Why do we say 'redheaded' but not 'brownheaded' or 'blondeheaded'? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns? We have mileage, yardage and footage. Why don't we have inchage? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one? If the politically correct term for a short person is vertically challenged, Is an overweight person horizontally gifted? Is there fat free food for thought? Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'asteroids'? If people from Poland are called 'Poles', why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes?' If the psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? Can gay homeless prople still come out of the closet? Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? What exactly is 'midair'? Is there some other part of air besides the 'mid' part? If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say? Why is it called 'rush hour' when everyone is moving so slow. How do 'don't walk on the grass' signs get there? Why is it that when a door is open, it's ajar-but when a jar is open, it's not a door? Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays? Do mathematicians find baking as easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841? Did Noah keep the bees in archives? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? If you jogged backward...would you gain weight? Why do 'tug' boats push their barges? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking? Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers? If a bouncer gets drunk, who throws him out? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? Should you drink the water in authentic Mexican restaurants Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer? Why do we always say thunder and lightning when the lightning comes first? Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Is the main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live? Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate? Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse? If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind? In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? Do fish get cramps after eating? Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? What you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp? If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself? Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station? Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go to the bathroom in a handicapped stall? Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"? How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when when they threw a gun at him? Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is? If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it? When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does it wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at the carpeting? If only the good die young then what does that say about senior citizens? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you see okay? How does a brown cow give white milk when it eats green grass Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? Does fuzzy logic tickle? When cannibals eat clowns do they taste funny? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they get back to? If you have sex with a Dutch hooker do they pay half? If you kick a French guy in the stomach does what he says sound like egg? Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have? Does the reverse side also have a reverse side? If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it? How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? Why is "Abbreviation" such a long word? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? Do witches run spell checkers? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor if you can't drink and drive? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there Interstate Highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under airplane seats and not a parachute? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning? If 7-11's are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, Why are there locks on the doors? If a cow laughs really hard does milk come out of its nose? What makes Teflon stick to the pan? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height which would hit the ground first? If you're driving at the speed of light what would happen if you turned on the headlights? Why does anyone bother phoning a Psychic Hotline...If they are really psychic shouldn't they be calling you? Why are there Braille Dots on the keypad of the drive-thru ATM? Why do we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways? Why is it that when you transport something by a car it's called a shipment and when you transport something by a ship, it's called cargo? Why is an Orange orange but a Banana is yellow? Why don't they make the whole plane out of the same material as the indestructable black box has in it? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address you turn down the volume on the radio? Why do they call them apartments when they are all close together? Why do people keep saying it's such a small world... I wouldn't want to paint it. Why is it when you buy a parakeet at the pet store you only get one? When they ship Styrofoam...what do they pack it in? Why do they call them Jumbo Shrimps? Why is chili so hot? If fish spend their entire lives in schools why are they so stupid? Why do they have an expiry date on sour cream? Why do they call it "Tennis"? Shouldn't it be "Twonis" or sometimes "Fournis"? Why do they call a single T.V. a set? Why do irons have a permanent press setting? Why does my AM radio work in the afternoon? If vegetarians eat vegetables then what do humanitarians eat? Why does the word blind have an 'I' in it? Why do free agent baseball players cost so much? Do you have to live in a small country to enjoy cross country skiing? If you break a mirror and get get seven years bad luck, could a good lawyer get you off in five? Why do wiseguy and wiseman have opposite meanings? Why isn't room temperature just whatever the temperature of the room is? How much deeper would the ocean be if there weren't sponges living in it? Why isn't the fattest man in the world a hockey goalie? If GOD dropped acid would he see people? Why are highways built so close to the ground? If olive oil is made from olives what is baby oil made from? If a fire fighter fights fires, what does a freedom fighter fight? How come your nose runs and your feet smell? How come you chop a tree Down and then chop it Up? What's the synonym for Thesaurus. What is the speed of dark? How come a woman can man a workstation but a man can't woman one? Why do they call it rebooting the computer when kicking is not involved? Why do they call them a backyard when most are more than 3 feet long? Why does Life Insurance only pay off if you die? Why do they call them buildings when they are already built? Why do you pay tolls on a Freeway? If Men get Hernias, do Women get Hisnias? Who puts the "Thin Ice" sign out there? If you're a Kleptomaniac, is there something you can take for it? Why don't Dry Beers make you