my electrocardiogram," said Tom faint-heartedly.
"I favor self-restraint everywhere in North America," said Tom
 continently.
"I feel empty inside," Tom hollered.
"I feel like a Chinese laborer," said Tom coolly.
"I feel like attacking a monarch," said Tom strikingly.
"I feel so ... empty," said Tom vacuously.
"I finally threw out my old pants," Tom said without flares.
"I find Chinese strippers appealing," Tom said wantonly.
"I find my job painful -- every inch of it," said Lear achingly.
"I find you guilty!" said the judge with conviction.
"I finished my water," Tom said drunkenly.
"I first had sex on a farm," Tom said sheepishly.
"I fixed the toilet," announced Tom," flushed with success.
"I flunked this lousy exam," said Tom testily.
"I forgot what to buy," Tom said listlessly.
"I got a personal letter from Ann Landers," was Tom's epigraph.
"I got five cavities since my last dentist's visit," said Tom
 neurotically.
"I got the first three wrong," said Tom forthrightly.
"I got this ballpoint pen from a Yugoslav friend," said Tom
 acerbically.
"I guess this trampoline is okay," Tom said flippantly.
"I had to fire my first mate from the boat," said Tom excruciatingly.
"I hate climbing this winding staircase," said Tom coyly.
"I hate exams!" the Tom snapped testily.
"I hate Iambic Pentameter" Tom mused poetically
"I hate pies with crumb bases," said Tom crustily.
"I hate pineapples," said Tom dolefully.
"I hate reading Victor Hugo," said Les miserably.
"I hate shellfish," said Tom crabbedly.
"I hate sweet potatoes," Tom yammered.
"I hate Victor Hugo," said Les miserably.
"I have a B.A. in social work," said Tom with a degree of concern.
"I have a bigger piano than this," Tom said grandly
"I have a patent cure for 'the kissing disease'," said Tom
 monotonically.
"I have another exam!" Tom exclaimed testily.
"I have booked a table at the restaurant," said Tom reservedly.
"I have grape beverages," Tom whined with clarity.
"I have no funnel" Tom spouted laconically.
"I have no idea," said Tom thoughtlessly.
"I have switched to metric," Tom expounded defeatedly.
"I have the biggest dick in the town," said Tom cockily
"I have to attend my PhD oral examination," said Tom defensively.
"I have to fix all the bugs, and add some new features," Tom
 maintained.
"I have to insert this wooden spatula in your mouth," said Tom
 depressingly.
"I have to wear this cast for another six weeks," said Tom
 disjointedly.
"I have writer's block," said Tom contritely.
"I haven't a notion," said Poseidon when the sea dried up.
"I haven't caught a fish all day!" Tom said, without debate.
"I haven't done it yet," said VIRGINia. I'm chicken.
"I haven't put air in my fifth tire," said Tom despairingly.
"I haven't read that Fairy Tale," he said Grimmly.
"I hope my mother gets hit by a steamroller," said Tom malevolently.
"I hope to be a great artist just like Van Gogh," Tom said
 without ear.
"I hope you're not afraid of needles," Tom injected.
"I invested in a high-tech startup," Tom ventured.
"I joined the Lion's Club," said Tom pridefully.
"I just ate all these beans," Tom said astutely.
"I just ate all this hay," said Tom," balefully.
"I just ate all those beans," said Tom astutely.
"I just ate that Eskimo's dog," barked Tom in a husky voice.
"I just bought a wool sweater," said Tom sheepishly.
"I just came in from Jupiter," Tom said jovially
"I just can't get enough of these dog swifties," Tom said rabidly.
"I just can't use Ethernet too often," said Tom sleepily.
"I just fed the lion!" said Tom, offhandedly...
"I just forgot to increment the counter," Tom said, nonplussed.
"I just golf for fun," Tom said without pars.
"I just got a sex change," said Tom, feeling rather disorganized.
"I just got kicked out of China!" said Tom, rather disoriented.
"I just had a brain operation," Tom said absent-mindedly.
"I just hung my sheets on the clothesline," said Tom erringly.
"I just lost a game of Russian Roulette," Tom said absentmindedly.
"I just returned from Japan," Tom said disorientedly.
"I just saw a lion fly overhead!" Tom said uproariously.
"I just shoplifted from a major department store," said Tom sincerely.
"I just swallowed a fishing lure," said Tom with baited breath.
"I keep banging my head on things," Tom said, bashfully.
"I keep picking up radio signals from outer space," said Tom
 impulsively.
"I killed the Greek Piper God," Tom deadpanned.
"I know all the wherefores," said Tom wisely.
"I know how to communicate sequential processes," said the whore
 guardedly.
"I know which boyd gets the woym," said Tom in an oily voice.
"I learned a lot about women while I was in Paris," said Tom
 indifferently.
"I like Australian beer," said Tom, hopingly.
"I like LSD," Tom said acidly.
"I like measles! laughed Tom infectiously.
"I like modern painting," said Tom abstractly.
"I like ragged margins," said Tom without justification.
"I like this drill," said Tom as he carie'd out the dental work.
"I like this gin." said Tom, slowly.
"I like to sleep when I go camping," said Tom, intently.
"I like writing artificially intelligent programs," Tom lisped.
"I live for the day!" said Tom, without cares.
"I live in a bungalow!" said Tom, without stairs.
"I lost all my copies of my favorite Emily Bronte book," Tom said
 without Eyr.
"I lost at Russian Roulette," Tom said absentmindedly.
"I lost my flower," Tom said lackadaisically.
"I lost my opera album," Tom said without Peers.
"I lost my pilot's license" Tom explained.
"I love camping," Tom said intensely.
"I love crossword puzzles," said Tom, cryptically.
"I love M&Ms" said Tom candidly
"I love pancakes," said Tom flippantly.
"I love percussion instruments," said Tom symbolically.
"I love reading _Moby Dick_," said Tom superficially.
"I love supercomputers! giggled Tom crayzily.
"I love these pancakes," said Tom flippantly.
"I love these sunglasses!" said Tom, without glares.
"I love to play with radioactive waste," Tom said glowingly.
"I love trying to make insects fly," said Tom flippantly.
"I love watching the women skaters," said Tom figuratively.
"I manufacture those tabletops," said Tom counterproductively.
"I missed the Bugs Bunny cartoon again!" Tom said without hares.
"I must attend my flock," said Tom sheepishly.
"I must be on a visit," Tom guessed.
