Choir Jokes

Choir Jokes

What is the difference between the men's final at Wimbledon 
 and a high school choir performance?
The tennis final has more men.

How does a young man become a member of a high school choir?
On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.

What is the difference between a world war and a high school
 choir performance?
The performance causes more suffering.

Why do high school choirs travel so often?
Keeps assassins guessing.

What is the difference between a high school choir director
 and a chimpanzee?
It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to
 communicate with humans.

How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
Four--one to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out 
from under her.

What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and the average
 All-Pro offensive lineman?
Stage makeup.

What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a
 Wagnerian Tenor?
About 10 pounds.

How is a soubrette different from a sewer rat?
Some people actually like sewer rats.

What's the difference between a soprano and the PLO?
You can negotiate with the PLO.

 The choir soloist was practicing in the church by the open
window.  After an hour or so of singing, she stepped outside 
for a breath of fresh air and noticed the gardener doing some 
weeding in the bed of roses nearby.
  "How did you like my execution?" the soloist asked.
  The gardener replied, "I'm in favor of it."


  The glory of the human voice has never had fuller expression 
than in the career of Florence Foster Jenkins.
  La Jenkins was not apologetically low key in her badness; she 
was defiantly and gloriously dreadful.  No one, before or since, 
has succeeded in liberating themselves quite so completely from 
the shackles of musical notation.  Opera was her medium and she 
squawked heroically through the best known arias with a 
refreshing abandon.
  From her birth in Pennsylvania in 1864 to her debut 40 years 
later, it is fair to say that neither her parents nor her 
husband  gave the slightest encouragement to her musical 
  Then papa left her his fortune and, with this new-found wealth 
and freedom, she launched her assault upon the musical world.
  Her flair for dress design fully equaled her singing gift and, 
in any concert, thrilled audiences were treated to a minimum of 
three costume changes.  One minute she would appear sporting an 
immense pair of wings to render 'Ave Maria.' The next she would 
emerge in the garb of a senorita, with a rose between her teeth 
and a basket full of flowers to unload her Spanish show stopper, 
  In this song she would punctuate each verse by hurling rosebuds 
into the audience.  Once she hurled the basket as well.
  The audience could always tell when she was going to grant an
encore.  She would dispatch her overworked accompanist Cosme 
McMoon out into the auditorium to collect up the flowers so that 
she might repeat her triumph.
  On 26 October 1944, she hired and filled to capacity the Carnegie
Hall in New York for her farewell appearance.  She started 
disappointingly with three correct notes, but her admirers need not 
have feared.  Before long she abandoned pitch, stave, and key and 
was as out of tune as it is possible to be without coming back in 
tune again.

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