Fast Food Jokes

Fast Food Jokes

  Question for all you extra bright folk out there. I had a 
hamburger at McDonalds yesterday and happened to look at the 
package it was in and it says 33% recycled paper and then 
under that "15% past consumer content."
  Does anyone have any idea what that is? In particular, is 
it still referring to the paper, or to the hamburger?

Could be a new ad campaign: "Psychotic assassins prefer 
McDonalds over Burger King four to one in recent shootings..."

  Schools across the country are now experimenting with serving 
prune burgers -- hamburgers made with prunes.  In fact, if that 
works, they're thinking of opening a chain of prune burger 
restaurants.  I believe they're calling them Windy's.

  I took my 4 year old son, Josh, out to McDonald's for 
dinner one evening for a "guy night".
  As we were eating our hamburgers, Josh asked, "Daddy, 
what are these little things on the hamburger buns?"
  I responded that they were tiny seeds and were ok to eat.
  He was quiet for a couple of minutes and I could tell he 
was in deep thought.
  Finally, Josh looked up and said, "Dad, if we go home 
and plant these seeds in our backyard, we will have enough 
hamburgers to last forever."
  I went inside a McDonalds one time and ordered 2 ice cream 
cones. I was asked if they were for here or to go and said 
"What difference does it make?"
  The girl behind the counter said ,"I can't let you have them 
if you don't answer my question".
  I said, "One is for here and one is to go".  
  I then paid for the 2 cones and left.

American cultural exports and plain vanilla globalization.
They are now all wrapped into one.  
  Martin Indyk, the former U.S. ambassador to Israel told me 
a story that illustrates this point perfectly.  As ambassador, 
he was called upon to open the first McDonald's in Jerusalem.  
I asked him what he said on the occasion of McDonald's opening 
in that holy city, and he said, "Fast food for a fast nation."
  But the best part, he told me later, was that McDonald's gave
him a colorful baseball hat with the McDonald's logo on it to 
wear as he was invited to eat the first ceremonial Big Mac in 
Jerusalem's first McDonald's -- with Israeli television filming 
every bite for the evening news.  The restaurant was packed 
with young Israelis eager to be on hand for this historic event.
  While Ambassador Indyk was preparing to eat Jerusalem's first
official Big Mac, a young Israeli teenager worked his way 
through the crowd and walked up to him.  The teenager was 
carrying his own McDonald's hat and he handed it to Ambassador 
Indyk with a pen and asked, "Are you the ambassador?  Can I 
have your autograph?"  
  Somewhat sheepishly, Ambassador Indyk replied, "Sure, I've 
never been asked for my autograph before."  
  As Ambassador Indyk took the hat and prepared to sign his 
name on the bill, the teenager said to him, "Wow, what's it 
like to be the ambassador from McDonald's, going around the 
world opening McDonald's restaurants everywhere?"  
  Somewhat stunned, Ambassador Indyk looked at the Israeli 
youth and said, "No, no.  I'm the American ambassador -- not 
the ambassador from McDonald's!"  
  The Israeli youth looked totally crestfallen.  Ambassador 
Indyk described what happened next:  "I said to him, 'Does 
this mean you don't want my autograph?'
  And the kid said, 'No, I don't want your autograph,' and 
he took his hat back and walked away."  

  Read in the paper recently that there are more Adult 
bookstores than there are McDonald's.
  Yeah, I drove by "Adult World" the other day, and it 
said, "Billions and Billions Perved" 
  One is about hamburgers, the other is about hambuggers.
Women go in and complain about the size of the stuff that 
they get. Men come out and complain that they did not get 
their money's worth

20 ways to have fun at a McDonald's drive-thru

Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using
colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the
patrons inside.

Drive through backwards.

Belch your order.

After ordering, cover the speaker and mike with transparent 
tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to 
hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.

Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.

Walk through.

Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). 
When the manager comes to the mike, speak English and 
inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty 
understanding you.