"I MUST patch this coat." Tom said raggedly.
"I must remove that bunion," Tom said callously.
"I need a flower for my lapel," said Tom lackadasically.
"I need a home run hitter," Tom said ruthlessly.
"I need a Latin Bible suitable for reading under water," Tom divulged.
"I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly.
"I need the mantissa of the logarithm," said Tom characteristically.
"I need to clear my head," said Tom opaquely.
"I need to go and convalesce," said Tom hospitably.
"I never eat chicken with my fingers," Tom clucked.
"I never get lost," said the pathologist.
"I never go into saloons," said Tom dryly.
"I never let 'em see me sweat," Tom said without pores.
"I newt!" said the salamander.
"I only get Newsweek," said Tom timelessly.
"I ordered chocolate, not vanilla," I screamed. -Rambo & Youngquist
"I organized that big party for the prisoners," Tom confessed.
"I passed my electrocardiogram," said Tom wholeheartedly.
"I plan to work for Digital," said Tom, giving me the finger.
"I play the part of Sir Edmund Hillary," said Tom climactically.
"I promised that telethon money," Tom pledged.
"I pulled the wool over Ollie's eyes," said Tom foolhardedly.
"I punched him in the stomach three times," said Tom triumphantly.
"I put the boards on the path to avoid the mud," said Tom
 hygienically.
"I rather like your home-made bread," he admitted crustily.
"I really wanted to give blood," sighed Tom vainly.
"I refuse to obey that French 'No Smoking' sign," fumed Tom
 defensively.
"I relish hot dogs." Tom added frankly.
"I remember the midwest being flatter than this," Tom explained.
"I saw a Tom Swiftie in that comment," Tom visualized.
"I saw that man remove my ballot from the box," said Tom devotedly.
"I see my neurotic blood-sucking arachnid," ... said Tom, his nervous
 tic showing.
"I seem to have been dropped from HUMOR," Tom said listlessly.
"I sent Kathleen on a mission to the Antilles," Tom indicated.
"I should have stopped sooner," Tom postulated.
"I slept in a draft last night," said Tom stiffly.
"I smell gas," Tom fumed.
"I spilt the syrup," said Tom stickily.
"I still haven't struck oil," said Tom boringly.
"I still think we should differentiate the magnetic flux," said Tom
 defiantly.
"I studied law to learn ways to avoid getting caught," said Tom
 syntactically.
"I sure wish we had more girls down here on the farm," Tom said
 sheepishly.
"I swallowed a window! Tom shouted painfully.
"I tend to use infinitives rather than gerunds," said Tom knowingly.
"I think all feminists should work as housewives," said Tom
 deliberately.
"I think I broke my leg!" Tom said painfully.
"I think I might regenerate," Tom, the Doctor said shiftily.
"I think I'll end it all," Sue sighed. -Rambo & Youngquist
"I think I'll just stand," said Tom without chairs.
"I think I'll put new stuffing in that old settee," said Tom
 fill-a-sofa-cally.
"I think I'll use a different font," said Tom, boldly.
"I think I'm a werewolf," Tom said doggedly.
"I think it's time I had a perm," said Tom liltingly.
"I think we should differentiate the magnetic flux," said Tom
 defiantly.
"I told you not to ride that horse," Tom nagged.
"I use a machine to wash Rover," Tom said dogmatically.
"I used lots of detergent in late December," was Tom's yuletide
 comment.
"I used to be a conductor," said Tom extraneously.
"I used to be a pilot," Tom explained.
"I used to command a battalion of German ants," said Tom exuberantly.
"I used to work for Kelly Services," Tom extemporized.
"I used to work for the railway company," said Tom extraneously.
"I want mare!" said Jock hoarsely.
"I want some Chinese food," said Tom wantonly.
"I want some Dom Perignon, too!" Tom whined.
"I want the ceiling done with short brush marks," she stipulated.
"I want to |=////> in the back seat of my car," Tom said
 autoerotically.
"I want to be carried in a covered couch," said Tom literally.
"I want to date around," said Tom unsteadily.
"I want to date other men," Tom said gaily.
"I want to date other women," said Tom unsteadily.
"I want to hear my baby bleat," Thomasina, kidded.
"I want to play in a brass band," Tom trumpeted.
"I was adopted," said Tom transparently.
"I was brushing my teeth! said Tom with a gleam in his eye.
"I was caught stealing in Iran," said Tom offhandedly.
"I was completely exonerated," said Tom clearly.
"I was Fred Astaire's partner," she boasted gingerly
"I was in a riot in Paris," Tom noised abroad.
"I was removed from office," said Tom disappointedly.
"I wear a second pair of gloves," Tom admitted.
"I will allow the prisoners to wear perfume," the warden consented.
"I will find out how many electrons that atom is sharing," said
 Tom valiantly.
"I will NOT finish in fifth place," Tom held forth.
"I wish I could remember the name of that card game," said Tom
 wistfully.
"I wish I'd made that bet," Tom, the bookmaker, said hoarsely.
"I wish this erection would go away" Tom said pointedly.
"I won a peace prize," Tom said nobelly.
"I won the daily double," Tom cried hoarsely.
"I wonder if I'd have better luck if I fished with a net,"
 Tom debated.
"I wonder what sex that cat is," said Tom.
"I wonder why uranium is fluorescent," said Tom, curiously.
"I won't give it a second thought," said Tom absent-mindedly.
"I won't let a flat tire get me down," Tom said, without despair.
"I won't listen to you, Leonard!" said Tom def-t-Lee.
"I work at a bank," said Tom tellingly.
"I work for the vice squad," the officer said arrestingly
"I would like to frame the picture of my dog," Tom said dogmattingly.
"I wouldn't marry you if you're the only woman on earth! said
 Tom evenly.
"I wouldn't mind a boiled egg for breakfast," she said softly.
"I wouldn't mind a piece of the blueberry," said Tom, piously.
"I wouldn't mind running my fingers over THOSE!" said Tom fondly.
"I wrote that window system for MIT," Tom exclaimed.
"I'd like a hot dog," Tom said frankly.
"I'd love some Chinese food," said Tom wantonly.
"I'd never let a bank keep my money" said Tom disinterestedly
"If it's all the same to you," Tom said equally.
"I'll || gather || my || thoughts," Tom concatenated.
"I'll cut my OWN hair," said Tom barbarically.
"I'll cut you to ribbons!" said Tom mincingly.
"I'll do the dusting," Tom pledged.
