Disease Jokes

Disease Jokes

Define: Pile carpeting.
Hair on hemorrhoids.

Did you hear about the dyslexic cult member?
He was a disciple of Santa.

What did the dyslexic devil-worshipper do?
He sold his soul to santa.

and then there is the dyslexic traffic cop who spent Saturday night
writing out I.U.D.s

  An elderly gentleman goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor 
runs a whole bettery of tests for every known ailment that strikes 
the geriatric population.  One week later, the doctor calls the 
patient back and says, "I have some bad news for you, Mr. Jones...  
I'm afraid you have Cancer..."
  Mr. Jones is fairly shocked, and says "Oh my..."
  The doctor continues "and you also seem to have a case of alzheimer's
  Again Mr. Jones is shocked, but he takes it pretty well,
"Alzheimer's disease, you say?  Well jeez, at least I don't 
have cancer..."

What are the best things about Alzheimer's...

 You can hide your own Easter eggs and you are always 
making new friends.

and don't forget make new friends, that reminds me...huh!

did I mention you can make new friends?

 Uh, no. You can make new friends too. And have an interesting
conversation with goldfish

There are never any repeats on the TV!!!!

 One good thing about having alzheimer's is that you get to play
president for 8 years.

  Did you hear the one about the doctor who had two patients named 
Mrs. Jones?   When their tests came back, one had Alzheimers, and 
one had AIDS and he didn't know which had which!   Just then a 
Mr. Jones came to pick up his wife and the Dr. explained this 
problem to him. 
  He exclaimed "but what should I do?"
  The doctor then suggested,  "Drive her a couple of miles out of 
town, put her out of the car, and if she finds her way home, 
DON'T screw her!!"

Q:  What's the best thing about having children with Alzheimers?
A:  You can save a lot of money by giving them the same Christmas
    presents each year.

Q:  How does Alzheimers affect your taste in cuisine?
A:  Well for one thing, Thanksgiving Leftovers don't seem all that bad.

Q:  What's the best thing about Alzheimers, if you're stranded on a
    deserted island?
A:  You'll never get tired of having to live off of bananas and
    coconuts day in and day out.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a swimming pool?
Throw in a load of wash!!!!

Why didn't the epileptics order Coke at the restaurant?
They had shakes.

Bad news:  Your cancer is incurable...Good news:  You now have 
a lifetime supply of everything.

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