April Fool's Pranks

April Fool's Pranks



  It is our opinion that a good practical joke shows ingenuity
and the victim suffers nothing more than mild embarassment.
  It is also our opinion that a well executed prank doesn't
have to wait for April First to roll around.
  The following is a list of practical jokes folks on the Internet
have admitted to. Yuks'R'Us! takes no responsibility for any pinhead
who tries to execute some of the more cruel pranks listed here.
  This list is for reading entertainment only.  If you are a pinhead
please leave this site at once for the good of humans everywhere. 
Everyone else...Enjoy!



  One joke that we did in residence was the Chinese Fire Drill, 
I don't quite know why it is called that. Anyway..
  The victim is on the pot in the dorm washroom. Everyone grabs a 
bucket (we used the waste baskets from our rooms) and fills the 
buckets with water. Take a paper bag and set it on fire, toss it 
under the door into the stall. Yell fire as everyone tosses the 
water into the stall. Needless to say the fire as well as the 
victim get very wet.
  This one fellow in the house was hit a number of times and took 
to relieving himself in other locals. We followed him a couple of 
times and nailed him in many parts of the residence.
  Later of course we conspired with our victim to get back at the
original instigator of the drill. The guy in the stall had a bucket 
of water, and when the the instigator tossed the bag in we all hit 
him. 

*********

  It is common for draftsmen to sprinkle SCUMEX (powdered rubber
eraser) on tracings prior to doing any drawing on it. This reduces
smearing of the pencil marks and such and results in a cleaner
tracing.
  At a former employers we had replaced the Scumex at one draftsmans
desk with dried parmesian cheese. It looked about the same. It was
extremely interesting watching him draw for a while and then begin
to smell the paper. Took the poor dude almost 10 minutes to guess
that he had been gigged!

*********

  I just pulled one on somebody, I slipped some of those anti-
shoplifting strips into the lining of the victim's favorite
jacket.  I was set to pull another one, but didn't get the chance
to cut out a silhouette of a gun from metal and hide it in a
piece of carry-on luggage.

*********

  Two teachers at my high school started a practical joke war
that culminated in a junk mail war of huge proportions. They
finally called a truce and got it cleared up and the mail stopped,
EXCEPT for the military mail that one had signed the other one up
for.  He wrote (honestly) that he had graduated from a fine college
and was interested in the Marines, Air Force, etc. etc.  
  When I left, about two years after this, he was still getting 
PHONE CALLS from 2-4 times a month.... they were VERY persistant 
even over he (loud) objections that he was 45 and not interested 
in a career change...

*********

  New secretary (second day on the job) answers telephone as is told 
in official tones: "This is the phone company.  We are testing a new
circuit wiring scheme in your offices.  Please keep everyone off the
phones for the next 10 minutes.  We will be verifying the correct 
wiring of your system by passing HOT STEAM through the wires.  
Instruct your employees to place their phones on the floor, or, 
better yet, wrap them in towels to avoid scalding themselves.  We 
will advise you when the tests are complete *click*"  After momentary
panic, the secretary begins a frenzied "Paul Revere" routine, running
from desk to desk while glancing frequently at her watch.  Just as 
the 10 minutes are about up, she bursts into her boss's office (while
he is in the midst of an important long-distance call) and, screaming,
grabs the receiver from his hand and flings the whole phone under his 
desk...

*********

  Tell someone you can pin a glass of water to the wall, a real 
glass, not a paper cup, using an ordinary straight pin.  Naturally 
they won't believe, so you set out to prove it. Get a glass of water
and a pin.  Hold the glass up to the wall and start to pin it up.  
And then drop the pin. You've got the glass in position just right, 
so you ask your victim real nice to get the pin for you.  When they 
bend down to pick it up, dump the water on their head.
  This works especially well when there's a crowd of people watching.
It can also be very dangerous for the joker, so be careful if you 
try it.

*********

  one time in my undergrad days, it was snowing like mad out. 
Someone decided it was time a make a snowball. Then someone else 
suggested that we should put this snowball in this one guy's room.
Nobody liked this guy-- so when the word got around, half the 
people in our dorm section came out and help! we got this sucker 
so BIG that it must be at least 4 feet in diameter. it took about 
6 person to haul the darn thing up 3 flights of stairs. we got the
snowball into this guy's room while he was out, turn off the heat 
in the room and left all the windows open, so the snowball wouldn't 
melt too fast. well... the turkey came back 3 hourslater and found 
a HUGE snowball sitting in the middle of his room, and started 
melting! I still have the picture of the snowball. (if you really 
wonder how big the snowball is, just imagine a snowball the size 
of a normal dinning room chair!)

*********

  This reminds me of a similar stunt we used to enjoy at the dining 
hall in my undergrad days.  The food service used opaque plastic salt 
and pepper shakers with pop-off tops that could be pried off with a 
knife blade if you were persistent enough.
  PREPARATION (in a restroom nearby):  (1) Empty salt ( or pepper) 
from a previously 'acquired' container and fill about 1/3 full with
concentrated lemon juice.  (2) Place a thin tissue across the opening,
poke it down a bit to form a depression, and fill the depression with
about a teaspoon of baking soda.  (3)  Cover (from the inside) the
holes of the top with tape of the appropriate color.  (4) Replace top
on container and trim visible tissue from around the top.
  Carry the device to dining hall (upright and as stable as is
possible...for your own sake).
  After discretely placing the shaker on your table (only place it 
near to you... see caveat #1 below), observe the next person to use 
the salt (pepper).  (S)He will shake lightly at first, then harder 
as nothing comes out.  Due to the breakdown of the tissue and the 
pressure resulting from the classic acid/base reaction, the top will 
pop off (quite spectacularly) amidst a shower of foam.  Your victim 
(as will as everyone around) should have quite a reaction, since one
does not usually observe this type of behavior in a salt (pepper) 
shaker!
  CAVEATS: 1.  The top will come off with some force.  If the holes 
are sealed well, this will happen on about the second or third shake.
Once, though, due to poor sealing, it took about 5 seconds, during
which time our victim started looking at the shaker to examine the
"foamy stuff coming out" of the holes...  we quickly grabbed the 
shaker from her to direct the top towards the ceiling before it went 
off. So, watch carefully!
  2.  The "foam shower" (lemon juice & soda) may ruin you victim 
meal...be prepared to pop for another one.
  3.  Don't do this if your victim or anyone near ground zero is 
dressed up (this joke will flop at board meetings and the like).

*********

  This joke has been done 50 years ago by my father-in-law.
  First, a little background:
  He lived in a small village, north-west of Quebec City along the 
St-Laurence river. In those days, toilets were located outside the 
house in what we call in good ol' french canadian 'becosse', from 
'back house' I think. These are a little wood shack with no floor 
over a hole in the ground where you...You can guess.
  Now, for the joke:
  He and a friend were thrown out of a party by the doorman.
  When it was really dark,, the doorman went to investigate what 
was knocking at the window. They had suspended a rock to the window
frame so it hung right it the middle and tied another string to the 
rock and hid behind the 'becosse' where they pulled that second 
string to make the rock knock in the window. That's an old trick. 
The doorman wouldn't fall for that one. So he followed the second 
string in the dark and soon concluded that they were hidding behind 
the 'becosse'.
  He ran toward the merely visible wood structure...
  But my father-in-law and his friend had taken care of moving the
shack six feet...Boy he fell in the sh*t !!

