Kissing Jokes

Kissing Jokes



Kissing may not spread germs, but they certainly lower resistance. 


A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, 
demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth
 -- and endures all the rest. 


Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply 
not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. 


Some women blush when they are kissed, some call for the police, 
some swear, some bite. But the worst are those who laugh. 


It's impossible to kiss someone unexpectedly - 
only sooner than you thought.


A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words
become superfluous.


  The kissing booth at the Charity Fair displayed a large sign:
"Kisses - $5 to $50."
  One young man asked the girl in the booth if the price range
was a matter of duration.
  "Nope!" she smiled. "Lip placement."


A kiss is the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicular muscles 
in a state of contraction. 


Definition of a kiss...Upper persuasion for a lower invasion.



Kisses Defined

Peaches:
  When you say the word peaches, your lips come together for less 
than a second. Imagine saying this when you kiss - it happens very 
quickly.

Prunes:
  Described as such because the movement of the lips during this 
kiss roughly approximates that caused by uttering the word prunes. 
It's Longer than a peaches kiss.

Alfalfa:
  Hold your tongue with your fingers and try to say alfalfa - you 
can't do it. Nor can you perform the alfalfa kiss without using the 
tongue.

Glass:
  This kiss is most commonly used when you are separated by a pane 
of glass. Oftentimes you are in a hurry and can't roll down the car 
window, or the sliding door is shut and you don't want to let the 
cold air in the house. If you are participating in a glass kiss and 
the other person pulls away to see your pressed lips, blow air into 
the window and make your checks swell.

Underwater:
  Remember wondering what it would be like to kiss underwater? 
Then you convinced your neighbor to try it with you in the pool, 
you found out it was no big deal: you can't feel their lips very 
well, the chlorine hurts your eyes, and you swallow water on your 
way to the surface. It may be more interesting if you fill the 
pool with Jell-O.

Noisy:
  A kiss that makes noise is not unusual, it's just noisy - which 
means at times can be considered rude.

Thrown:
  Not too common anymore. Seen mostly in parades and silent movies. 
Can be traumatic if you don't warm up your arm.

Blown:
  Similar to the thrown kiss, but used at close range or when a 
thrown kiss might be intercepted.

Hand:
 This kiss is another member of the thrown-kiss family. The only 
difference is that after the kiss is placed in the hand, it is 
personally delivered and applied to the other person's face. 
Although more accurate than either the thrown or blown kiss, 
it can be hazardous if delivered with a slap.

Dark:
  Kissing in the dark is a problem for those with bad sense of 
direction - they end up kissing the ear. One way to alleviate 
this problem is to locate your date's nose, grip it tightly to 
use as a reference point, and kiss below the hand.

Grandma Bunny:
  These are the types kisses you get from older relatives. "Bunny"
refers to the soft white hair grandmothers have above their lips, 
which they often moisten before kissing.




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