|
|
Like sex and the great outdoors? Then go take a fucking hike!" Why do they have artificial turf at Iowa Stadium? To keep the cheerleaders from grzing. Q. What is the Illinois state flower? A. mildew Q. Why don't the Aggies have Astroturf on their football field? A. Because the homecoming queen wouldn't have a place to graze. You remind me of a Happy Meal, Small, Greasy, and Cheap. I knew a girl that was so ugly when she walked into the room.. even the mice jumped up on chairs and when I took her to the beach.. all the guys asked me what I used for bait. I was talking with a friend when this girl walked by and I said, "go for it man!" He replied, "Shit, I wouldn't take that bitch to a rock throwing contest!" Why are fat girls so much fun at country-western bars? You can get 'em drunk and play the washboard on her chins. How can you spot a really fat woman? 1) She can dance cheek to cheek by herself. 2) After walking into a restaurant wearing cords, they make her sit in the smoking section. 3) She rides so close to the ground, every time she farts, she blow dirt into her shoes. Your family tree is a wreath. Your family tree doesn't fork. What's a BYU coed's favorite exercise? Jogging to the refrigerator. What do you give a hungry BYU coed? Anything she wants. Did you hear about the driver who swerved to avoid hitting a BYU coed? He ran out of gas. How do you get a BYU coed into an elevator? Grease her hips and throw a Twinkie in the elevator. What's prairie dog? A BYU coed from Kansas. What's the difference between a BYU coed and a freezer? About five degrees. Why is a freezer better? You can defrost it. Never criticize a BYU coed's figure. She might hold it against you. What's the difference between a BYU coed and a police car? It takes two police cars to create a roadblock. Did you hear about the truckload of pigs that got loose on the BYU campus? They had to check I.D.s to reload the truck. What's the difference between a BYU coed and a refrigerator? The coed can hold more food. Why did they have to enlarge BYU's stadium? So more coeds could sit in the stands. A BYU coed went to the health center. "I have a cold in my head," she told the nurse. "Well, that's better than nothing," the nurse replied. I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet. When you get run over by a car it shouldn't be listed under accidents. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. I admire you because I've never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat. You're acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. Ever since I saw you in your family I've wanted to cut it down. You were born because your Mother didn't believe in Abortion. Now she believes in infanticide. No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be. Your's was an unnatural birth; You came from a human. You were the answer to your parents prayers. They prayed that the world would be made to suffer and then you were born. You're a habit I'd like to kick, with both feet. I hear the only place you ever get invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of you company but it only gives me displeasure. You've never been outspoken. No one has ever been able to. At your speed you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny. Don't you have a terribly empty feeling? In your skull? You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts; It's my finer ones that tell me to kill you. It's your life, but I wish you'd let us have it. I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. MAN ALIVE! But I wish you weren't. I believe in respect for the dead, in fact I could only respect you if you were dead. I admire you because I've never had the courage it takes to be a thief and a cheat. You have a face only a Mother could love, and she hates it! You never strike out blindly, You fail in the light. That boy's about as sharp as the leading edge of a BB. If I had a brother like you, I'd put myself up for adoption. You remind me of Opium; a slow working dope. I would love to beat you up but I have a problem with cruelty to animals. I guess you prove that even Gods make mistakes sometimes. When God was handing out brains you must have been holding the door. If my dog had a face like yours I'd shave it's ass and make it walk backwards. WOW! You're a legend in your own mind. You're half a genius...an I.Q. of 75 See Ya, Wouldn't want to be Ya! Nice face...Want a gun There's two things I really hate about you. Your face. When you were born the doctor slapped your Mother. You're so dull, you can't even cut a fart. You're so weak you couldn't pull a greasy stick out of a dog's ass. |
|