*********

  This one hasn't come up despite the presence of UCLA on the net.  
I'm led to the sad conclusion that the tradition has died.
  In the mid '70s, just before it was overrun by fanatic Dungeons &
Dragons (tm) players, the UCLA Computer Club was host to a long 
series of "glitter traps."  Example: joke subject sits at a desk, 
pulls out a drawer.  A string runs from the back of the drawer, up 
the wall, into the false ceiling, over to a spot directly over the 
subject's head, where it triggers the trap: a mousetrap whose action 
snaps a card away from its position covering a funnel, releasing a 
handful of glitter, which flows down the funnel, through its spout, 
through a hole in the ceiling acoustic tile, onto the subject.  It 
was wonderful to watch: a muffled snapping noise, a quiet "chuff," 
and the slow, glittery descent of a cloud of brightly colored dust, 
to settle over the head and shoulders of a club member who by now 
has assumed an expression of appreciative resignation.
  Another, more short-lived ploy was to suspend a wooden horseshoe 
by a string from the ceiling in the corridor, such that the horseshoe
dangles a couple of inches above the top of an upright broom.  Most
conventional brooms will stand on their straws with a little coaxing.
We attached a sign labeling the horseshow "wood magnet."  Quite a 
few people took it at face value.

*********

  Another Cow joke I attribute to my 'Ol chemestry prof was the 
placement of a cow onto the roof.  I would presume a fairly storng 
roof, but once up there it would be hard to hide the fact to the 
cow that any direction would be down.

*********

  I was once in a nice family-style restaurant when I observed some 
kids supergluing the dishes to the table.  They also attached the
silverware, napkins, salt, pepper, etc.  If it wasn't already nailed
down, it was now.  They stayed long enough to let the glue set, and 
then paid and left.  They watched as the poor busboy tried to get the
stuff off of the table.


  Also funny is supergluing a quarter to the sidewalk.  I know its 
old, but in the city, with the diverse types of people around, it 
gets really amusing.  I watched this old lady whack at it with her 
cane for about 10 min. cursing......

*********

  A few months ago I saw a newspaper clipping which told of a 
newspaper in Illinois (I think...) which ran a story warning 
consumers that, on such-and-such day, Illinois Bell would be 
"blowing the dust out of the phone lines" and that all phone 
owners should cover the earpiece of their phones with a bag 
to catch the dust. 
  Bell made them print a retraction, after receiving numerous 
calls asking what sort of bag to use...
 
*********

  When I was in college our RA told us of a good one that 
(supposedly) some friends had pulled a couple of years earlier.
These two guys made up a concoction of all kinds of left overs, 
semi-pureed it in a blender, and filled a hot water bottle with 
it.  One of them took the hot water bottle, taped it to his 
stomach inside of his shirt and put a short piece of hose into 
the top so that it came up to the front of his shirt collar, but 
not visible.  They both went to a local pub and sat at the bar, 
acting already slightly intoxicated.  After having a couple of 
beers the guy with the hot water bottle says that he is feeling 
sick a couple of times and "barfs" VERY loudly all over the bar 
to attract attention. Naturally this causes the patrons to move 
away from him, all except his buddy, who calmy pulls a fork out 
of his coat pocket and begins EATING the stuff. ;-)  I don't 
know how true it is, but I'd love to have been there watching 
faces if it was...

*********

I can't resist a few:

1. Once you have stolen a dormmate's room keys, the room is yours to
plunder.  As a variation, steal the dorm keys but reverse the lock
(so the keyhole faces INTO the room); we had a mechanical engineer
who got this down to about 20 seconds.  Then loudly announce to 
the victim you own the keys, but "let" them win the race back to 
their room.  PRESTO!  Locked inside their own room (with no keys).
If you've fixed the phone to continually ring, they get very pliable
after about 10 minutes.

2. We connected our secretary's electric typewriter to a variac (can
vary the line voltage).  At about 40-50 volts (out of the 110) the 
little ball makes three or four jerky attempts before finally 
striking a faint imprint.  Fairly pathetic looking, actually.

3. Reverse the horizontal yoke leads on terminals (so the text comes
out backwards from right to left).  This works best on a software
team who thinks they have just released the firmware for screen
drivers.  Besides, hardware people figure it out too quickly.

  And the standard saran wrap across women's toilets, Karo syrup, 
flour in the shower, water-filled surgical tubing jammed in a 
drawer...ah, for the good old days!!

*********

  One night when you have a few friends around, take turns calling 
the same phone number, a really obnoxious acquaintance that won't
recognize your voices is always a good choice.  When the person
answers, try to leave a message for John Smith (or any name that
sounds real). Insist that you have the right number and even read
their number to them. Have a bit of fun here, and stretch this on 
as long as possible.  Repeat several times, once or twice an hour. 
Let everybody have a turn at calling. Just as the party is breaking 
up, call one last time.  Tell the poor soul answering the phone that 
you are John Smith, and ask "Are there any messages for me?"  
This is sure to get a groan.

*********

  Here's one that my roommate and myself did to a residence buddy. 
One morning (early) we taped together a bunch of sheets of newspaper 
to cover the victims doorframe. Then taped this big sheet over the 
doorframe which left a gap of about two or three inches between the 
sheet and the door. Then we filled the gap with paper balls right to 
the top of the doorway. When he opened the door he was showered with 
a barrage of paper balls (makes a nice mess too!) Of course, the door
has to swing in for this to work!

  My roommate was (and is) rather inventive and can be quite nasty. 
He buttered all of the toilet seats in our wing of the residence 
(fortunately told me first). He also buttered doorknobs at one point.
We wrapped celophane over the toilet bowl then replaced the seat: 
this one can be really messy!

  Try this: hang a shower curtain out a window. When the person below 
reaches out and pulls it in, pour a bucket of water onto the shower 
curtain. Listen to hear the results. Requires a nosy neighbor below 
you.

  Six friends of mine and myself tried a less complicated version 
of the classic dismantling of a car and putting it back together 
somewhere strange. We lifted a friends car that was parked between 
two other cars and turned it so that the front and back end were 
facing the neighboring cars. This posed quite a problem for our 
friend when he decided to go home. Requires either a small car or 
a lot of very strong people! :-) I take no responsibility for any 
back injuries that result from this. Of course I take no 
responsibility for any of my actions. :-)


  There are, of course, some fairly standard pranks that are pulled 
in residence. Typically, people are shafted on their birthday which 
is therefore a hazardous date to reveal. Total demolition of a room 
is quite common, but lacks any real humor. A common shaft is to 
remove everything from the victims room and set it up somewhere 
else exactly as it was. The best examples I saw of this were: a 
room moved to the roof of a science building, a room moved to the 
front courtyard of the residence (really funny when it started to 
snow!) and a room moved to the dining hall.


  When I was younger, I had a practical joke genius for a working 
companion. We both worked in the same computer store for a while. 
He left and became manager of another store. I remember receiving 
an envelope with his firms return address on it. Inside was a very 
silly brochure. I said aloud "There has to be something else in 
this envelope". So I looked and of course there was a sheet of 
paper. It read "No there is nothing else in this envelope!" I could 
never get him back for anything that he pulled but he was an 
inspiration. The last practical joke that I will relate was one 
that he taught me and it requires a bit of time to prepare. First 
you need: iodine crystals and some amonium hydroxide. Mix the two 
together and a brown sludge will form. Drain off the excess liquid 
and let the sludge dry. The result? Snap powder, a pressure sensitive
explosive. Just sprinkle this on the floor and watch people's 
reactions. Its quite amusing. 

*********

  I have lived in several different houses with a bunch of guys. 
Needless to say things got pretty rowdy sometimes and many were 
victims of some pretty funny jokes.  One of the favorites as I 
recall (and still is) is to go into the bathroom while the victim 
is taking a shower, and pour a bucket of extreeeemmmlly cold water 
on them over the top of the shower curtain.  This is quite a 
shocking experience, and if you are fast enough you can get away 
before the victim finds out you did it.