"I'll excise the bunion," Tom said callously.
"I'll frost her Frigidaire," thought Tom chillingly.
"I'll get you next time, Whiplash!" said Tom snidely.
"I'll get you out of prison in no time," said Tom balefully.
"I'll get you! And your little dog too!" Tom cried doggedly.
"I'll go get the stick," said Tom fetchingly.
"I'll have a hot dog," said Tom frankly.
"I'll have red wine with my roadkill," Tom said flatly.
"I'll have the dark bread," said Tom wryly.
"I'll have to convert to floating point," Tom realized.
"I'll have to dig another ditch around that castle," Tom sighed,
 remotely.
"I'll have to take the telegrapher's test again, said Tom
 remorsefully.
"I'll need only three of my houses," said Tom forebodingly.
"I'll never get parked on this Paris street," Tom said ruefully.
"I'll never sleep on the railroad tracks again!" Tom said, beside
 himself.
"I'll never stop drilling until I strike oil," said Tom, crudely.
"I'll never understand quantum mechanics," Tom sighed starrily.
"I'll never use that brand of detergent again," said Tom woebetidedly.
"I'll pay off that customs official," said Tom dutifully.
"I'll provide the prisoner with getaway footwear," said Tom
 consolingly.
"I'll put new stuffing in that old settee," said
 Tom fill-a-sofa-cally.
"I'll take that," said Tom appropriately.
"I'll take the prisoner downstairs," said Tom condescendingly.
"I'll take this bra," the woman said upliftingly.
"I'll top the cake with sugar," she said icily.
"I'll try to dig up a couple of friends," said Tom gravely.
"I'll use my camera if I want to," Tom snapped.
"I'll wear my wool sweater," Tom said sheepishly.
"I'll wear robes," Charlton Heston said prophetically.
"Imagine a large artificial breeze," Tom fantasized.
"In the beginning voz...," Tom averred.
"Indeed," Tom said, apathetically.
"Is nothing sacred?" said Tom naughtily.
"Is that a pony?" the Tom asked hoarsely
"Is there any adverb that can't make one of these? Tom asked.
"Is there no end to this? Tom asked finally.
"Is this sodomy?" asked Tom, half in Ernest.
"It -- it -- it --" he reiterated.
"It appears to be a small rodent," said Tom shrewdly.
"It just doesn't add up," he said, nonplussed.
"I'm *NOT* a homonecrophiliac!" said Tom in dead Earnest.
"I'm a beekeeper," Tom droned.
"I'm a frayed knot," said Tom discordantly.
"I'm a lesbian," Thomasina, mentioned. [men shunned]
"I'm a little rusty," said Tom ironically.
"I'm a Reagan-watcher," said Tom ironically.
"I'm a softball pitcher," said Tom underhandedly.
"I'm a Soviet military official," Tom commiserated.
"I'm afraid you've had a stroke," said Tom cerebrally.
"I'm an atheist!" said Tom, without prayers.
"I'm an ordained minister," said Tom reverently.
"I'm appealing against my exam results" Tom remarked.
"I'm at the end of my rope," said Tom knottily.
"I'm back from my lobotomy," said Tom absentmindedly.
"I'm being sent down to the minors," said Tom, the beleaguered
 pitcher.
"I'm bored," Tom said lumberingly.
"I'm calling for Mr. Nixon," Tom said crookedly.
"I'm choking!" said Tom without air.
"I'm coming!" Tom ejaculated.
"I'm done jogging, hand me my trousers," Tom panted.
"I'm 'drawing' the butter," Tom clarified fatuously.
"I'm dying for a drink!" said Tom without bars.
"I'm dying," Tom croaked.
"I'm dying for Morphine," Tom whispered painfully.
"I'm easily moved to anger," said Tom insensibly.
"I'm experimenting with homosexuality," said Tom, half in earnest.
"I'm falling!" cried Tom condescendingly.
"I'm glad I passed my electrocardiogram," said Tom wholeheartedly.
"I'm going after that red fish," said Tom 'erringly.
"I'm going back to school soon," said Tom with class.
"I'm going to pick berries," rasped Tom.
"I'm going to plug this appliance in again," said Tom in a
 revolting manner.
"I'm having an affair with my gamekeeper," said the lady chattily.
"I'm in bed with the mumps," said Tom infectiously.
"I'm just not attracted to you," said Tom flaccidly.
"I'm knitting a sweater for my guppy," said Tom wolfishly.
"I'm learning to play guitar," Tom said fretfully.
"I'm letting my nails grow," Tom said without pares.
"I'm lost at sea!" said Tom without flares
"I'm missing the last piece!" Tom said puzzled!
"I'm never anywhere on time," Tom related.
"I'm no communist," Alger hissed.
"I'm no good at golf. I know I'm going to hit another bad shot,"
 Tom forewarned.
"I'm not a crook!" Nixon said resignedly.
"I'm not exactly finished trimming the bushes," Tom hedged.
"I'm not going to eat any more of those pastries," Tom de-eclaired.
"I'm not having any more kids" said Tom's wife, overbearingly
"I'm of greater value to you every day," said Tom appreciatively.
"I'm off for the racetrack," said Tom hoarsely.
"I'm on welfare," said Tom dolefully.
"I'm opposed to integration," Tom said deferentially.
"I'm out of pineapple," said Tom dolefully.
"I'm positive this SOB goes for walks all by itself!" Tom said
 autodogmatically.
"I'm pretty good at basketball," said Tom, dribbling.
"I'm putting this microfiche back where it belongs," said Tom complacently.
"I'm reading about Communism," said Tom readily.
"I'm simply not a nice girl," Thomasina whispered tartly.
"I'm so full, I could blow up," said Tom yeastily.
"I'm still looking for a husband," said Thomasina guilelessly.
"I'm taking one from the top shelf," Tom said highhandedly.
"I'm taking over this hotel," said Tom inappropriately.
"I'm taking the prisoner downstairs," Tom said condescendingly.
"I'm taking your tagline," said Tom with a steely grin.
"I'm tearing my hair out over this problem," said Tom distressingly.
"I'm the butcher's helper," said Tom cuttingly.
"I'm thinking about a figure between 7 and 9," said Tom considerately.
"I'm thinking I might join Starfleet," said Rene siriusly.
"I'm tired of smiling," moaned Lisa.
"I'm trying to get some air circulating," said Tom fanatically
"I'm trying to make insects fly," said Tom flippantly.
"I'm very popular with women," said Don wanly.
