Small Town Insults

Small Town Insults


Our town is so small...

 the clinic was called Joe's Hospital and Grill

 long distance calls are delayed when the area code is busy

 the town Lady of the Evening stands under a flashlight

 in order to paint traffic lines, the road had to be widened

 instead of hoses, the Fire Department uses water pistols

 you had to make a reservation to use the parking meter

 during snowstorms, salt was spread using a salad shooter

 the local Motel 6 sleeps six

 during a boxing match, both men have to sit in the same corner

 the class valedictorian had both the highest & lowest averages

 the Mayor was also the Sheriff, Town Council & street sweeper

 we had no porn movie house; once a week someone left the shades up

 the municipal water system's pump was supplied by Water Pik

 before you visited, you could look out a window & see who was home

 there was no town idiot -- everybody had to take turns

 people read the weekly paper to see if the editor got 
 the news correct.
 biggest industry is jury duty.
 largest industry is a stocky Avon lady.

 it is only there four days a week.
 it only has one yellow page.

 it couldn't afford a civic club.

 any person could tear the phone book in half.
 has only one massage parlor--self service.

 it only has one newspaper and people passed it around.
 there is no hospital, just a first-aid kit.

 the sidewalk is a brick!

 the street light is a candle!

 the fire department is a Great Dane!
 the school only has two grades!
 the "Welcome" & "Come Again" signs were on the same post!
 they share a horse with the next town! (one-horse town)
 the town prostitute is still a virgin!
 that the fire department's number is unlisted.
 the main drag is a transvestite.
 the Local PD only has one gun, and 5 bullets for all 3 
 officers to share.

 that up at the high school they use the same car for 
 teaching Drivers Ed. & Sex Ed.

 when I went to the library, the book was out.

 that when I plugged in my electric razor in I blew out 
 all the milk machines in town.

 that the The big downtown renovation project this summer 
 is installing a new screen door at the liquor store.

 you don't use turn signals because everybody knows where 
 you're going.

 you're born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from 
 the local merchants because you're the first baby of the year.

 if you speak to each dog you pass, by name...and he wags his 
 tail at you

 you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.

 the biggest business in town sells farm machinery.

 you write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.

 you missed church on Sunday and the preacher sends you a 
 get-well card!

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