  I remember one guy I lived with getting this all the time. One 
time he got sick of putting up with it and jumped out of the shower 
into the hall squirting shampoo at everyone in sight.  The next time 
this happened the guys were ready with a camera to take pictures of 
him as he ran out of the bathroom.  These pictures were later shown 
at his bachelor party.

*********

1)  Got a neighbor that's a real pain in the ass?  Do they have a
lawn? Do they have a garden that's accessible?  Yes to all the
above? Great!  Go out and get yourself some grass-killer and fill
the suckers hose with the stuff.  Then sit back and wait for them
water their lawn!  Nuff said?

2)  Does the person that you want to get even with drink red wine?  
If so, have I got one for you!  Get yourself some Neutral Red, a 
water soluble, crystalline, red dye.  Mix some into the persons 
wine and wait for them to take a leak.  (Nuetral Red comes out as 
red as it goes in, and people have a tendancy to get really nervous 
when they start pissing what they think is blood!

3)  (I'm surprised nobody mentioned this one yet.)  Go to a pet 
shop and buy a fancy looking pet collar and leash.  Then, the next 
time you see a dead animal in the road, attach the leash and collar 
setup to its neck.  Attach the whole thing to revengees rear bumper, 
making sure to toss dead animal under the car so it won't be seen.  
When revengee drives away, chances are he/she will be stopped by 
either a cop or a member of some animal lovers group for draggin 
some poor defenseless pet down the road.  Either way, they are 
gonna have some awful quick explaining to do!

4)  Last, but certainly not least, is a great stink bomb.  This 
one takes a bit of time for preparation, so it's not too good for 
spontaneous revenge.  (But it's worth the time!)  Get a quart jar 
with a rubber seal. (Mason jars work quite well.)  Pour about 1/4 
to 1/2 inch of crystal Drano along with about an inch or so of warm 
water into the jar.  Place the lid on the jar and allow the mixture 
to sit in a warm place for about an hour.  Take the lid off and add 
six egg whites, (no yokes).  Add a quarter cup of Methylene Blue, 
then fill the jar to within an inch of the top with water.  Seal 
the jar tightly and allow to sit for four to six weeks.
  (I warned you it takes a while!)  When the 'bomb' is ready to use, 
you can either throw it like a molitov(sp?) cocktail, or shake it 
up and pour the contents out, making damn sure you don't get any 
on yourself. The results have to be seen, or is that smelled, to 
be believed!

*********

  Is everyone out in net land familiar with Sensormatic?  They are 
the company that make the large plastic clips that set off alarms 
when you exit a department store.  I used to work for a department 
store and the is what we did.
  Open up the clip and remove the shiny piece of paper.  It is about 
an inch long and about half an inch wide.  This is the "thingy" 
(that is the technical word for it) that sets off the alarm.  This 
"thingy" is easy to insert into a pen case, lining of a jacket...
  We did this to a co worker and needless to say, he had problems 
wearing a particular jacket to work.

*********

  We have various local spots where the teenagers park, cruise, 
hold drag races, drink beer etc.  We happen to own a white 1983 
Dodge Diplomat, the exact kind of car used by the State Patrol 
around here as well as many law enforcement agencies nationwide.  
(Actually our car WAS a state patrol car, but that's another story).
Anyway, my brother in law, who is a cruiser, would occasionally 
borrow this car and drive it down to the cruising spots.  Needless 
to say, when they saw him coming there was brief but furious 
activity.  He finally had to stop doing this because it made 
his friends so mad.
  People hate to pass us on the freeway too.  It is not unusual 
to see some Camaro or Porche come zipping along through traffic 
until he is about 2 car lengths behind us, then decelerate to a 
perfect 55.00 miles per hour.  It takes him about 10 seconds to 
look us over, decide we aren't in uniform, notice that we don't 
have state license plates, and make up his mind.  He will then 
typiclaly test how fast his car will accelerate to about 90 mph.

*********

  They had a 'witchy' old lady next door that was constantly 
complaining about everything and everyone in the neighborhood.  
After one really good round about kids and pets messing up her 
spotless front yard, my buddies planned what turned out to be a 
better joke than they originally thought. Juvenile as we all were, 
they planned to write some dirty words in her meticulously-groomed 
front lawn with some kind of powder that would stand out. The only 
thing they could find was some Ortho Super-Gro Lawn Food (white 
powdery stuff).  They wrote the message in the dead of night, and
next morning it was bold and white for the world to see. The 
'kicker' came after.  She came out, saw the graffiti, and 
immediately grabbed a hose and WATERED IT OFF!
  To this day, those sections of grass are just a little bit 
greener than everything around them, and the words can STILL 
be read!

********

  In a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of 
coordination you would like him to try with you.  Find a door 
with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when 
the door is open.  (You know, over by the hinges; across the 
width of the door from the doorknob...)  You need an egg (NOT 
hard-boiled), and a wood floor (you don't want the egg cracking 
on carpeting, do you??).  Now, have your victim get on the 
opposite side of the door from you, and put 2 fingers through 
the door.  Hand him the egg, in those two fingers.  Working 
with him, trade the egg back and forth a couple of times, 
moving UP the door frame.  After you have his confidence, leave.  
He will be trapped there, holding this egg by two fingers through
the door.  If he lets go and nobody takes the egg, it will crash 
to the floor.  Best to do in the person's own room.

*********

A few years ago some members of the infamous Dartmouth Outing Club 
pushed an occupied one-seat outhouse off its foundations, onto its 
door.  The victim tried in vain for a  few minutes to roll the  
entire building onto a different side, but soon gave up, as it 
was too heavy.  She then was forced to climb out through the seat, 
and over the pit near the bottom (now side) of the outhouse.
  The followup  to this episode  was that some `friends' seized 
me in the middle of the night and tied my feet in a noose suspended 
in a tree.   But that's another story.

*********

  This practical joke is hearsay.  A fellow student some years ago
related the following.  Apparently another student was a bit of
a braggar.  His favourite topic was his car, and one sub-topic
was the terrific gas milage (pre-metric) it got.
  So it began one evening.  Fill up a one-gallon container of gas
each night and pour it into the victim's gas tank.  Wait for the
story each day to get better and better.  Repeat until it cannot
be taken any more.  I believe 2 weeks was sufficient.
  Finally the moment (days) of truth.  Each night for 2 weeks,
the effect was reversed, and one gallon of gas was REMOVED from
the victim's tank.  It was amazingly effective at reducing some
of the stories.  I suspect the truth was never revealed to the
victim.

*********

  Another harmless practical joke to be played on people living in 
multiple story apartment buildings is as follows: Knock on victim's 
door.  Say, "I've got to use your window, someone's about to jump 
from an apartment above yours."  Run to window and look outside, 
but don't let victim look. At this point your accomplice dumps a 
rag-filled dummy either from the window above or from the roof.  
The dummy should be fully closed; for added realism put some 
plastic bags of fake blood inside the clothes. On the sidewalk 
below, a third accomplice puts down a plastic sheet, then covers 
it with a sheet painted to resemble the sidewalk.  After the body 
hits, let the victim see the gore, then convince him to run down 
and help while you stay and call the ambulance.  As soon as the 
victim has left, signal your accomplice to remove the sheets and 
the dummy and head for some prearranged hiding place.  Then you 
leave the apartment and disappear somewhere in the building; later, 
you make your way downstairs and leave. The victim will race 
downstairs expecting to find a dead bloody body and will instead 
see only clean, empty pavement.  Of course, it is best done late
at night since the joke would be spoiled by a passer-by who 
informed the victim of the "body's" fate. The fun comes imagining 
the victim trying to convince the police or anyone else of what 
happened!