"I'm wearing my wedding ring," said Tom with abandon.
"I'm writing about the rebels in Nicaragua," said Tom controversially.
"It's a bad hobbit," said Tom, not at all keenly.
"It's a big world out there," Tom said universally.
"It's a German song," Tom lied.
"It's a little red fruit," said Tom parsimoniously.
"It's a rooster! clucked Tom cockily.
"It's a unit of electric current," said Tom amply.
"It's best to find a new word for this," Tom determined.
"It's better to steal things together," Tom corroborated.
"It's between my sole and my heel," said Tom archly.
"It's cold, Timothy," said Tom with his distinctive timbre.
"It's dark in here," said Tom delightedly.
"It's fun to work with lasers!" Tom beamed.
"It's Jack the Ripper!" said Tom horrendously.
"It's just gold leaf," said Tom guiltily.
"It's my maid's night off," said Tom helplessly.
"It's not candy, it's a breath mint," Tom asserted.
"It's not polite to look directly at a man," Thomasina, chastised.
"It's over there," said Tom pointedly
"It's over," she sang fatly.
"It's the end of my equine line," Tom said without mares.
"It's time to play my wild card," Tom deduced.
"It's twelve noon," Tom chimed in.
"It's usually just food poisoning," said Tom mainly.
"It's worth about a dollar," said Tom buckishly.
"I've already checked the tire pressures" said Tom airily .
"I've already had X-rays," said Tom roentgenographically.
"I've been having an incontinence problem," Tom gushed.
"I've been on a diet," Tom expounded.
"I've brought back the lorry I borrowed," said Tom truculently.
"I've changed my name to Al," said Hal, exasperated.
"I've done more than talk to her on the phone," said Tom metaphysically.
"I've dropped my toothpaste," Tom said," crestfallen.
"I've eaten too much candy and soda pop," Tom said sweetly.
"I've finally stopped stuttering," said Tom, without Er's.
"I've finally won the Academy Award," said Henry fondly.
"I've forgotten that song Dr. Chandra taught me," said HAL lackadaisically.
"I've gained thirty pounds," said Tom heavily.
"I've got a bad cold," Tom said infectiously.
"I've got a new game," mumbled Peg.
"I've got another @$%*! insect in my pants," said Tom adamantly.
"I've got no place to live," said Tom without lairs.
"I've got sand in my food," said Tom grittily.
"I've got to find out why my broker got fired," said Tom as he investigated.
"I've got to fix the car," said Tom mechanically.
"I've got to jump!" Tom explained.
"I've got to reach Kenilworth tonight," said Tom, trotting doggedly onward.
"I've got to stop this motor," Tom choked.
"I've got two assholes" said Tom, extraneously
"I've grown fat on the contents of charity packages," said Tom carefully.
"I've had a by-pass operation" said Tom half-heartedly
"I've had a hemisphererectomy," said Tom single-mindedly.
"I've had a prefrontal lobotomy" Tom said absentmindedly.
"I've just bought another circuit-breaker," Tom refused.
"I've lived through a lot of windstorms," Tom regaled.
"I've lost my flower," said Tom lackadaisically.
"I've lost my gold mine!" Tom exclaimed.
"I've lost my trousers," Tom said expansively.
"I've lost the tickets to the show" said Tom, disconcertedly
"I've made a study of girls," said Tom lassitudinously.
"I've mixed up my gloves," Tom said intermittently.
"I've never heard of anilingus," said Tom, tongue in cheek.
"I've only got ten teeth," said Tom decadently.
"I've put some more coal on the fire" said Tom, gratefully
"I've run out of laundry detergent," said Tom cheerlessly.
"I've run out of wool," said Tom, knitting his brow.
"I've spotted more blackbirds than you have," Tom crowed.
"I've struck oil," Tom said, crudely.
"I've swallowed a fishing lure" said Tom with bated breath.
"Je suis francais," Tom had the gall to claim.
"Just clowning around," Tom chuckled.
"Just sit on the floor," Tom said without chairs.
"Keep an eye on that orbit," Tom said watchfully.
"Let me clean out this poison tank," said Tom deceptively.
"Let me improvise this part," said Tom descriptively.
"Let me out of this embassy," said Tom disconsolately.
"Let me rub some ointment on that," Tom said topically.
"Let me run down to the store," said Tom dashingly.
"Let me see if I can prove that," said Tom unassumingly.
"Let's all play an A, a C, and an E," cried the band with one accord.
"Let's eat kosher tonight," said Tom judiciously.
"Let's get married," said Tom engagingly (and dismissingly).
"Let's go and fly around the street lights, children," said the
 mammoth.
"Let's go to McDonald's," said Tom archly.
"Let's invite Greg and Gary," said Tom gregariously.
"Let's kill him," said the executive.
"Let's make some bread," Tom said doughmatically.
"Let's not invite any sadists," said Tom demeaningly.
"Let's play a joke on the Sun Users Group," Tom suggested.
"Let's play golf," said Tom coarsely.
"Let's play musical chairs," said Tom deceitfully.
"Let's send these packages to the poor overseas," she said carefully.
"Let's trap that sick bird," said Tom illegally.
"Let's visit tombs," said Tom cryptically.
"Let's walk," said Tom stridently.
"Lettuce take our seats," Tom said crisply.
"Listen to my Stallone impression," said Tom slyly.
"Look at my shiny kitchen floor," said Tom, waxing enthusiastic.
"Look at that jailbird climb down that wall," Tom observed with
 condescension.
"Look at that monster's sandals!" said Tom in a thing-thong voice.
"Look at that tree," Tom barked.
"Look at those newborn kittens," said Tom litterally.
"Look at those waves," Tom said vaguely.
"Look out for that bird!" cried Tom, ducking.
"Look out! We are about to drive into the mud," Tom admired.
"Look out, he's rabid!" Tom said dogmanically.
"Look under the green Jell-O," Tom said," sublimely.
"Look! There's a male cow with some chrysanthemums on it!" Tom
 mumbled.
"Look, fresh bread!" Tom said wryly.
"Looks like he stumbled into quicksand," Tom said bogmatically.
"Looks uncomputable to me," said Tom haltingly.
"Maid's night off," said Tom helplessly. -- Edward J O'Brien
"Mash that avocado and add some seasoning," said Tom guacamole.
"May I join your group and sing," too? Tom inquired.
"May I leave the room?" asked the schoolboy, high-handedly.
