(to Lenny Kravitz's 'Fly Away') By Pundit Gainsay I wish that I could lie Into the sky Some votes I'd buy Just like Bill Clinton lied Lie anytime I please Like when I need, some perjury Up to the Nth degree Oh, I want the presidency I'm gonna lie my way (Yeah yeah yeah) I want the presidency I'm gonna lie my way (Yeah yeah yeah) Promise away the stars Fat tax refunds or even wars Because the cash ain't ours Give me some campaign funds need'em by the tons Don't give me ones Only real huge sums Oh, oh, oh yeah!! I want the presidency I'm gonna lie my way (Yeah yeah yeah) I want the presidency I'm gonna lie my way (Yeah yeah yeah) (spoken) I've gotta lie my way Yeah I've gotta get my way Oh, oh, oh yeah I want the presidency I'm gonna lie my way (Yeah to you yeah) Oh yeah I want the presidency I'm gonna lie my way (Yeah to you yeah) I gotta lie my way I want the presidency I want the presidency I want the presidency I want the presidency Yeah I want the presidency I'm gonna lie my way (Yeah to you yeah) Oh I want the presidency I want the presidency I want the presidency I want the presidency I want the presidency Yeah I want the presidency I'm gonna lie my way (Yeah to you yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah |
To the tune of "Closing Time" by Semisonic lyrics by Shaun Yelle Doin' Time, sittin in a cellblock, for the illegal things I've done. Doin' Time, cleaning dirty laundry, and stamping license plates is not fun. Doin' Time, I've been here for 30 years, and I'll be here for 50 more. Doin' Time, so what if I shot the guy, at the local convenience store. I make 25 cents everyday. Get a nickel bonus during May. I think I am gonna buy some clay, buy some clay. Doin' Time, sitting through my hearing, seeing if I can get on parole. Doin' Time, at the end they tell me, I have at least 15 years to go. So I'm inside my cellblock, with some ugly, dumb jock, who likes to play basketball. Doin' Time, he's only 18 and, he killed 9 people in study hall. Yea. I eat my food off a metal tray. I swear it tastes just like rotting hay. I'm mad, so just get out of my way, of my way. >Piano solo, then Guitar solo< Doin' Time, sitting through my hearing, seeing if I can get on parole They say I can't leave here for a while. They think that I am a pedaphile. But that really was some guy named Guile, wasn't me. |
by The Toyes ([email protected]) (to the tune of "Monster Mash") I was working in the lab late one night When I heard the gurgle of a waterpipe So I turned to see my monster in a cloud of smoke Who said "This shit ain't bad, here, have a toke" (We smoked some hash) - We smoked some monster hash (Some monster hash) - It was his personal stash (We smoked some hash) - We got completely trashed (On monster hash) - We smoked some monster hash As we partied in the castle with the living dead Mouths were dry and eyes were red The ghouls and goblins shrieked and screamed "Won't somebody please pass the Visine" (They smoked some hash) - They smoked some monster hash (Some monster hash) - From Frankie's personal stash (We smoked some hash) - And they all were smashed (On monster hash) - They smoked some monster hash The mummy was toking on a bong Wolfman said "Don't bogart that, pass it along" The swamp thing was toasted, rolling on the floor Laughing hysterically and pleading for more The scene was rocking as the werewolves moved To the undead reggae band's dance hall grooves Meanwhile in the kitchen Frankenstein baked Some Alice B. Toklas brownies and cakes (We ate some hash) - We ate some monster hash (Some monster hash) - It had the graveyard smashed (We ate some hash) - And we all got trashed (On monster hash) - We ate some monster hash The party would have gone on 'til we all passed out But just then we heard a bloodcurdling shout "Watch out, beware, cover your necks Dracula's got the munchies, and he's totally wrecked" (He smoked some hash) - He smoked some monster hash (Some monster hash) - He was completely smashed (He smoked some hash) - That transylvanian's trashed (On monster hash) - He smoked some monster hash Now every night the dead rise up from the grave To partake in our happening THC rave For you, the living, this hash was meant, too When you get to my door just say the Toyes sent you (We'll smoke some hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash (Some monster hash) - And we'll all get trashed (We'll smoke some hash) - From my personal stash (Of monster hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash mmm - hash gooood Easy, boy, save some for daddy mmmm - that shit gooood |
Sung to the tune of 'That's Amore',
(with appologies to Dean Martin)
For retirees, where love is lacking,
Where boy meets girl, here's what they sing:
It's a real small blue pill
but it gives such a thrill,
That's Viagra
It's a 10 dollar pill
for which some folks would kill
that's viagra
Males will sing, ting-a-ting-a-schwing,
ting-a-ting-a-schwing,
and you'll swing Higher Fella
Hearts will play, tippy-tippy-tay,
tippy-tippy-tay, you'll get laid well
(Lucky fella)
When a pill in your mouth
starts the rumblings down south
that's viagra
When the pill's workin' good
And your sproutin some wood
That's viagra
When you start to neck
and you're surprisingly erect
that's Viagra
It will make it like a board
And it's too bad I can't afford,
That's Viagra.