*********

  In our residence the lounge door can be locked (or unlocked) by 
any room key from the floor. You can also remove the handles from 
a door (ie the lock comes too) and switch the handles.
  We did this to one guy, he was the only one who could lock the 
door to the lounge (we never locked anyway) but everyone could get 
into his room. Every night for a week (at about 3:30 am) someone 
would go in and do something to him while he was asleep (nothing 
really nasty). As he was a sound sleeper, it actually took him a 
week to figure out what was going on.
Disclaimer: Kids at home, Don't try this.

*********

  This one reminded me of a joke some of the guys on our floor pulled 
on another guy while he was in the shower. While he was in the shower,
they took all his clothes and even his towel and hung them outside in 
the hall (over water pipes in the ceiling - we were in the basement). 
I don't know how long he stayed in there and/or whether or not someone
ever gave him back his clothes. The worst part of this one was that 
there were 2 shower stalls in the bathroom - and I happened to be in 
the other one; it could of happened to me!!

*********

  In my younger days, while employed at a warehouse, I was the butt
of the usual practical jokes directed at newcomers.(Fetch me a light
bulb repair kit, son;etc) As days passed, I noticed that one of my 
antagonists was actually afraid of his terminal. This was at the time
when the press was full of accounts of the dangers of X-rays from 
color TV's, and this guy was deathly afraid of the noise made by the 
high-voltage section of the CRT as it warmed up. Each morning he sat 
in his swivel chair, coffee in his left hand, and with the chair as 
far as possible away from the terminal, used his right hand to 
quickly flick the ON switch, and then jerked it away from THE 
CERTAIN DEATH THAT AWAITED. After the racket settled down, he 
would wheel up to the terminal and commence operations.
  This situation was too good for yours truly to pass up. I went 
upstairs and pulled out a stock item, a stadium buzzer, used by 
high schools on the football fields to announce the end of a 
quarter. I came in early the next morning and installed it in 
one of his file boxes, near the terminal. I ran the wires out 
to the next office via a pass-thru, and alerted all of the staff
(but him) of what was about to transpire.
  He entered the room, coffee in hand, and sat in his chair. All 
others were heads-down in work. He adjusted his chair to the proper 
distance, reached way out for the switch, and as soon as he pulled, 
I plugged in the cord. As the buzzer sounded, he assumed the facial 
expressions of one who has seen death reaching it's skeltal fingers 
to snatch him from the land of the living. Coffee flew to the 
ceiling, and for a few brief seconds before hitting the opposite 
wall, a new world land speed record for backward swivel-chair
operation was established!

*********

  Preface:  The person that this is played on must be someone who 
really deserves it because it takes several people to pull off. He 
must also live on the first floor of his dorm.  It must also occur 
in the winter in a suitably cold and barren area like Dartmouth.
PHASE 1:
  We did this trick to someone we found very difficult to live with.
When the victim was away from his room we began to pile up a large 
amount of snow outside of his window.  The conditions were perfect.
His window was divided into two sections.  One didn't open, the 
other (in theory) swung outward like a door.  The snow was wet 
and packed heavily and easily. (On colder days a hose may be used 
to harden the snow.)  We built a huge pile of snow which reached 
six or eight feet back from the part of his window that swung. We 
then, as a demoralizing factor, put a cosmetic layer of snow which 
completely covered the section which didn't open. When we had 
finished the outside work we went into his room and closed his
shade and curtain so that he would not notice what we had done 
until it was too late.
PHASE 2:
  We then waited for him to come home.  Luckily his room was on a 
side of the dorm away from the entrance so that our work wasn't 
visible from the approach. He arrived and entered his room.  We 
listened outside his door until we heard his shade go up and a 
sudden "What the F--K?" as only pure, white snow was visible 
through the window.  At this point we wedged a paperback book 
between his door and the frame. (Similar to using pennies, but 
more effective.) We then sat back and listened as he started 
towards the door.  "Allright, who put all the snow outside my...
what the F--K?  OPEN THIS DOOR!"
  The show got more exciting as he, thinking that he could still 
just go out the window, walked over, opened his curtain, tried to 
open the window, and became aware of the magnitude of the problem 
facing him.  He had no phone, and so could not call the campus 
police to come help him.  His neighbors would not heed his cries, 
because most of them had assisted us with the trick.
  We eventually released him, but only after he had come to the 
realization that he needed to be more considerate of those living 
around him, or else face living out the rest of a prematurely 
shortened life in a small, snow covered dorm room.

*********

  My favorite dorm practical joke involved collecting newspapers for 
about 3 months by everyone.  When a guy on my floor had a three hour
lab we crumpled up newspapers and completely filled his room from 
floor to ceiling. When he returned, he had to go in through in the 
bathroom, and wasn't even able to get the door open far enough to 
get through.

*********

  About nine years ago the book "The Adolescense of P1" was very 
popular at the computer shop where I was employed.  In case you 
don't know, this is about a hacker named Gregory and a computer 
program he wrote which is self-perpetuating.  Years later he is 
employed as an honest Systems Analyst and has almost forgotten 
about his "child."  Then the system downstairs prints out "CALL 
GREGORY" and locks up...followed by a thickening plot, some
humorous, some frightening.
  I worked nights.  It wasn't hard to replace the boot file on 
our system disks with another that typed out "CALL GREGORY" 
before replacing itself with the original.
  It's funny that there haven't been more computer practical 
jokes posted here.  What a marvelous opportunity the computer 
affords the practical joker!
  I designed and wrote a point-of-sale system which was first 
installed in 1976, after which I left the company. At midnight, 
December 31, 1977 every system in the country stopped whatever 
it was doing, flashed every light and sounded every beeper on 
every cash register, printed "Happy New Year" on every printer, 
and went back to whatever it was doing.  I wonder how that
happened?


  Some of the least elaborate practical jokes are the most 
effective.  Go with a couple of friends, stand near some busy 
street corner, and take a great interest in some point near the 
top of a tall building, or maybe just up in the sky.  Watch the 
reactions of people around you.

  Take an old windowshade, go to a gymnastics show or anywhere 
else where people wear leotards, wait for someone to do a split, 
and tear the windowshade briskly, making a very loud ripping 
sound...

  Go to any gag store and get a fake plastic vomit.  Put it in a 
drinking fountain.  Wet it is amazingly realistic ...

*********

  Back around 1969 at another university, we had just gotten time 
sharing facilities and because of the unrest (this was about Kent 
State) we had armed guards protecting the computer and the few 
terminals. It being around midnight, I got the guards playing an 
interactive monopoly game. The next evening i was confronted by a 
VERY upset computer operator. Apparently at about 4:00AM one guard 
landed on Boardwalk and the game ended when he didn't have enough 
money to pay the rent. The guards DEMANDED the operator restart 
the game and became more and more upset when he couldn't. 

*********

Recipe for LARGE quantities of soapsuds:

1. Fill a large bucket with hot water.

2. Empty contents of one bottle of dishwashing detergent into 
   bucket (Ivory, Joy, Dawn, or equivalent).  

3. Drop in a few pounds of dry ice that has been crushed to 
   small pieces.

4. STAND BACK!

  Recipe will fill a phone booth, or a small room (or even a big 
one). A friend and I once did this in the bed of his truck. While 
stopped at traffic signals the whole bed would fill up to the rim 
with suds.  Then, as we would accelerate away from the light, 
large "chunks" would break loose and waft lazily through the air, 
causing much consternation to the traffic behind.  On the freeway 
the result was much smaller pieces of suds billowing out of the 
back of the truck.  It looked like a snowstorm!  It's funnier to
see than the description sounds.  We were hysterical. 
  Also, the soap can be omitted from the above to obtain fog. 
A phone booth that is opaque with dense fog looks pretty strange too.