"May the Lord make us truly thankful," said Tom gracefully.
"Maybe it's in the stables," Tom mused.
"Mine's the biggest" said Tom, cocksurely.
"Mmmm ... grapefruit juice," Tom said sourly.
"Modem," said the gardener," when Tom finished the lawns.
"More power to the people," said Tom, electrifingly.
"Mr. Rockefeller did not bring his wife," said Tom haplessly.
"Mush," mush," Tom said huskily.
"My arm!" said Captain Hook offhandedly.
"My bicycle wheel is melting," Tom spoke softly.
"My bid for this contract aims to please," said Tom tenderly.
"My blood pressure doesn't register," said Tom impulsively.
"My book is about Tom, not frogs," croaked Edward Stratemeyer swiftly.
"My boutonniere's gone," Tom said lackadaisically.
"My Brothers," said Tom grimly.
"My Chinese necklace has been stolen," said Thomasina, jadedly.
"My cookie is empty," said Tom unfortunately.
"My cotton's full of bugs," said Tom weevilly.
"My dime rolled into the sewer," cried Tom gratefully.
"My dog loves to catch Frisbees," Tom said flippantly.
"My dog will only eat cantaloupes," was Tom's melancholy complaint.
"My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted. -- Roy Bongartz
"My family has a great future," said Tom clandestinely.
"My favorite kitten is the runt," said Tom litterally.
"My favorite statue is Venus de Milo," said Tom disarmingly.
"My favorite Tonight Show host was Johnny," Tom said without Paars.
"My favorites are Charles and Wonder," Tom stated blindly.
"My foot really hurts," said Tom archly.
"My glands are swollen," said Tom mumpishly.
"My glass is full," said Tom capacitively.
"My glasses are all fogged up," said Tom optimistically.
"My grape juice has fermented," Tom whined.
"My guitar is broken," Tom fretted.
"My jeans get wider at the bottom, Tom boasted with a flare.
"My job is to lead the audience's applause," Tom clucked.
"My juice requires SIX cans of water," said Tom with great
 concentration.
"My mother's sister will be here any minute," said Tom expectauntly.
"My novels are still in print," Tom said bookishly.
"My pants are wrinkled," said Tom ironically.
"My pencil is dull," said Tom pointlessly.
"My program has blown up," Tom cried explosively.
"My speaking voice frequency is 160 Hz," said Tom in measured tones.
"My spinal cord has been given notice," Tom fired back.
"My stallion is lonely," said Tom without mares.
"My stars!" said the astrologer gazingly.
"My stereo is broken," said Tom disconsolately.
"My stereo is working great now," said Tom ecstatically.
"My stereo's broken," said Tom monotonously.
"My taxi business is doing lousy," said Tom without fares.
"My wife's legs are all hairy," said Tom without Nair.
"My word is final!" Tom dictated to his secretary.
"Name the star of Rambo" said Tom slyly
"Nay!" Tom bridled hoarsely.
"Necessity is no excuse," was Tom's knock-knee'd opinion.
"Nevermore will I read 'The Raven'," said Tom poetically.
"Next time buy the two-ply kind," said Tom abrasively.
"Nice bed!" Tom lied.
"Nice mirror!" said Tom reflectively.
"Nice straight edge," Tom drooled.
"Nixon's not a crook!" Tom said resignedly.
"No ellipses, no parabolas, and no hyperbolas," said Tom laconically.
"No one brings me flowers," she said lackadaisically.
"No one special for me, I play the field," said Jesse cornily.
"No pilaf for me," please," said Tom derisively.
"No! You can't have any of my lobster," said Tom, shellfishly.
"No, Eve, I won't touch that apple," said Tom adamantly.
"No, I have NOT had enough!" said Tom solicitously.
"No, I haven't read Voltaire," said Tom candidly.
"No, I won't give you a note saying you're excused," said Tom
 unwaveringly.
"No, it didn't go up my sleeve," said Tom underhandedly.
"No, let's have another piece of dessert," Tom retorted.
"No, you can't have any of my oysters," said Tom shellfishly.
"No, you have to do it again," reiterated Tom loopily.
"Nobody is better at elaborate confidence games than I,"
 said Tom stinkingly.
"None of the hens are laying," Tom brooded.
"Not tonight, babe," proffered Tom limply.
"Nothing is indelible," said Tom irascibly.
"Nothing wrong with a mixed-breed," Tom said dogmuttically.
"Now how can I trick Sidney?" Tom considered.
"Now I can do some painting," said Tom easily.
"Now I get it," Tom said understandably.
"Now I'll NEVER dance," said Tom defeatedly.
"Now I've got uranium in my bloodstream!" said Tom vaingloriously.
"Now my clothes aren't in one piece," Tom said in tears.
"Now nobody can detect my halitosis," said Tom breathlessly.
"Now THAT's sloppy embroidery," Tom needled cruelly.
"Now THAT's worth stealing," said Tom abstractly.
"Now we remove the NH2 group," said Tom during the examination.
"Now we'll have to replace all the ship's windows," Tom reported.
"Now, where did I put that magazine?" Tom asked periodically.
"Nyaaah, nyaaah, nyaaah," Tom, Larry & Moe said soit'nly.
"Of course I can climb cliffs," Tom bluffed.
"Of course I can make armor out of chains," Tom replied by mail.
"Of course I'm aware ostriches can't fly! chirped Tom knowingly.
"Of course you graduated," Tom said diplomatically.
"Of quartz I won't take it for granite," Tom said gneissly.
"Oh my goodness!" said Tom graciously.
"Oh, a purist!" Tom said clearly.
"Oh, a purist!" Tom said with a strained voice.
"Oh, about a sixteenth of a pound," announced Tom. (an oz.)
"Oh, goody! Another blackout!" said Tom delightedly.
"Oh, I've dropped my toothpaste," said Tom crestfallenly.
"Oh, Rover! I know you're out here somewhere!" Tom said fogmatically.
"Oh, this house tastes good!" said Hansel and Gretel, gingerly.
"Oh, well, another broken window," said Tom painlessly.
"OJ will walk," Tom said cluelessly.
"OK Mom, I'm going to hypnotize you now," said Tom transparently.
"OK, I'll let you start the random number generator," Tom conceded.
 (seeded)
"Ok, YOU plant the vegetables, fellow inmate," Tom conceded. (seeded)
"Okay, sho I drank too much," said Tom, sotto voce.
"Okay, you can have the gloves without lining," Tom deferred.
