Song Parodies

Song Parodies


Lie My Way
(to Lenny Kravitz's 'Fly Away')
By Pundit Gainsay

I wish that I could lie
Into the sky
Some votes I'd buy
Just like Bill Clinton lied

Lie anytime I please
Like when I need, some perjury
Up to the Nth degree

Oh, I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah yeah yeah)

I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah yeah yeah)

Promise away the stars
Fat tax refunds or even wars
Because the cash ain't ours
 
Give me some campaign funds
need'em by the tons
Don't give me ones
Only real huge sums
Oh, oh, oh yeah!!

I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah yeah yeah)

I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah yeah yeah)

(spoken)
I've gotta lie my way
Yeah I've gotta get my way

Oh, oh, oh yeah
I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah to you yeah)
Oh yeah

I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah to you yeah)
I gotta lie my way

I want the presidency
I want the presidency
I want the presidency
I want the presidency
Yeah

I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah to you yeah)
Oh I want the presidency

I want the presidency
I want the presidency
I want the presidency
I want the presidency 
Yeah

I want the presidency
I'm gonna lie my way
(Yeah to you yeah)
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah


Doin Time
To the tune of "Closing Time" by Semisonic
lyrics by Shaun Yelle

Doin' Time, sittin in a cellblock, 
 for the illegal things I've done.
Doin' Time, cleaning dirty laundry, 
 and stamping license plates is not fun.
Doin' Time, I've been here for 30 years, 
 and I'll be here for 50 more.
Doin' Time, so what if I shot the guy,
 at the local convenience store.

I make 25 cents everyday.
Get a nickel bonus during May.
I think I am gonna buy some clay, buy some clay.

Doin' Time, sitting through my hearing,
 seeing if I can get on parole.
Doin' Time, at the end they tell me, 
 I have at least 15 years to go.

So I'm inside my cellblock, with some ugly, dumb jock, 
 who likes to play basketball.

Doin' Time, he's only 18 and, he killed 9 people
 in study hall. Yea.

I eat my food off a metal tray.
I swear it tastes just like rotting hay.
I'm mad, so just get out of my way, of my way.

 >Piano solo, then Guitar solo<

Doin' Time, sitting through my hearing, 
seeing if I can get on parole

They say I can't leave here for a while.
They think that I am a pedaphile.
But that really was some guy named Guile, wasn't me.



Monster Hash
by The Toyes (thetoyes@cdtunes.com)
(to the tune of "Monster Mash") 

I was working in the lab late one night
When I heard the gurgle of a waterpipe
So I turned to see my monster in a cloud of smoke
Who said "This shit ain't bad, here, have a toke" 

(We smoked some hash) - We smoked some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - It was his personal stash
(We smoked some hash) - We got completely trashed
(On monster hash) - We smoked some monster hash 

As we partied in the castle with the living dead
Mouths were dry and eyes were red
The ghouls and goblins shrieked and screamed
"Won't somebody please pass the Visine" 

(They smoked some hash) - They smoked some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - From Frankie's personal stash
(We smoked some hash) - And they all were smashed
(On monster hash) - They smoked some monster hash 

The mummy was toking on a bong
Wolfman said "Don't bogart that, pass it along"
The swamp thing was toasted, rolling on the floor
Laughing hysterically and pleading for more 

The scene was rocking as the werewolves moved
To the undead reggae band's dance hall grooves
Meanwhile in the kitchen Frankenstein baked
Some Alice B. Toklas brownies and cakes 

(We ate some hash) - We ate some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - It had the graveyard smashed
(We ate some hash) - And we all got trashed
(On monster hash) - We ate some monster hash 

The party would have gone on 'til we all passed out
But just then we heard a bloodcurdling shout
"Watch out, beware, cover your necks
Dracula's got the munchies, and he's totally wrecked" 

(He smoked some hash) - He smoked some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - He was completely smashed
(He smoked some hash) - That transylvanian's trashed
(On monster hash) - He smoked some monster hash 

Now every night the dead rise up from the grave
To partake in our happening THC rave
For you, the living, this hash was meant, too
When you get to my door just say the Toyes sent you 

(We'll smoke some hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash
(Some monster hash) - And we'll all get trashed
(We'll smoke some hash) - From my personal stash
(Of monster hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash 

mmm - hash gooood
Easy, boy, save some for daddy
mmmm - that shit gooood 



That's Viagra
Sung to the tune of 'That's Amore', 
(with appologies to Dean Martin)

For retirees, where love is lacking, 
Where boy meets girl, here's what they sing:

 It's a real small blue pill
 but it gives such a thrill,
 That's Viagra

 It's a 10 dollar pill
 for which some folks would kill
 that's viagra

Males will sing, ting-a-ting-a-schwing, 
 ting-a-ting-a-schwing,
  and you'll swing Higher Fella
   Hearts will play, tippy-tippy-tay, 
    tippy-tippy-tay, you'll get laid well
     (Lucky fella)

 When a pill in your mouth
 starts the rumblings down south
 that's viagra
 
 When the pill's workin' good
 And your sproutin some wood
 That's viagra

 When you start to neck
 and you're surprisingly erect
 that's Viagra 

It will make it like a board
 And it's too bad I can't afford,
 That's Viagra.