*********

  Okay, this is something me and my best friend did to our 
Comp. Sci. teacher senior year of high school.
  We started this joke by getting into heated arguments for 
a week before the actual event and of course everything was 
building up a big head of steam.  By this time the other kids 
knew something was up and we let them in on the joke, so now 
we have about 30 people helping in our cause.
  Anyway, on the day of the crime we went to the school's 
dressing room and, since we were both active in the drama 
club, no one asked what we were there for.  So, I get ready 
for the fun by making myself a nice layer of plasti-skin and 
filled it with stage blood. Danny, my friend, obtained the 
services of a prop knife, you know one of the ones that 
retract and we tested the depth of the cut with the thickness 
of the skin, it was right, so now we are set.
  We walk into class seperated by about a minute and we start
right where we had left off, teh name calling, the pushing and 
all the other aspects of high schoolers that don't like each 
other.  So Danny pulls the knife out of his pocket and yells, 
"That's it Ray, you're dead."  So he swings at my neck and the 
knife cuts the plasti-skin and the stage blood goes everywhere, 
I crumple in a gurgling heap and lay prone under the table of 
trash80's.  Mr. Waddington comes up and sees Danny standing 
over me with a blood covered knife and sees me apparently dead 
starts to roll me over.  I flop over like any good corpse and 
he dabs at the blood now covering my neck and says the line
I was waiting for, "My God you killed him!"  At that moment, 
I opened my eyes and asked him what he was doing.  I have 
heard of peoples faces going white and now I saw it.
  After he relised what we had done, he congratulated us on a
job well done.

*********

  Where I used to work, one of the group leaders used to have a
Playboy calender.  One of the young ladies who objected to the 
posting did a mastectomy & placed the paper in the phone between 
the pickup and the connection.  The phone seemed to be complete, 
but did not work.
 
*********

  One prank I haven't seen listed yet is the one I used to do at 
summer camp and the college dorm.  Take the top off the toilet 
tank.  Inside, there is usually a vertical plastic pipe about 
1 inch in diameter. Going into the top of this pipe is a little 
plastic tube.  Turn the tube outward and, if it is long enough, 
then put it toward the toilet bowl with the end just sticking 
out.  Replace the tank cover, making sure that the little plastic 
tube is just sticking out.  When someone flushes, the tube will 
squirt water.
  One time in Colorado I did this at 3:00am.  The guy that got 
caught must have flushed with his elbow while still seated. His 
back was sprayed with ice cold water. His language was abominable, 
and made funnier since this was a Christian camp.  Oh well, we're 
all human.

*********

  These are computer-related practical jokes played by an old
acquaintence years ago at a nameless university in Northern
California. He wisened up and stopped playing them when the 
various administrations of the computer centers found out who
it was. Sometimes I simply could not believe that he would do
things like this.

  The first one was probably the worst. The undergraduate computer
center was being connected to a large terminal lab across campus 
via a long line across campus. This had taken the technical folks 
who worked at the computer center months of planning, pulling 
cables, attaching lines, reconfiguring the system, and so forth.
  It was at about this time that Jack (not his real name), wrote 
a program called "GARB" (short for "Garbage") This program sat 
in the background running at low priority. It would choose a 
random interval, sometimes seconds, sometimes minutes, sleep 
for that interval, and then wakeup. At that point, it would 
choose a random ASCII character and then choose a random 
terminal on that computer and send the character to the 
terminal. Then it would loop back into its sleep mode until 
the next time it woke up.
  The administration and technical people spent weeks wondering 
why their attempts at connecting cross-campus cables were causing 
spurious data across existing lines, as well as the lines that 
had been connected. They had people out there with the elaborate 
technical equipment trying to trace down the source of the "noise" 
that was polluting the terminal lines with stray characters.
  Quite a while later, they did indeed discover the problem and 
confronted Jack. I'm not sure what happened after that.
  Another thing Jack did, before that, was write a program called 
"GOD". It would patch the running monitor and actually insert a 
jump into the code that performed the logout-job function within 
the monitor. The jump simply took control of the monitor to a 
patch-area elsewhere within memory where a simple comparison 
took place to see if the logout being requested was of any jobs 
belonging to Jack. If so, it simply did a no-op, with an 
appropriate return-condition indicating success (so that the 
calling program which initiated the system call would not know 
the job had not been logged out). This program, "GOD" most came 
in handy to Jack during the wee morning hours when few people 
used the system but the proverbial "wheel wars" occurred, in
which enabled superusers with privileges attempted to conquer 
each other in various ways.
  Needless to say, none of the above behavior is tolerated by 
the administration any more, with good reason.

*********

  Propose to the victim a co-ordination test, and tell him that it 
has been taken by the brightest people around you (quote some 
scores!).  You sit in front of the victim and put your palms about 
twelve inches apart. The victims task is very simple. With eyes 
closed, his palms clasped together, he should cautiously take his  
palms between your palms, remove  them, and repeat the process. 
Of course he must not touch your palms otherwise he "looses". 
Each cycle counts as one point and "any average person can get 
100 points". As I said, tell him the scores of some other people 
you know.
  Let him paractice a little with  his  eyes  open. Then blindfold 
him (to avoid the "natural" temptation of cheating) and say START. 
After a while leave. It is a hilarious sight to see a person rock 
his clasped palms back annd forth for no obvious reason.
  Be sure to invite many of your friends to witness this sight. 
You will find that this co-ordination test really sounds sincere, 
and many innocent people who listen to you explaining to the 
chosen victim, actually volunteer to take the test before the 
victim. This gives you a choice of victims to choose from.
  OK, OK...I insisted on taking this test too and made a fool 
of myself!!

*********

1.  This one happened impromptu.  A group of us were novice UNIX 
hacks working for our department of computer science, all on similar 
terminals.  I had written a small program that would transmit a 
single character at a time to another terminal.  (No big deal, but 
no one else had tried it.)  One guy was typing away, and I was 
making his cursor "wiggle" by pressing the forward and reverse 
arrow keys.  He exclaimed that something was wrong with his cursor.
Another guy picked up on this, and explained that the cursor beam 
must be loose. He gave the right side of the first guy's (John's) 
terminal a good hard whack, I transmitted a carriage return. John 
laughed, but actually sat there typing in (some text), and whacking 
the side of the terminal every time he needed a carriage return, 
FOR SEVERAL MINUTES.  Needless to say, we were hysterical.

  The second guy, (Tim), says "John, watch this!" and put his hand 
under John's desk and gave the underside of the desk another whack: 
I transmitted a "HOME" character, moving the cursor to the top of 
the screen, again as if the whack had moved the cursor.  John 
continues typing, whacking the bottom and side of the terminal 
whenever he needs cursor motion.  Tim smacks the top of the terminal 
and I transmit a CLEAR key: it looked as if the characters have been
"knocked off" the screen.  John is just about the get the lab 
manager when we clue him in.

2.  I once had a job as a COBOL programmer.  A particular program 
was to input no more than 20 items from an operator, and them 
produce the appropriate report from them.  I asked my boss what 
the program should do if the operator wanted more than 20 items 
to appear in the report.  He said, oh, that will never happen.  
But what if it does, I asked.  Gruffly, he said, have it notify 
the operator.
  This particular machine had a seriously loud bell (control G) 
that sounded like a real bell, plus it was fairly easy to make 
the screen flash off and on. I coded it to flash and ring the 
alarm for a minute.  I tried it once and it was truly alarming.  
I never heard if anybody tried to enter more than twenty items, 
but it is something I think about from time to time ...