Repeat everything the order taker says.

Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take 
your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.

Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange 
Coke and a small medium fries, please".

In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip 
out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is 
handed 40 bags of food.

When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand 
them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of 
it for you. Make sure it smells.

Drive through with a carload of naked people.

Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will 
think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to 
order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak 
in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.

Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.

Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, 
aim the mike at their speaker but do so while aiming the 
Mr. Microphone speaker at the mike to produce excruciating 
feedback of their own voice.

One word: Flatulence!

Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the 
window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and 
banging his fists on the trunk.

If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by 
speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. 
When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your 
order. See how many of the order-takers fellow employees 
have been called over to the window to "check out the babe".

Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.

  Ted just finished his training session at the local McDonald's.
So he was a little nervous being behind the register for the
first time.
  His first customer ordered a Milkshake.
  "Ted," his manager said, "remember to say 'Welcome to McDonald's'
to each customer before they order."
  His second customer ordered a Cheeseburger.  This time, the
manager approached Ted again, and said, "Remember to ask each
customer if they want fries with their order."
  At this point a man came in wearing a ski mask, approached Ted
at the register and pointed a gun in his face.  "Give me all the
money you got in that register kid!"
  Ted took one look at his manager, thought to himself, and quickly
said, "Would you like that for here or to go?"

  It has been theorized that Burgerthing is distributing a secret,
invisible pokemon, inside all its pokeballs.  This new creature, 
called Choki-mon, has the special power of making it hard for 
children to breath, when they place one hemisphere of the ball 
over their nose and mouth and form a tight seal.  We suggest that 
Burgerthing warn children not to say, "Choki-mon, I choose you!"
anywhere in the vicinity of the ball.  This might cause the ball 
to immediately leap onto the face of the nearest child, and begin 
its choki-choke attack.  The choki-choke attack is not particularily 
dangerous, unless the Choki-mon has evolved a sleep attack as well, 
in which case, the opponent may loose consciousness, and be unable 
to put up a defense.  Needless to say, the Choki-mon is a difficult 
animal to train.  Team Rocket is believed to have bred this creature 
and placed it into all Burgerthing balls, while nobody was looking. 
We suggest that any children who come into contact with a Choki-mon 
repeat the following phrase:  "I gotta catch my breath."

  Recently the fast food chain 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' has been 
running advertisements for their new buffet.  In the television 
commercial, various store personnel sing the praises of the buffet.
  They are not particularly good singers, and the song is rather 
pathetic.  The whole thing appears to have been done in jest.  
This commercial is generally recognized (i.e., by a few of my 
friends and I) as one of the dumbest in recent memory.
  It seems that the local KFC franchise recognizes this as well.
Yesterday the sign outside the the store read (I am NOT making 
this up):
  Try Our New Buffet
  Or We'll Run The Commercial Again

  A devout Hindu sued Taco Bell for serving him a beef burrito 
instead of the bean burrito he ordered. He said the forbidden 
meat caused nausea, loss of sleep and many doctor visits.
 In its defense, Taco Bell said the same thing would have 
happened if he'd gotten the bean burrito.


Name ________________________________________  Age _________

Previous employment:

And WHY have you never had a job before? [tick one]
 [ ]  Student
 [ ]  Crap grades
 [ ]  Rich parents
 [ ]  Couldn't be bothered

Why did you choose employment with McDonald's?

Now the REAL reason:
 [ ]  Parents want me to get a job
 [ ]  Need some cash quick
 [ ]  It seems like a good career move

Where do you dream of working three months from now?
 [ ] Why, McDonald's of course, as Chief Executive Officer
 [ ]  In my local nightclub
 [ ]  In Spain, as a tour guide
 [ ]  Dream of WORKING? Are you serious?


(1) A customer asks for a regular fries and a regular
    milkshake. What is the correct response?
 [A]  Stare blankly at customer.
 [B]  Ask, "Is that a LARGE fries?"
 [C]  Ask, "What drink would you like with that?"

