Height Jokes

Height Jokes


Yo Momma's so short she poses for trophies!

Yo Momma's so short you can see her feet on her 
drivers licence!

Yo Momma's so short she has to use a ladder to pick 
up a dime.

Yo Momma's so short she can play handball on the curb.

Yo Momma's so short she does backflips under the bed.

Yo Momma's so small that she doesn't have an ass,
just a spinal cord with an anus on it.

Yo Momma's so short she can bungee-jump off a curb!

Yo Mama's so small she can sit on a dime and swing 
her legs.

Yo Mama's so short she can walk under the bed with 
high heels on.

Your Mom's so short, she has to cuff her panties!
Yo Momma's so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her 
head on the moon.

Yo Momma's so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus 
in the mouth.

Yo Momma's so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her 
head in Florida.

Your mom is so tall Jack climbed up her instead of the beanstalk.


1. People ask if you play basketball (when you hate it).
2. People ask you how tall you are.
3. People tell you that you are tall (as if you didn't 
   already know).
4. Shopping for clothes (especially shoes).
5. Mirrors, I have not found a mirror that I don't have 
   to duck for.
6. Showers, it sucks having to duck to wash your hair.
7. Baths, but does anyone fit into those things?
8. Shop signs, they are just too low and hard.
9. Fans..... Ouch.
10. Lights, Ouch.
11. Beds, head over one end and feet over the other.
12. Sleeping bags, no way in hell you can stretch out.
13. Sit down arcade games, just don't fit.
14. Sit down rides at shows (roller coasters), just 
    don't fit.
15. Cinema seats, there is no room to stretch your legs.
16. You always intimidate people with your height.
17. You make people feel short around you.
18. Cars, god, it is hard to find a good car I can fit into.
19. People who say that they would like to be tall.
20. People who say:  "You could see well in a crowd."
21. Having to crouch to use public phones.
22. Having to crouch to use ATMs.
23. Having to crouch in public toilets so you don't see over 
    the cubical.
24. Motel Beds.
25. Blankets.
26. One size fits all socks.
27. Morons who love to hear themselves talk say: "Is it 
    raining up there?"
28. Have to buy XX Large shirts for the sleeves, and then 
    deal w/ the extra material around the waist.

  By Bill Hall, Lewiston, Idaho, Tribune, February 23, 1990

  This giant woman I know says you can tell how many short 
people there are on any residential block by strolling down 
the sidewalk. If you're as tall as she is and you keep 
getting whipped in the face by branches, you know there 
are a lot of short people on that block.  Maybe some people 
enjoy getting whipped in the face but my large friend isn't 
one of them.  She thinks short people are rude. But she's 
wrong.  Rude is deliberate.  These people normal people my 
size aren't rude.  But I guess we are thoughtless. And vain.
It's vain to trim the trees on your street up to where they're 
above the heads of people your size but no higher.  You never 
stop to think that other people are taller than you are. You 
only notice such things if you're tall and always getting 
whipped in the face. A giant man I work with tells me the 
low-limb problem is so prevalent that he normally walks in
the street rather than on the sidewalk while strolling 
through a residential neighborhood with his short wife. And 
all these years I just thought he was being a gentleman and 
walking on the street side, the way young men were once 
taught before women got cranky and developed an interest in 
becoming actual people. I always thought chivalrous gentlemen
had been taught throughout history to walk next to the street 
so big trucks would splatter muddy water on them and not on 
their ladies' finery.  But I guess that's historically 
inaccurate.  I have since read that it goes back to a time 
before sewers when second floors used to overhang the street 
in some towns and people were always tossing unpleasant 
substances out the window.  The woman was given the shielded 
position beneath the overhang. But women were a lot more 
delicate then. Today, older men still walk on the outside 
but it is so we can keep a modern woman between us and the 
muggers in the alleys. And if the woman is on the inside, 
the limbs on trees in the yards of short people are more 
likely to whip her in the face. In fact, if you are an 
average height, you can tell who the really short people 
are.  The limbs they can't reach will whip practically 
everybody in the face.  That's why people tend to walk 
way out in the street when they pass the home of a short 
person.  It isn't because they hate short people though 
they may learn to if short people don't start doing a 
better job on their tree limbs. But the fact most tree 
limbs are too short for our taller friends thanks to our 
thoughtlessness proves once again how little normal people 
know of the heartbreaking world of people over 5-foot-10.
 I knew they had trouble with beds.  You place a 
6-foot-6-inch person in a 6-foot bed year after year 
and pretty soon you have a person whose feet lean backward.  
That must hurt. But I never dreamed they were getting it at
the other end as well.  However, I should have guessed 
because so many of my giant friends act like people who get 
hit in the head a lot. On the other hand, in fairness to 
people the correct height, I have encountered the reverse 
situation in my life.  We had a giant carpenter install a 
pot rack on the ceiling of our kitchen.  We came home and 
found he had installed it so high that I could barely reach 
the pots and my wife couldn't reach them at all. I asked 
him why he had installed it so high. He said he had first 
installed it the way I asked but the pots kept hitting him 
in the head so he moved it up. I told him I didn't want him 
cooking in our kitchen anyway and made him lower it.  So it 
isn't all a one-way street, my friends.  Oh, no.  The fact 
is, giants have been hurting short people for years. You'll 
find reports on it in most of the fairy tales.

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