*********

  On the subject of practical jokes on the computer, I pulled the 
following one.  When I was in college at New Mexico Tech (located 
in Socorro, which is spanish for help!), I was a programmer for 
several departments.  As a result, I was setting up some user 
interfaces.  The machine was a dec 20 (with tops20) and there 
was a central terminal room with about thirty adm 3s (now, there 
is a terminal) in it.  anyway, when this 20 went down in a
controlled manner it would send out a warning "dec 20 going down", 
then three dots at one second intervals, then a "p", then go down.  
When it came up, it would send out a message "dec 20 coming up", 
then three dots at one second intervals, then a "p", then the login 
header.  Anyway, the victum sat down to use a statistical package 
(it is so much fun to play with people whose use canned stat 
packages).  After he had been on for ten minutes, he received the 
dec 20 going down sequence and then his terminal went dead. So he 
waited (about five minutes).  However, all during this time, 
everyone around him was typing away merrily.  Finally he asked if
the system had gone down.  Everyone said no.  Then he asked the 
operator. Again no.  Then the system manager.  He finally brought 
back the user servant (someone paid to answer user's questions) 
back to the terminal. They played with the switches, then the user 
servant scratched his head and said "beats me".  About this time, 
the message "dec system 20 reengaged" appeared on his terminal, 
then the three dots, then the "p", then the message "automatic 
login in effect, status at crash resumed" and he was right where 
he left off!  The program that caused this then deleted (and 
expunged) itself.  To this day, I don't think he knows what
happened to him.

*********

  Another practical joke under the guise of a co-ordination test 
is the following. Ask your victim to take a quarter and place it 
on a piece of paper. Then ask him to take a pencil, and without 
removing his finger off the quarter, to draw a circle around the 
quarter. Have him repeat the same exercise with each of his 
fingers pressing on top of the quarter. Afterwards, have him pick 
up the quarter and rub it along the bridge of his nose. It'll
then be really funny to watch him walk around with a black line 
on his face.


  I also have heard of a practical joke that can be done to a person 
while he/she is sleeping. If the person's hand is dipped in warm 
water, this causes a subconscious relaxation of the bladder and 
causes the person to wet his/her bed. I have never tried this, nor 
have I seen it tried, but I've heard it from quite a few people. 
Has anyone out there ever tried it?

*********

  This is true. It seems that a colleague and myself are scheduled 
to present a paper next month at an AI conference.  We've never 
heard of the conference nor did we write a paper.
  Also, just today I got a letter that begins "Thank you for 
agreeing to serve as chairperson of the following session at 
ICASSP-87 in Dallas, Texas."  I've never met nor spoke to the 
person sending the letter nor did I agree to be a chairperson.  
Either someone is setting me (us) up or this is a sneaky way to 
get volunteers.

*********

  A computer related practical joke a played in my younger days
(2 years ago...) was to write an unstoppable program (disabled
break, ^C, etc...) that would imitate the login procedure. I
would leave it running on a public terminal and whenever
somebody tried to logon, it would always print the message
'User validation error' (Or whatever message corresponding
to the operating system [that was VAX/VMS.] login error)
and loop back.
  Meanwhile, the user ID and the password were written in a 
file in my directory...
  The only way to get out of the program was to turn off the
gandalf box.

*********

  Back in the good old college days, when pulling all-nighters 
(sure, you must have done some of those before!), at about 2 or 
3am, try calling someone to "remind" them to go to the bathroom 
(or do something). Wait for half-an-hour or so, call again just 
to make sure s/he did what you asked them to do earlier!

*********

  When I was out at Union College in Schenectady N.Y, we had a 
great college radio station that would give away pizzas, movie 
passes, clothes, etc. for answering trivia questions throughout 
the day.  One day, my friend and I recorded a trivia question 
on our tape deck and kept the tape in the deck. A little later 
one of our good friends came over to visit and we were all 
listening to the campus station.  As soon as one of the songs 
ended, we turned on the tape with out our friend noticeing and 
the D.J asked a trivia question for a large pizza.  Our friend 
knew the answer and since he was closed to the phone, he 
immediatly picked it up and dialed the station.  He was really 
excited that he got through and started yelling the answer at 
the mystified D.J.  He was incredibly embarrased, we were trying 
so hard not to laugh it hurt.

*********

  DEC 20 practical jokes were rampant at an undergraduate computer 
center I once frequented. One practical joker, call him Jack (yes, 
the same Jack mentioned in an earlier message on this list), wrote 
a program that was really rather nasty.
  This program maintained two tables or arrays of strings. The 
strings would be things like:

    [FROM TTY NN: HI SWEETIE, JUST CAUGHT YOU LOOKING AT ME]
or
    [FROM TTY NN: HEY YOU GORGEOUS HUNK, COME OVER AND MEET ME]

  The program would cycle through the system sending out these 
messages occasionally to a random terminal, insuring that the 
terminal mentioned in the terminal messages above would have 
an actual logged-in job. The person who received the message 
would either be a) annoyed b) flattered and want to meet their 
admirer or c) angry.
  I heard that many meetings of users resulted from this program.

*************

  In 1972 I was working at a very boring job in an aerospace 
factory. There were three guys my age (early 20's) in the 
department and we were always playing what we saw as a joke on 
some poor unsuspecting soul.  I was also in the Navy Reserve at 
the time and had to take two weeks off during the Summer to do 
my training.  When I returned from two weeks off, not yet bored 
enough yet to begin playing more jokes, the other three guys 
went off their heads pulling any kind of trivial, dangerous or 
otherwise obnoxious stunt they could think of. At the end of 
the second day the supervisor called me into the office and said:
  "Jones, I don't know what's the matter with you but you better 
knock it off. I've had two weeks of peace and quiet while you 
were gone and now that you're back all hell's breaking loose. 
You go on back out there and stop bothering people."
  I knew that I hadn't done anything but I didn't bother to 
protest. I could recognize a well executed joke when I saw one.

*********

  A great trick I have gotten away with many a time requires a 
little preparation, simply to go to the grocery and get a few 
packages of Kool-Aid. Then while your 'prey' is away, simply 
spread it nice and liberally into his bed, best if done in 
stripes, to leave his body in different colors. This works best 
in a warm room where he is sure to sweat during the night to 
the utmost.

*********

  If you have access to a two(or more) line phone, this is a great 
one, dial the first six numbers of your prey's phone number, and 
put that line on hold, then dial the other number; a pizza place, 
or his girlfriend is good for starters, then escalate to college 
offices, activist terrorist organizations and the CIA are good 
from then on. After you dial the second number, quickly put the 
second number on hold, then dial the last number of the first 
number and push BOTH buttons down at the same time to activate 
both calls at once, then listen, but don't laugh, or they might 
hear you and do worse in return.

*********


  Try taping a drunk to his bed.  Get a large roll of masking 
tape and when he passes out wind it around him and the bed.
  Another good one to do with a drunk is to put one of those 
fake bald heads over his hair.  Then when he wakes up ask him 
if he knows what he did last night.

*********

  I am far too Nice a person to ever have done these, but a friend 
of mine...
1. Leave old trash paperbacks around launderettes and other public 
places. Write inside the front cover:  Property of (Victim.) I need 
this book for my thesis.  If found, please return to (address) for 
$10.00 reward.

2. Post ads around town for a garage sale at Victim's house 
starting at 7:00 AM next Sunday.

3. Call lots of people and identify yourself as the victim, and say 
"I was walking throught the neighborhood recently and just realized 
I dropped my wallet.  Could you please check the sidewalk in front 
of your house and let me know if you find it?  Thanks *so* much.  
My phone number is...

*********

How about some chocolate Ex-lax in brownies.