When it drooped to your seat and now looks up to the feat,
you're in love
When sex was only a dream but now your partners screaming,
Signore Scuzza me, but you see, when your a retiree,
that's Viagra
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(sung to the tune of the Macarena) Sitting in my house, and I know that I'm alona, Feeling kinda horny, gotta jingle on my bona. Go and grab a Penthouse it's the one with Sharon Stona. Heeey Masturbater!! I go a little faster and it's feeling kinda nicea, Once ain't enough so I have to do it twicea. If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea. Heeey Masturbater!! I use some baby oil or a little Vaselina, Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet cleana. Never shake my hand cause you don't know where it's beena. Heeey Masturbater!! I do it in the car when I'm driving down the streeta, One hand on the wheel and the others on my meata. I can't get out of the car cause I'm sticking to the seata. Heeey Masturbater!! Since I was a kid I have been a Masturbater. Choke the chicken, hum the knob, squeezing the tomatea. I've looked at Ms. November now I'm gonna decorate her. Heeey Masturbater!! Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bakin' Pounding on the flounder and its mayonnaise I'm amaking. Spank the frank, wax the carrot, God my hand is aching. Heeey Masturbater!! |
(To the song "Grandma got ran over by a reindeer") (Chorus) Barney got run over by a tractor Best of all it happened on TV All the little children are unhappy I am just beside myself with glee He was singing to the kiddies "You Wuv Me and I Wuv You" Now he is just a piece of roadkill Some furry purple bits of dino-goo. Chorus I don't think the children like me But though I killed him, it's not wrong We're saved from evil propaganda That purple, nazi mind-controller's gone Chorus My trial date is set for Tuesday I won't get off (so I've been told) 10 million kiddies saw me do it And the judge and jury all are six years old |
Bale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena Bale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena Ehhh, Macarena! (Dance to shitty music stupid Americans! You are so stupid that you think this shitty music is good Dance to shitty music stupid Americans Heeeyyy, stupid Americans!) Macarena tiene un novio que se llama Que se llama de apellido Vitorino Y en la jura de bandera del muchacho Se la dio con dos amigos (Stupid americans will have sex with a llama Why is the llama named Vitronio? While you're busy your girl will go at it with our friends and we'll be friends with them)(note, doesn't translate well) Que le gusta la movida guerrilera Macarena suean con el Corte Ingles Y se compra los mnodelos mas modernos Le gustaria vivr on Nueva York (With much force you bugger gorillas Stupid Americans buy their clothes at K-Mart And they compare their asses with their faces We think New York Sucks!) |
(sung to the tune 'In the Jungle') by Steve Longlad A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack A weenie-whack-a-weenie-whack-a-wheenie-whack, a weenie-whack-a-weenie-whack-a-wheenie-whack, a weenie-whack-a-weenie-whack-a-wheenie-whack, In the village, the quiet village, John Bobbit sleeps tonight, In the village, the quiet village, Lorrena creeps tonight. A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack In the bedroom, the quiet bedroom, John Bobbit sleeps tonight, In the kitchen, the quiet kitchen, Lorena gets the knife. A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack In the bedroom, Lorena's bedroom, John pissed off his wife tonight, In the bedroom, Lorena's bedroom, she chopped with all her might. A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack On the roadway, the village roadway, Lorena speeds tonight, On the roadway, the village roadway, she tossed his weenie right. A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack On the roadway, the village roadway, they searched for half the night, On the roadway, the village roadway, they found his weinie sliced. A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack Oh please my doctor, please rush my Doctor and make my weinie right. Oh please my doctor, please rush my Doctor and sew it back on tight. A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie, a weenie whack whack-a-whack A weenie-whack-a-weenie-whack-a-wheenie-whack, a weenie-whack-a-weenie-whack-a-wheenie-whack, a weenie-whack-a-weenie-whack-a-wheenie-whack, |
(parody of "We Are The World" by USA For Africa) by Johnson and Tofte There comes a time When the rain begins to fall And the worms come out of the ground. There are people walking Oh, it's time to watch your step Or your feet will make a squishy sound. We are the worms Out on the sidewalk. We are the ones who make a squishy mess So watch where you walk. It's a chance we're taking Leaving out homes underground Though it's true we'll get a better tan, Just you and me. When we're laying 'round Keep your eye out on the street. If you don't look out, You'll have worms under your feet. We realize Oh, that the sun is gonna come And we'll shrivel up like beef jerky from the heat. We are the worms Out on the pavement. And when we hear a squish, we look around To see where cousin Dave went. It's a stance we're taking 'Cause worms are people too And we sure don't want a better look At your big shoe. We are the worms Out on the sidewalk. We are the ones who make a squishy mess So watch where you walk. It's a chance we're taking Leaving out homes underground Though it's true we'll get a better tan, Just you and me. Oh, come on now, let me hear you. We are the worms Out on the pavement. And when we hear a squish, we look around To see where cousin Dave went. It's a stance we're taking 'Cause worms are people too And we sure don't want a better look At your big shoe. |