When it drooped to your seat and now looks up to the feat, 
you're in love
When sex was only a dream but now your partners screaming, 
Signore Scuzza me, but you see, when your a retiree, 
that's Viagra


Hey Masturbater
(sung to the tune of the Macarena)


Sitting in my house, and I know that I'm alona,
Feeling kinda horny, gotta jingle on my bona.
Go and grab a Penthouse it's the one with Sharon Stona.
Heeey Masturbater!!

I go a little faster and it's feeling kinda nicea,
Once ain't enough so I have to do it twicea.
If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea.
Heeey Masturbater!!

I use some baby oil or a little Vaselina,
Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet cleana.
Never shake my hand cause you don't know where it's beena.
Heeey Masturbater!!

I do it in the car when I'm driving down the streeta,
One hand on the wheel and the others on my meata.
I can't get out of the car cause I'm sticking to the seata.
Heeey Masturbater!!

Since I was a kid I have been a Masturbater.
Choke the chicken, hum the knob, squeezing the tomatea.
I've looked at Ms. November now I'm gonna decorate her.
Heeey Masturbater!!

Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bakin'
Pounding on the flounder and its mayonnaise I'm amaking.
Spank the frank, wax the carrot, God my hand is aching.
Heeey Masturbater!! 



Barney got Run Over By a Tractor
(To the song "Grandma got ran over by a reindeer")


 (Chorus)
 Barney got run over by a tractor
 Best of all it happened on TV
 All the little children are unhappy
 I am just beside myself with glee
 
 He was singing to the kiddies
 "You Wuv Me and I Wuv You"
 Now he is just a piece of roadkill
 Some furry purple bits of dino-goo.
 
 Chorus
 
 I don't think the children like me
 But though I killed him, it's not wrong
 We're saved from evil propaganda
 That purple, nazi mind-controller's gone
 
 Chorus
 
 My trial date is set for Tuesday
 I won't get off (so I've been told)
 10 million kiddies saw me do it
 And the judge and jury all are six years old


Hey Macarena

Bale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena 
Bale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Ehhh, Macarena!

(Dance to shitty music stupid Americans!
You are so stupid that you think this shitty music is good 
Dance to shitty music stupid Americans
Heeeyyy, stupid Americans!)

Macarena tiene un novio que se llama 
Que se llama de apellido Vitorino
Y en la jura de bandera del muchacho 
Se la dio con dos amigos

(Stupid americans will have sex with a llama 
Why is the llama named Vitronio?
While you're busy your girl will go at it with our friends 
and we'll be friends with them)(note, doesn't translate well)

Que le gusta la movida guerrilera
Macarena suean con el Corte Ingles
Y se compra los mnodelos mas modernos 
Le gustaria vivr on Nueva York

(With much force you bugger gorillas
Stupid Americans buy their clothes at K-Mart 
And they compare their asses with their faces 
We think New York Sucks!)



The Saga of John Wayne Bobbitt
(sung to the tune 'In the Jungle')
by Steve Longlad

A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack

A weenie-whack-a-weenie-whack-a-wheenie-whack,
a weenie-whack-a-weenie-whack-a-wheenie-whack,
a weenie-whack-a-weenie-whack-a-wheenie-whack,

In the village, the quiet village, John Bobbit sleeps tonight,
In the village, the quiet village, Lorrena creeps tonight.
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack

In the bedroom, the quiet bedroom, John Bobbit sleeps tonight,
In the kitchen, the quiet kitchen, Lorena gets the knife.
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack

In the bedroom, Lorena's bedroom, John pissed off his wife tonight,
In the bedroom, Lorena's bedroom, she chopped with all her might.
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack

On the roadway, the village roadway, Lorena speeds tonight,
On the roadway, the village roadway, she tossed his weenie right.
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack

On the roadway, the village roadway, they searched for half the night,
On the roadway, the village roadway, they found his weinie sliced.
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack

Oh please my doctor, please rush my Doctor and make my weinie right.
Oh please my doctor, please rush my Doctor and sew it back on tight.
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack
A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack

A weenie-whack-a-weenie-whack-a-wheenie-whack,
a weenie-whack-a-weenie-whack-a-wheenie-whack,
a weenie-whack-a-weenie-whack-a-wheenie-whack,



We Are the Worms
 
(parody of "We Are The World" by USA For Africa)
by Johnson and Tofte


There comes a time
When the rain begins to fall
And the worms come out of the ground.
There are people walking
Oh, it's time to watch your step
Or your feet will make a squishy sound.