Or maybe some ambesol in the mouthwash.

*********

  The best practical joke I know of is from MASH.  However, you 
need a reputation as an incorrigable joker for it to work. Just 
let the person know you are going to play a big one on him 
within 5 days.  (Pick your time frame.)  And that he will be 
powerless to stop you.  If you do it right, he'll worry himself
to pieces and make a fool of himself.  Then DO NOTHING.

*********

  Go to one of those miniature golf courses that has a windmill 
hole. Replace the motor with one that can spin the windmill at 
about 1000 RPM. Then illuminate it with a strobe light so it 
looks like its moving at about the same speed as before.

*********

  How about those relatives that seem to stay longer than 
expected...
  If you had someone staying at your house, especially if they're 
traveling with small children, help them pack up the car.  Slip 
some limburger (sp?) cheese into their car somewhere where it'll 
slowly get warm.  You can imagine the consternation when they pull 
to a rest stop to change junior's diapers and find nothing there.  
Or the line, "Did you hit a skunk or...?"

*********

1) Get a piece of plastic as long as the victims bed and a little 
over twice as wide.  Remove his mattress from his bed frame and 
line the frame with the plastic.  Tape the plastic to the bed if 
necessary.  Fill with water (a hose connected to the tub is helpful)
Fold the rest of the plastic over the water, and make the bed.  
(Done to my roommate by mutual friend.)

2) If your victim has a roommate, switch all their possesions.  
Or, turn all the posters upside down and hang the furniture from 
the ceiling.  (Both done to me.)

3) If your victim _is_ your roommate, switch the material in your 
waste baskets and pull his bed away from the wall a quarter of an 
inch every day.

4) Wait till your victim is away for a weekend.  Dip everything 
plastic (pens, phones, etc.) in liquid nitrogen, break it, and 
stick it together again.  Everything plastic will break when he 
picks it up.

5) Polish the floor and stick teflon to the legs of select items 
of furniture.  (The polished floor is a bit of a giveaway, but 
teflon isn't dramatically slick if there's much grime.)

*********

Maybe a bit on the "im"-practical side but if REVENGE is what you
want...
  I s'pose the keyword (superglue) says it all. The places I've 
like to hit are the person's car - namely the dust caps on the 
tire valve stems, the gas cap, and the windshield wipers. Pretty 
nasty, ain't I?

  Then there's always putting a paper bag of sh_t on the person's 
front step, setting it on fire, knocking on the door, and running 
like h_ll. The victim will come to the door, see the fire, and will 
usually try to stomp it out with his foot.
  I'll be the first that these are rather terrible and 
childish but...

*********

  This was done to me when I was in college and living in a 
fraternity house; Take someone's door and hide it for a while.  
You would really be surprised how often you want to close the 
dang thing and it's not there to do it!

*********

  A recent favourite in our residence has involved the kidnapping 
of some small beloved object (teddy bear, harp seal, stuffed banana, 
etc.).  Once this object has disappeared and before its owner has 
noticed it's gone, suspend it from a window in the dining hall, 
tv lounge, physics building,... If small animals don't work for 
you, perhaps mens undergarments stolen from the laundry might?

*********

  I think I have one of these books.  It is by George Heyduke 
(Hayduke?).  When I read it, I was practically overcome with 
mirth.  Some of the things he suggests are hilarious!  It says 
right in the book that it is written for entertainment purposes 
only, and not to try any of the ideas, so I guess he has his
behind covered.  Some of the better ideas that I remember are:

1.  "Time bombs."  This is the phrase he uses to describe chicken 
parts. Easily gotten at any supermarket, they are innocent little 
items that can be carried almost anywhere (in a baggie, if 
neccessary).  But when stashed in an out-of-the-way place, like 
under furniture cushions in the house or under car seats or in 
the trunk in a car, and given a little time, YOW!  Watch out for 
the smell!  Gotten ripped off by a used-car dealer?  Wait awhile, 
then take some test drives in some other cars. With a few 
strategically placed "bombs" in a car with the windows closed
in the hot sun.... use your imagination.  Getting evicted?  
Remove some outlet covers or switch covers and stuff some of 
these babies down inside the wall.  They'll be impossible to 
find, and won't start to smell until after you're long gone.

2.  Parties.  Parties are great fun to plan, especially if you 
plan them for someone else to host (as a surprise).  Print up a 
few flyers for a party at your victim's house and distribute 
them where undesirables will be sure to see them.  For example, 
you might put up flyers around biker bars advertising "all the 
beer you can drink", and "crowning of Miss Biker", or something 
equivalent.  Even if the reluctant host doesn't let them in his
house when the horde shows up, he will still wind up with a 
party on his lawn.  Of course, if you're his neighbor this 
gives you a good reason to complain to the cops or to his 
landlord, etc. 

3.  Set your victim against a third party, or against another 
victim.  Let other people do your dirty work for you.  Here's 
an example:  Call up the electric or gas company and impersonate 
your victim.  Request that service be terminated for a week or 
two (going on vacation, or whatever). As soon as that happens, 
call your victim.  Impersonate an officer of the gas/electric 
company, and be very nasty and abusive, saying that service 
has been discontinued because of non-payment of bills.  This 
should rile up your victim, asasuming that he HAS paid his bill 
and knows it. At any rate, tell him he must come down to the 
office immediately to discuss the problem or you will send the 
police to his house to collect, or something like that. Then, 
once you have him mad, and know he is going to the gas/electric
company, call up that company.  Impersonate your victim.  Be 
very nasty, and try to get into an argument with a supervisor.  
Wind up the conversation by saying that you are coming down 
there right now with a gun, and you are going to kill somebody.  
Then hang up.  

  Or, if you call enough times so that people associate your voice 
with his name, you could call back some time after the argument 
and make a bomb threat.  They would recognize the voice as being 
'him', and knowing that he was disgruntled would make him a prime 
suspect.

4.  Buy a cheap toy gun.  Plant it in your victim's car.  Then call 
the police and anonomously report that you saw a suspicious armed 
person in the area, and give the vehicle's description and location.
A variation of this would be to plant baggies full of phony drugs.  
He probably won't be arrested, but he will probably be stopped and 
harrassed.

5.  Enter subscriptions in his name to the most filthy 
homo/bondage/snuff magazines you can find, and change his 
address by one so his NEIGHBOR receives them.  His neighbors 
will not only be disgusted by his perversions, they will also 
be irritated by the fact that he is too dumb to even get his 
address right on a subscription.

6.  If you can get one of his credit cards, or even a charge 
receipt or carbon copy of one, use the account to order gifts 
through the mail. Order gifts for REAL friends and relatives 
of the victim, and have them delivered directly to the recipient.
It puts him in an embarrassing position to have to explain to 
his family and friends how his gift to them must be returned.  
Also, can you imagine the guy trying to convince the bank that 
HE did not make the purchases?  Don't use his charge accounts 
for your own benefit, or you will very likely be caught.  

*********

  Another joke which one can easily perpetrate goes like this:
  Fill a plastic, or rubber, tube with water. Hold the tube
vertically up into the air and with the thumb of one hand plug 
up the bottom hole of the tube and place it next to your ear 
(hide the fact that you are plugging the hole).
  Next, call a friend, or victim, and tell him that you are
hearing something really strange through the tube and he should 
come over and listen in on it. When he gets close enough to your 
ear to listen turn the tube towards his ear and release your 
thumb.

*********

  My favorite was to place a singles' advertisment for the victim.
I'll leave it to you to think of what to say, but my favorite was
(for a heterosexual person) to place an ad looking for someone of 
the same sex.