thirsty after drinking them? Why don't most people work on Labour Day? Why does a Rabbit bring Easter Eggs and not a Chicken? Why is it called tourist season if you can't hunt them? Why is a rabbit's foot considered good luck when it doesn't bring much luck to the rabbit? Why do they call them Hamburgers when they are made of Beef? Why do Fat Chance and Slim Chance mean the same thing? Why do they call them a pair of pants when you are really only wearing one? Why don't Sheep shrink when it rains? Why is the President's wife the First Lady and not Eve? Why do women wear one bra but a pair of panties? How much aging time would they save if they made wine out of raisins instead of grapes. Do Cows believe that all Hindus are sacred? If you fart in a baking soda factory can anyone smell it? How young can you be and still die of old age? Do you think the folks on Death Row really hate it when they move the clocks ahead each spring? What do batteries run on? Do most hockey players prefer Ice Beer? Why do they make Ballerina dance on their toes? Why not just hire taller Ballerinas? Why is a 'W' a 'Double-U' and not a 'Double-V'? Why does Common Sense seem so rare? Why do they always call Wednesday 'Hump Day' when most people get it on the weekend? Why do they call it a wake when no one ever wakes up? Why do they call them runways at airports and not flyways? Why are they called 'Hot Water Heaters'? Hot water is already hot and doesn't need heating. Why do some forks have only 3 tines? If a clone kills another clone that came from the same source is it suicide or murder? If dogs sweat with their tongues why do they have armpits? If you throw a cat out the window of a car is it Kitty Litter? How do they get the deer to cross at the yellow road sign? How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipes? When you choke a smurf, what colour do they turn? Do radioactive cats have 18 half lives? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Why do they call the 1 inch candy bars 'Fun Size' when a one foot candy bar would be funner? Can you make a warp engine by mixing pasta and antipasto? Why does day break and never falls and night falls but never breaks? Why is the word self-explanatory in the dictionary? Why is there only one Monopolies Commission? How do bankruptcy lawyers make any money? How did a fool and his money GET together? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why is it when a girl says "you're going too far", it means that you're getting too close? Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one? Why are light switches labeled 'On' & 'Off'? If its on you can see its on. If it's off it's too dark to see. If a ram is a sheep and a donkey an ass, why is a ram in the ass a goose? If Barbie is so popular why do you have to buy her friends? What does God say when he sneezes? If 95% of accidents occur in the home, where do homeless people have most accidents? Do calendars date? When two planes almost collide in mid air, why do they call it a 'near miss' and not a 'near hit'? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themself, is it considered a hostage situation? What do you call a person who hates bigots? If instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure? Is there another word for synonym? Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? Is it possible to be totally partial? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? On a Gay date, who pays? Can you be arrested for breaking the laws of physics? If Con is the opposite of Pro, is Congress the opposite of Progress? What would Geronimo yell if he jumped out of an airplane? Why do they call it a one night stand...who's standing? Why do they say you're head over heels in love? Isn't most things you do head over heels? If a product is labelled Fat Free does that mean you get the fat at no extra charge? If you put water from the Bermuda Triangle in your toilet do have to flush? If you can't judge a book by its cover, why are hardcovers more expensive? If a snail or turtle is out of its shell is it naked or homeless? Why do people ask rhetorical questions? Is it rude to stare at a blind person? If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap? Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? Why do they report power outages on T.V.? Why do people say 'not to mention' just before they mention something? Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs? Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? If the funeral procession is at night, do folk drive with the lights off? If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites? Did Adam and Eve have navels? If a clock ran in the other direction, wouldn't it _still_ be running clockwise? Why do they call the timepiece on ones wrist a "watch"? It doesn't watch anything. Do people who are lousy in bed wear amateur-phylactics? If dolphins are so smart why do they swim near tuna nets? Is one Night Stand the opposite of two Dressers? When a physician examines a prostitute, do they use a horoscope? Do people who are lactose intolerant ever cry over spilled milk? If an Optimist considers a glass half-full and a pessimist considers it half-empty...Does an Optimist mind being called a half-wit? Why do they call them Tellers when they mostly ask questions? Why do people say 'Needless to say' before they say something? Do bibles in cheap motels have only 7 commandments? Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? Why is the seating area of a baseball stadium/hockey rink called the "stands"? Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? How can there be self-help groups? Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? Where are Preparations A through G? If a man says something in the forest and there isn't a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong? Why is the Drive-in outdoors? Why does mold consistantly become a color opposite of its host (i.e. white on dark stuff and dark on white bread). Why does goose "down" fluff up? Why it is still called an elevator, when it is going down? Why do women ride sidesaddle when men would benefit most by doing so? Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like anything. why is a shelter for the mentally unstable called a Sanitorium? If the leader of an aerial acrobatics team flies into the ground do the rest have to crash too? If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box? Why we call moving stairs an escalator. What are the ones going down? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? How do you tell when you've run out of invisible ink? Why isn't 'contraction' a shorter word? If you have some odds and ends on a table and they all fall off except one. What do you have left, an odd or an end? Why is 'shorter' a longer word than 'short'? How do we know 'Dyslexia' is spelled right? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat? Do mattress makers sleep on the job? If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, what is a workstation? Can a snowbank ever be overdrawn? Can you be a closet claustrophobic? Why do people say such and such slept with such and such...who was sleeping? |
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