1983 by Lauren Weinstein (To the tune of "American Pie") (With apologies to Don McLean) Long, long, time ago, I can still remember, When the local calls were "free". And I knew if I paid my bill, And never wished them any ill, That the phone company would let me be... But Uncle Sam said he knew better, Split 'em up, for all and ever! We'll foster competition: It's good capital-ism! I can't remember if I cried, When my phone bill first tripled in size. But something touched me deep inside, The day... Bell System... died. And we were singing... Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die? We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI, "Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry. Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die? Ma Bell why did you have to die? Is your office Step by Step, Or have you gotten some Crossbar yet? Everybody used to ask... Oh, is TSPS coming soon? IDDD will be a boon! And, I hope to get a Touch-Tone phone, real soon... The color phones are really neat, And direct dialing can't be beat! My area code is "low": The prestige way to go! Oh, they just raised phone booths to a dime! Well, I suppose it's about time. I remember how the payphones chimed, The day... Bell System... died. And we were singing... Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die? We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI, "Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry. Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die? Ma Bell why did you have to die? Back then we were all at one rate, Phone installs didn't cause debate, About who'd put which wire where... Installers came right out to you, No "phone stores" with their ballyhoo, And 411 was free, seemed very fair! But FCC wanted it seems, To let others skim long-distance creams, No matter 'bout the locals, They're mostly all just yokels! And so one day it came to pass, That the great Bell System did collapse, In rubble now, we all do mass, The day... Bell System... died. So bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die? We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI, "Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry. Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die? Ma Bell why did you have to die? I drove on out to Murray Hill, To see Bell Labs, some time to kill, But the sign there said the Labs were gone. I went back to my old CO, Where I'd had my phone lines, years ago, But it was empty, dark, and ever so forlorn... No relays pulsed, No data crooned, No MF tones did play their tunes, There wasn't a word spoken, All carrier paths were broken... And so that's how it all occurred, Microwave horns just nests for birds, Everything became so absurd, The day... Bell System... died. So bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die? We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI, "Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry. Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die? Ma Bell why did you have to die? We were singing: Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die? We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI, "Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry. Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die? |
parody of "Born To Be Wild" by Steppenwolf, written by Al & Jon Iverson Get your program running Head out to the center Terminals are waiting For the data that you'll enter Everybody says that you're a nerd, but They should know that you just don't care Got your Hewlett-Packard on your belt and Vaseline in your hair Like a true mommy's child You were born, born to be mild When your batteries die You're always gonna cry. Born to be mild Pencils in your pocket Patent leather briefcase Studying your Fortran You got pimples on your face Gotta do your homework Forget about the prom dance They think that you're a big jerk 'Cause you wear a pair of flood pants Every day you wake up Your oscilloscope is humming Parties tend to break up When they find out that you're coming |
parody of "Leaving On A Jet Plane" by Pinkard & Bowden There's so many times we've crashed and burned, Seems like the colonel would finally learn Our Russian jets don't make good submarines. We fly out to protect our nation, And use seat bottoms for floatation. The water's warm, and we're good swimmers too. So kiss me and smile for me, Call my folks in Tripoli, Tell them that Khadafi made me go. I'm a Libyan on a jet plane, I don't know if I'll be back again. Muammar, I hate to go. Aircraft carrier J.F.K. Come to blow our chemical plant away, But we keep telling them it's just pharmaceutical. So miss me and pray for me, Bow down to the East for me, Kneel and gently kiss my butt good-bye. I'm a Libyan on a jet plane, Don't know if I'll be back again. Libyan on a jet plane, Don't know if I'll be back again. |
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