*********

I believe this is from "The Complete Book of Dirty Tricks."
  First, go to the library and find some phone books for large 
cities. In one of the phone books you should be able to find a 
person who has the same name as the target.  Then go down to 
the post office and file a change of address for the target, 
forwarding his mail to himself in a far away city.
  If I remember correctly the book states that this is very 
illegal and is only included for amusement.

*********

  Another person I know told me he once ordered some phony 
business stationary, and used it to place an order for a 
70,000 pound steel coil to be delivered to this person's 
(a high school teacher) address.  The coil showed up and 
got dumped on the front lawn.

*********

One of the best ones I heard, was to do the following:
  During winter time in any part of the country where it gets 
really cold, take your victims mattress, soak in water until 
it has reached it's saturation level, then hang it outside 
until it freezes solid. Once solid, replace on the victim's 
bed and make the bed up to look like normal.  Boy will they 
be surprised when they go to bed.

*********

  Next time when you are having dinner, keep an empty jug of 
water on the table. When somebody asks you to pass the jug, 
pretend while picking it up that it is full of water and 
heavy. Keep the jug on the table near the victim. The victim 
will apply what he/she considers is appropriate strength 
needed to pick up the jug. This will cause the jug to jerk 
up to a significant height. The sight is very funny and so 
is the victim's face.
  Must try to believe. Even the most prude of your aunts will 
not mind being a victim of this joke.

*********

  AH yes...ye ole highschool days...(seems everyone knows of or 
has done a VW bug stunt already).  We also had a rather unliked 
teacher, whose VW was carried up onto the gymnasium stage on 
the last day of school.  Needless to say, every year after that 
he arrived on the last day of school driving the cab of his 
brother's semi.

*********

  This is more of a practical joke WITH a Beetle...MIT has some 
very wide, very long corridors that turn out to be VW-accessible.  
One night a guy I knew started cruising the corridors.  The 
practical joke came when the campus police started chasing him.  
He whipped around a corner, into a freight elevator, and away.
  They never found him.

*********

  If you live in a dorm with tiles on the bathroom door, pour 
rubbing alcohol in the cracks, wait for your victim to go into 
the bathroom and seat himself, and light the alcohol.


  If you can get into your victim's house, staple the sides of 
many paper cups together so that they are in a ring or matrix 
configuration (anything too large to drag out the door), and 
fill them all with water.

*********

  A friend who lived in Durham sent a postcard to his girlfriend 
in Milwaukee that said "Here is a check for the twenty dollars 
I owe you." and had a blank spot and a piece of tape on it.

*********

One good practical joke that I've seen done to somebody:

1) Take an old record album cover.

2) Fill the insides with shaving cream.

3) Place it halfway under a locked door to the victim's office, 
home, room, etc. with the open end inside the room.

4) Jump on it.

  Another, if you can get access to the victim's key chain is to 
switch all his keys for keys that look exactly the same, but don't 
fit the locks he's trying to open. If you can be around for this 
one, it's much more fun to watch the person go crazy as he cannot 
open anything he owns.

*********

  This reminds me of something a friend of mine did to get even 
with a landlord that evicted him. There was a hole in one of his 
walls so he put a couple of dead fish in in the hole. He then 
plastered over the hole and repainted the wall. Can you imagine 
the smell after a month of summer heat? Nobody could tell where 
the odor would be coming from until the bottom of the wall would 
start to rot. He did some other things to the house but this was 
by far the most subtle and undetectable until some time later.
 
*********

  One of my favorite practical jokes is to get a somewhat long
spool of rope, and when walking down the street (acting official),
get someone to assist you in measuring a distance.   Pick a spot 
near a corner, go around, and find another person to hold the 
other end of the rope. Go across the street and just wait...

*********

  Ask somebody what time it is when he/she is holding a glass of 
fluid in the hand attached to the wrist where he/she wears a watch. 
You'll be surprised how many people pour fluid onto themselves
trying to be helpful to you.

*********

  Buy a BIG pile of magazines of every conceivable sort, and clip 
every coupon for a catalog, trial product, free brochure, etc.  
Specialty magazines have the most, such as hobbies or sports (or 
computers). Your victim should be deluged with junk mail (and 
since most such lists get sold to other lists, the response will 
be a geometric function of the number of clips you send).

*********

  It should be noted by people wishing to play practical jokes, 
that some people take them dead seriously. Such people tend to 
escalate the level of jokes by a couple of magnitudes. My three 
favorite stories are from different colleges. 

  One joker sprinkled finely ground powdered milk underneath his 
victim's sheets. It acts like powdered sugar in the sense that, 
as you sweat in your sleep, it dissolves and comes up through 
the sheets onto your body and into your pores. But your sweat 
makes it sour, and when it gets into your pores, it stays there. 
You smell very strongly of sour milk for about a week (4 days 
if you shower and sauna every day). The next weekend, when the 
joker was walking back from a party, three guys jumped him. 
They were dressed in ski masks and painter's suits (those light 
paper/cloth jumpsuits that people wear to paint autobodies). 
They stripped, tied, blindfolded and gagged the joker, and 
spraypainted him blue. No one was ever caught.

  In another case, a yuppy practical joker taped a guy's car 
closed with strapping and duct tape (the thing apparently 
looked like a ball of tape when he got through). For those 
if you that don't know, the adhesive on such tapes ruins a 
car's paint job, and can, if you try to remove it en masse, 
even take off chips of paint and door guards (especially in 
winter). Two days later, the yuppie's BMW was found with all 
four of its racing radials slashed to ribbons. The yuppy of 
course, called the police on the guy who's car he taped. The 
guy did not admit to slashing the tires, as opposed to the 
yuppie, who told the police why he thought the other guy was 
responsible (ie: he admitted to the police that he taped the 
other car). Charges were never pressed about the BMW (lack 
of evidence), and charges were pressed about the car taping. 
Did the guy actually slash the BMW wheels? He always claimed 
that he didn't (of course the last time I knew, the statute 
of limitations wasn't up yet).

  Then of course there's the people who take the direct route 
to revenge. Some guy thought he would make a very large, easy 
going, farm boy feel more at home. So he got some fresh pig 
manure and dumped it in the farm boy's room. The very large 
farm boy, apparently lacking a cultured sense of humor, beat 
the living shit out of the joker. Then he told the joker that 
if it happened again, the joker would eat the pigshit. Nobody 
doubted him. 

*********

  Call a mortuary and report the victim dead.  Arrange to have his 
body picked up at his house sometime when he is at home.

*********

  One of my favorites is to put a couple of ping pong balls 
in someones gas tank. The car will start just fine and will 
run for a couple of blocks. Then the balls will get sucked 
into the gas feed and cause the car to die. The balls will 
now float back to the top of the tank and he will be able 
to restart the car. This will be very frustrating to the 
car owner, espiality if he works on his own car. First he 
will replace the fuel filter then maybe the fuel pump. 
From there on out he will be pulling his hair out to 
figure out what to do next.
 
*********

  My favourite was one I heard that someone at Boston University 
did to his roomate, who he hated.  Late one night, while the 
roomate, a very sound sleeper, was asleep, this chap superglued 
his...er...male organ...to the inside of his leg.
The roomate must have been a sound sleeper.

*********

  My favorite was always the Saran wrap on toilet bowl one.
Second prize goes to the chubby girl eons ago in high school.
A single teacher had made out of line remarks *during class* 
about her size. She got him a paid subscription to a raunchy 
skin-mag *delivered to the school*. He got called on the 
carpet but good, and the Superintendent would not believe 
his protests of innocence..

*********

  Get a list on the free classified throwaways in town
and print the following:
  
RED 86 Vette: Won on game show, must sell, leaving
country.  Steal!!  First reasonable offer takes...
Call 


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