"Okay, you can switch on the electric chair now," said Tom
 conceitedly.
"One lump or two?" asked Thomasina, sweetly.
"OOOHHH, does this feel good," Tom ejaculated.
"Oops! There goes my hat!" said Tom off the top of his head.
"Oops, I've ripped my pants!" was Tom's unseemly comment.
"Open your legs," honey," Tom said mellifluously.
"Oral self-stimulation is possible" admitted Tom, swallowing
 his pride.
"Order the cavalry to charge" he said hoarsely.
"Orlando's by Virginia," said Tom wolfishly.
"Ouch! When I get stung, I want revenge," said Tom begrudgingly.
"Ouch" said Tom sharply
"Our field is arthritis research," Tom and his roommate said jointly.
"Our marriage must be dissolved," Tom said acidly.
"Out, out, damned spot!" said Lady Macbeth, doggedly.
"Pancakes for breakfast," Tom said flatly.
"Pass the cards," said Tom ideally.
"Pass the lemons," Tom said acidly.
"Perhaps he's a former Palestinian commie?" explored Tom.
"Place all your Tom Swifties here," said Tom stoically.
"Please brew me more coffee," said Tom perkily.
"PLEASE don't let me fall apart," pleaded Tom gloomily.
"Please don't missed" said William Tell's son, appalled (apple'd)
"Please get in the elevator," said Tom uppishly.
"Please pass me the oranges," was Tom's fruitless request.
"Please save the branches of our trees," said Tom limply.
"Please, Christopher," said Tom crisply.
"Pretend we were in the days before railways," Tom coached.
"Promote that demon to the House of Lords," commanded Tom imperiously.
"Put out that cigarette," Tom said breathlessly.
"Quick! Hide all the religious pamphlets!" said Tom distractingly.
"Rod sure is a spoiled little child," said Tom, sparely.
"Rover's so clumsy," Tom said dorkmatically.
"Rowing doesn't hurt my hands," said Tom callously.
"Scale keeps forming inside the kettle," complained Tom,
 recalcitrantly.
"Several people have my cold," said Tom, influencingly
"Shall I frost the cake?" Tom offered icily.
"She even flies her own jet," Tom leered.
"She must be wearing mink," Tom inferred.
"She wore a smoke-coloured dress at dinner," said Tom ingratiatingly.
"She's already married," said Tom mistakenly.
"She's the CEO," Tom said bossily.
"Ships ahoy!" said Tom fleetingly.
"Shoot 'em, but don't trap 'em," Tom said without snares.
"Slip under the eiderdown," said Tom comfortingly.
"Smile for the camera" said Allen Funt, candidly.
"So this is where your ancestors are?" Tom said cryptically.
"So this is your new computer!" said Tom calculatingly.
"So you are reading 'All Quiet On the Western Front,'" Tom remarqued.
"So your wallet was taken in the park at gun point," Tom said smugly.
"So you're in San Francisco Mensa," said Tom homogeneously.
"So, I'm *not* a vampire," Tom reflected.
"Sodomy is sinful?" asked Tom, halfway in Ernest.
"Some animals will eat their own babies!" said Tom literately.
"Someone robbed my general store," Tom said without wares.
"Someone stole my computer terminal," said Tom disconsolately.
"Someone stole my electrolytic capacitor!" Tom charged negatively.
"Someone stole my ept!" Tom screamed ineptly.
"Someone's at the door," Tom chimed. -Rambo & Youngquist
"Sorry that Amin escaped from Uganda," said Tom idiosyncratically.
"South Korea has a lovely capital city," said Tom soulfully.
"Starts you thinking about what it means..." Tom posted quizzically.
"Stop hitting me," Tom expounded.
"Stop that horse!" cried Tom woefully.
"Sure I can climb cliffs!" Tom bluffed.
"Sure, I'll get rid of those jewels for you," said Tom defensively.
"Surrender!" ordered Tom disarmingly.
"Swifties overly modify dialog exessively," Tom said adverbally.
"Take me," I'm yours," she said easily.
"Take plenty of the dark purple solution," Tom offered, managnimously.
"Take that," Lorena said cuttingly.
"Take the lid of this jar," ordered Tom openly.
"Take the prisoner to the dungeon," Tom said condescendingly.
"Take your hand from my blouse!" Thomasina, tittered.
"Tell me folk stories about leprechauns," Tom implored.
"Thanks for not smoking," Tom breathed.
"Thar she blows," Tom wailed.
"That Amazon queen wanted me for only one thing," said Tom studiously.
"That bird's a turkey," Tom gobbled.
"That car you sold me has defective steering!" Tom said,
 straightforwardly.
"That cat doesn't like me," Tom said without purrs.
"That city will NEVER be rebuilt," the prophets babble on.
"That dog's a mongrel," Tom muttered.
"That feels ... so gooo ... OOOHHH," Gawd!" Tom ejaculated
"That gives me a birdie for this hole," Tom chipped in.
"That horse looks like a good bet at 75 to 3," said Tom oddly.
"That illegal turn is going to cost you $20," said the policeman
 finally.
"That insect is female," said Tom gallantly.
"That just doesn't add up," said Tom, nonplussed.
"That may cause my violin strings to snap," was Tom's gut reaction.
"That medium did a bad job," Tom said disspiritedly.
"That mink coat is on wrong side out," Tom inferred.
"That mirror brings back memories," said Tom reflectively.
"That painting sure tasted good," said the goat artfully.
"That smells like a skunk," Tom said instinctively.
"That was a wonderful date," Tom said in Dutch.
"That was fast!" Tom quickly exclaimed.
"That wizard did a bad job," Tom said disenchantedly.
"That young insect is female," said Tom gallantly.
"That's a chain reaction," Tom said atomically.
"That's a common language on micros," said Tom basically.
"That's a lie!" said Tom in falsetto.
"That's a nice electric poodle!" Tom said dogmatically.
"That's a nice Irish Setter," Tom said pointedly.
"That's a very large shark," said Tom superficially.
"That's an ugly hippopotamus," Tom said hypocritically.
"That's definitely a coniferous tree" Tom opined
"That's my final word," he croaked.
"That's my gold mine!" Tom claimed.
"That's no beagle," it's a mongrel," Tom muttered. -Roy Bongartz
"That's not art," Tom said abstractly.
"That's not really Dracula," Tom discounted.
"That's price-fixing!" said Tom caustically.
"That's the last time I'll ever pet a lion," Tom said, offhandedly.