We are the worms
Out on the sidewalk.
We are the ones who make a squishy mess
So watch where you walk.
It's a chance we're taking
Leaving out homes underground
Though it's true we'll get a better tan,
Just you and me.

When we're laying 'round
Keep your eye out on the street.
If you don't look out,
You'll have worms under your feet.
We realize
Oh, that the sun is gonna come
And we'll shrivel up like beef jerky from the heat.

We are the worms
Out on the pavement.
And when we hear a squish, we look around
To see where cousin Dave went.
It's a stance we're taking
'Cause worms are people too
And we sure don't want a better look
At your big shoe.

We are the worms
Out on the sidewalk.
We are the ones who make a squishy mess
So watch where you walk.
It's a chance we're taking
Leaving out homes underground
Though it's true we'll get a better tan,
Just you and me.

Oh, come on now, let me hear you.

We are the worms
Out on the pavement.
And when we hear a squish, we look around
To see where cousin Dave went.
It's a stance we're taking
'Cause worms are people too
And we sure don't want a better look
At your big shoe.



"The Day Bell System Died"
 
1983 by Lauren Weinstein
(To the tune of "American Pie")
(With apologies to Don McLean)

Long, long, time ago,
I can still remember,
When the local calls were "free".
And I knew if I paid my bill,
And never wished them any ill,
That the phone company would let me be...

But Uncle Sam said he knew better,
Split 'em up, for all and ever!
We'll foster competition:
It's good capital-ism!

I can't remember if I cried,
When my phone bill first tripled in size.
But something touched me deep inside,
The day... Bell System... died.

And we were singing...

Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
Ma Bell why did you have to die?

Is your office Step by Step,
Or have you gotten some Crossbar yet?
Everybody used to ask...
Oh, is TSPS coming soon?
IDDD will be a boon!
And, I hope to get a Touch-Tone phone, real soon...

The color phones are really neat,
And direct dialing can't be beat!
My area code is "low":
The prestige way to go!

Oh, they just raised phone booths to a dime!
Well, I suppose it's about time.
I remember how the payphones chimed,
The day... Bell System... died.

And we were singing...

Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
Ma Bell why did you have to die?

Back then we were all at one rate,
Phone installs didn't cause debate,
About who'd put which wire where...
Installers came right out to you,
No "phone stores" with their ballyhoo,
And 411 was free, seemed very fair!

But FCC wanted it seems,
To let others skim long-distance creams,
No matter 'bout the locals,
They're mostly all just yokels!

And so one day it came to pass,
That the great Bell System did collapse,
In rubble now, we all do mass,
The day... Bell System... died.

So bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
Ma Bell why did you have to die?

I drove on out to Murray Hill,
To see Bell Labs, some time to kill,
But the sign there said the Labs were gone.
I went back to my old CO,
Where I'd had my phone lines, years ago,
But it was empty, dark, and ever so forlorn...

No relays pulsed,
No data crooned,
No MF tones did play their tunes,
There wasn't a word spoken,
All carrier paths were broken...

And so that's how it all occurred,
Microwave horns just nests for birds,
Everything became so absurd,
The day... Bell System... died.

So bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
Ma Bell why did you have to die?

We were singing:

Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?


Born To Be Mild
 

parody of "Born To Be Wild" by Steppenwolf, 
written by Al & Jon Iverson 

Get your program running
Head out to the center
Terminals are waiting
For the data that you'll enter 

Everybody says that you're a nerd, but
They should know that you just don't care
Got your Hewlett-Packard on your belt and
Vaseline in your hair 

Like a true mommy's child
You were born, born to be mild
When your batteries die
You're always gonna cry.
Born to be mild 

Pencils in your pocket
Patent leather briefcase
Studying your Fortran
You got pimples on your face 

Gotta do your homework
Forget about the prom dance
They think that you're a big jerk
'Cause you wear a pair of flood pants 

Every day you wake up
Your oscilloscope is humming
Parties tend to break up
When they find out that you're coming 


"Libyan On A Jet Plane"
 
parody of "Leaving On A Jet Plane"  
 by Pinkard & Bowden

There's so many times we've crashed and burned,
Seems like the colonel would finally learn
Our Russian jets don't make good submarines.
We fly out to protect our nation,
And use seat bottoms for floatation.
The water's warm, and we're good swimmers too.

So kiss me and smile for me,
Call my folks in Tripoli,
Tell them that Khadafi made me go.
I'm a Libyan on a jet plane,
I don't know if I'll be back again.
Muammar, I hate to go.

Aircraft carrier J.F.K.
Come to blow our chemical plant away,
But we keep telling them it's just pharmaceutical.

So miss me and pray for me,
Bow down to the East for me,
Kneel and gently kiss my butt good-bye.
I'm a Libyan on a jet plane,
Don't know if I'll be back again.
Libyan on a jet plane,
Don't know if I'll be back again.



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