"That's the last time I'll pet a lion," said Tom offhandedly.
"That's the third electric shock I've gotten this week!" Tom said,
 revolted.
"That's the third time my teacher changed my grade," Tom remarked.
"That's where the next character appears said Tom with a cursory
 glance.
"The ... gasp ... gas/air mixture's too rich," Tom choked.
"The angel's music was terrible," Tom harped.
"The baboons are at it again!" was Tom's zoophytic analysis.
"The bank doesn't even want me as a depositor," said Tom
 unaccountably.
"The bulbs blown" said Tom, delightedly
"The censors took all the dirty bits out of my show," said Tom
 deludedly.
"The chicken coop blew up! Tom exploded with egg on his face.
"The CRT is out of order," Tom said, darkly.
"The dam is back to front," said the builder madly.
"The doctor has discharged me," said Tom impatiently.
"The doctors had to remove a bone from my arm," said Tom humorlessly.
"The door's ajar," said Tom openly.
"The eclipse is starting," said Tom darkly.
"The enemy has taken stronghold F," said Tom effortlessly.
"The entire map collection has been stolen!" said Tom xerographically.
"The escaped prisoner is camping out in the woods," said Tom
 contentedly.
"The exit is right there," Tom pointed out.
"The fire is going out," Tom bellowed. -Roy Bongartz
"The General's first name was Ulysses," Tom granted.
"The GOP ideas are too, too, too great!" Newt, Rep.lied.
"The hydroelectric plant's beautiful! said Tom fainting with
 dam praise.
"The insect in William's hand is wearing a yarmulke!"
 said Tom jubilantly.
"The jelly is 50% set," Tom affirmed.
"The kid's a genius!" Tom said Doogmatically.
"The laser is broken," said Tom incoherently.
"The law says the building must go here," Tom cited.
"The lion has its head caught in the skylight," said Tom uproariously.
"The monster in the lake has eaten my cake," said Tom necessarily.
"The optician probably doesn't have my glasses ready," Tom speculated.
"The paper boy wants money," said Tom collectively.
"The performance was equal to the music," said Tom noteworthily.
"The pH of this solution is just 3.5," said Tom half-assedly.
"The plastic surgery failed," Tom's doctor said defacingly.
"The President is here," Tom said officially.
"The price for these lemons is ridiculous!" she said sourly.
"The prisoner escaped by climbing down a rope," said Tom
 condescendingly.
"The prisoners escaping down that ladder" said Tom, condescendingly
"The prisoners set up a corporation," the warden confirmed.
"The prize is attached to the feline's rear,"
 said Tom catastrophically.
"The proof of the pudding is in the eating," said Tom nonjudgmentally.
"The roof is about to collapse," Tom upheld.
"The ship is docked," said Tom importantly.
"The size of those cobs is a-maize-ing! was Tom's corny joke.
"The smog is really bad today," Tom cried breathlessly.
"The Soviet press is useful on hot days," said Tom fantastically.
"The stock market's going up," said Tom bullishly.
"There are no more I/O operations to do today," Tom disclosed.
"There are three, and only three, key points here." Tom delineated
 plainly.
"There goes Pooh, all alone," said Tom, "without Eeyore."
"There is no end to this sequence of digits," said Tom irrationally.
"There is no need for a STOP sign at this corner," the bus driver
 continued.
"There's a fundamental importance of learning the alphabet,"
 Tom ceded.
"There's a term for people like you," Tom sobbed.
"There's an advantage here" said Tom, profoundly
"There's feline flesh all over the road," Tom said categorically.
"There's no bathroom in here!" Tom said uncannily.
"There's not a partridge in the woods," Tom groused.
"There's not enough to go round" said Tom, uselessly
"There's nothing wrong with demons," was Tom's implicit message.
"There's room for one more," Tom admitted.
"There's safety in unexciting gentlemen," said Thomasina, indulgently.
"There's too much vermouth in my martini," Tom said dryly.
"These are my new sunglasses! Tom glared.
"These boxing gloves are too big," said Tom heavy-handedly.
"These genes are dominant," said Tom expressively.
"These jokes turn my stomach," said Tom wretchedly.
"These pants are not short enough," said Thomasina, hotly.
"These pants are too small," squeaked Tom tightly.
"They threw me out of my subdivision," he said distractedly.
"They'll never accuse me of using bad language," he swore.
"They'll want a picture of me at the dinner table," Tom supposed.
"They're bringing me back to life!" Tom said animatedly.
"Things are always happening to me," said Tom incidentally.
"This ain't real turtle soup!" said Tom mockingly.
"This boat leaks," Tom said balefully.
"This brush isn't helping my hair one bit," Tom snarled.
"This Bud's for you," said Tom lightly.
"This bud's for you," said Tom lightly.
"This chicken has no beak," said Tom impeccably.
"This computer display is shocking," said Tom electrically.
"This computer has no tubes to blow out," Tom stated solidly.
"This curry is too spicy," Tom said Hotly!
"This dinner is made from young calves," Tom revealed.
"This dugout is infested," said Tom trenchantly.
"This has been a grave undertaking," said Tom cryptically.
"This is a no smoking zone," Tom butted in.
"This is a really strong drug," Tom concluded.
"This is all from memory," Tom wrote.
"This is an imitation diamond," said Tom stonily.
"This is as vile as the Threepenny Opera," said Tom curtly.
"This is fruitless," Tom said without pears.
"This is her second calf," the farmer revealed.
"This is how he murdered the mystery writer," Tom described.
"This is how to put an imp in a restraining jacket," Tom demonstrated.
"This is meaningful only to a small select group," Tom added
 defusingly.
"This is mutiny!" said Tom bountifully.
"This is no manual shift car," Tom said automatically.
"This is not a black-and-white issue," Tom intoned.
"This is perfect!" said Tom, without errs.
"This is power steering," Tom said automatically.
"This is the Coda," said Tom finally.
"This is the first step towards my thesis," said Tom abstractly.
"This is the object of the sentence," announced Tom.
"This is time travel," she said relatively.
"This isn't H2O, its H2SO4" said Tom acidly
"This isn't real turtle soup," said Tom mockingly.
"This knife is useless" said Tom bluntly
"This meat is hard to chew," Tom beefed jerkily.
"This microfiche goes back where it belongs," said Tom complacently.
"This morning, I've gotta shave," said Tom, bristling.
"This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out.
"This must be Nebraska," Tom stated flatly.
"This must be the high-voltage lead," said Tom crisply.
"This Neanderthal needs something to eat," Tom observed.
"This ocean's calm," Tom said specifically.
"This old pipe is rusty," said Tom, ironically.
"This one's my pigeon," Tom cooed.
"This party is for me?" Tom asked bashfully.
"This porridge is good," said Goldy without bears.
"This rocket came from outer space," Tom said exorbitantly.
"This salad dressing has too much vinegar," said Tom acidly.
"This soap's corrosive," Tom lyed.
"This stew needs more herbs" said Tom sagely
"This tooth extraction could take for ever," said Tom with infinite
 wisdom.
"This will get me into the royal bedroom, said Tom kinkily.
"This, that, these, those, and such," said Tom demonstratively.
"This," that," these," those," and such," said Tom demonstratively.
"Those birds are swallows," Tom gulped.
"Those hookers are putting notices in the personals," Tom advised.
"Those with fancy foods must be careful with knives," said Tom
 delicately.
"To cook well, learn all about spices," Tom said sagely and in
 timely fashion.
"Too bad I can't castle now! said Tom in Czech.
"Too much vermouth in this martini," said Tom, drily.
"Trains charge those going to rock concerts," said Tom with fanfare.
"Travel by motorcycle," said Tom Triumphantly.
"Troops, there's no Christmas show this year," said Tom hopelessly.
"Try changing the layout of this microprocessor," Tom chipped in.
"Try to get back on topic," he said moderately.
"Turn down the treble," Tom intoned.
"Turn off those bright lights!!" Tom said glaringly.
"Turn the record player down," said Tom disquietingly.
"Two, two, two threads in one!" Tom replied.
"Use phenolphthalein," Tom indicated.
"Vote for _______," said Tom elec-tronically.
"Vote for Reagan," said Tom electronically.
"Wanna go camping?" He asked tentatively.
"Watch out for that buzz-saw!" said Tom offhandedly.
"Watch out for that slicing machine," said Tom disarmingly.
"Watch where you point that thing," Tom said carefully.
"Wax the car again." rebuffed Tom.
"We *never* inhaled," Tom and Bill said jointly.
"We all know what comes after 'X'." said Tom, wisely.
"We did not inhale," said Bill and Hillary, jointly.
"We had better keep to the subject," Tom said topically.
"We have achieved weightlessness" offered astronaut Tom lightly.
"We have another flat," Tom said tiredly.
"We lost Ted," Tom noted.
"We lost Theadore," Tom noted.
"We need a 10-gauge needle," Tom hypothesized.
"We need a home run hitter," said Tom, Ruthlessly.
"We use the Geiger-Muller method to check for radiation,"
 Tom countered.
"Welcome to my tomb," Tom said cryptically.
"Welcome to the Annual Meatcutter's Convention! delivered Tom.
"We'll have to operate," Tom's medic said cuttingly.
"Well if it isn't Brooke Shields," Tom babbled.
"Well, don't bring it hither!" Tom yawned.
"Well, I'll be an Enlightened SOB!" Tom said dharmatically.
"Well, I'll be an S.O.B.," said Tom doggedly.
"Well, that tree definitely isn't a conifer," Tom decided.
"Well," I'll be an S.O.B.," said Tom doggedly.
"Well," that tree definitely isn't a conifer," Tom decided.
"Well," to be Frank," I'd have to change my name," Tom surrogated.
"We're not in tune. Are you sure you aren't singing flat?"
 asked Tom sharply.
"We're off to Scotland," said Tom clandestinely.
"We're philatelists," they shouted collectively.
"We've taken over the government," the general cooed.
"What do ants and bees use for cattle?" asked Tom avidly.
"What do you think of the Tibetan ox?" yackety-yakked Tom.
"What happened in 1914?" Tom asked warily.
"What I do best on a camping trip is sleep," said Tom intently.
"What if I can help you to escape from prison? asked
 Tom contemptuously.
"What is that body of water?" Tom pondered.
"What lake did Champlain discover? asked Tom eerily.
"What should I do about this P.S.?" asked Tom submissively.
"What show can 'The Humpty Dumpties' put on? asked Tom exactingly.
"What's a wide-angle lens?" asked Tom obtusely.
"What's that song?" asked Tom tunelessly.
"What's the score in the Wonder-Charles tennis game?
 asked Tom lovingly.
"What's wrong with a few tea leaves?" asked Tom deceivingly.
"What's wrong with sodomy?" Peter asked.
"When exactly did Julius Caesar die? wondered Tom idly.
"When I didn't talk nicely, my mother made me eat soap," said
 Tom zestfully.
"When I swore, my mother made me eat soap," said Tom zestfully.
"When the rain stops we'll break camp," Tom said intently.
"Where are the movie reviews?" asked Tom critically.
"Where did the last piece go?" asked Tom, puzzled.
"Where did you get this meat?" Tom bridled hoarsely. 
"Where did you get those delicious, fresh grapes?" Tom asked divinely.
"Where is my newspaper?" Tom pressed.
"Where's my Winchester .308?" asked Tom as he rifled through the
 closet.
"Where's the cheese?" asked Tom gratingly.
"Where's the sand paper?" Tom asked roughly.
"Which floor?" Tom said liftingly.
"Who ate the last fruit?!" Tom said without pears.
"Who stole my thermal underwear?" the hunter said coldly.
"Who stole the chapter from my book of fables? asked Tom, demoralized.
"Who? What?" asked Tom warily.
"Who's Jim Varney?" Tom asked earnestly.
"Why are so many of these Tom Swifties about insects?" asked the
 tyrant.
"Why are we coasting down the hill?" asked Tom neutrally
"Why are you lying down so close to me?" asked Adam naively.
"Why did my broker get fired," asked Tom as he investigated.
"Why do they burn aromatic substances? asked Tom, justly incensed.
"Why do you bother? I for one couldn't...," said Tom carelessly.
"Why don't we get together this afternoon," she said delightfully.
"Why don't you sit here? Tom suggested in Lapp.
"Why don't you try on this negligee?" asked Tom transparently.
"Why is there a 5-day gnu waiting period," Tom oxed? -John Foster
"Why shouldn't I stir my coffee with a ballpoint pen? Tom bickered.
"Why shouldn't I talk to birds?" asked Tom as he ogled.
"Why use SI units? The old c.g.s. units are my friends,"
 said Tom dynamically.
"Will we ever get out of this airport? asked Tom interminably.




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