(2) An armed robber approaches and demands that you hand
    over all the money in your till. What should be your
    immediate response?
 [A] Hand over the money, wait until he has gone and
     then call the police.
 [B] Hand over the money and then tell him about today's
     special offer.
 [C] Ask, "Would you like fries with that?"

(3) Under what circumstances could you give the customer
    barbecue sauce?
 [A] Only if they EXPLICITLY ask for it.
 [B] Only if they agree to pay double the price of the
     total bill.
 [C] This situation will not arise because there will
     never be any barbecue sauce in stock.
 [D] Never give out sauce for ANY reason whatsoever.

(4) A customer leaves a tray full of food wrappings on the
    table. What is the minimum period of time that should
    elapse before cleaning the table?
  [A] 15 minutes, or 2 additional trays and a "take-out" bag.
  [B] 30 minutes, or 4 additional trays and 3 "Happy Meal" boxes.
  [C] 40 minutes, or 6 additional trays and a spilt coffee.


How would you rate your ability to chat to other members of
staff while customers are waiting? [tick one]
 [ ]  Excellent
 [ ]  Good
 [ ]  Average
 [ ]  Poor

What salary level would you be prepared to accept? [tick one]
 [ ]  Slave labour
 [ ]  Subsistence
 [ ]  Minimum wage
 [ ]  Just enough to be able to afford a night out every
      two weeks

Finally, would you be willing to wear a red nose, blue wig
and a red and white striped outfit when requested? [This
is not obligatory, but the branch manager has a clown
 [ ]  Yes
 [ ]  No

Thank you for your application. Have a nice day.

  Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered 
civilization: the 100GB Bug.
  As most people know, McDonald's restaurant signs show the number of 
hamburgers the giant chain has sold. That number now stands at 99 billion
burgers, or 99 Gigaburgers (GB). Within months or even weeks, that number
will roll over to 100GB. McDonald's signs, however, were designed years 
ago, when the prospect of selling one hundred billion hamburgers seemed 
unthinkably remote. So the signs have only two decimal places.
  This means that, after the sale of the 100 billionth burger, McDonald's 
signs will read "00 Billion Burgers Sold." This, experts predict, will 
convince the public that, in over thirty years, no McDonald's hamburgers
have ever in fact been sold, causing a complete collapse of consumer
confidence in McDonald's products.
  The ensuing catastrophic drop in sales is seen as almost certain to 
force the already-troubled company into bankruptcy. This, in turn, will 
push the teetering American economy over the brink, which, finally, will
complete the total devastation of the global economy, ending civilization
as we know it, and forcing us all to live on beetles.
  "The people who know -- the sign-makers -- are really scared of 100GB," 
one expert said. "I don't know about you, but I'm digging up a copy of 
the hills." 

Signs Your Job at Burger King Isn't Working Out

Your incessant "Heh, heh, he said, 'Buns.'", is really getting 
on your supervisor's nerves.

What you thought was an innovative way to keep both you and the
meat patties warm turns out to violate several health codes.

Your salary just can't support that $200-a-night hooker habit.

Nomination as the Republican Party candidate just one 
big time conflict.

Boss fires your slacker butt after realizing that you're 
not "Herb" after all.

Flame broiled, my ass! (No really, I flame broiled my ass!)

Latest inventory shows chocolate shake supplies usage has tripled 
since you were hired and you need a bigger uniform every three days.

Those "special orders" not only upset you, they 
frickin' piss you off!

You get caught asking customers in the men's room if 
they'd "like to supersize that?"

Supervisor's insistence on hairnets for your armpits 
was the last straw.

Some young punk with just three years on the job steals
your assistant fry boy position.

Just no fun anymore to get liquored up, head for the 
arches and kick some McButt.

Arrested one too many times for using your "built-in 
organic onion ring circumference measuring device."

"No shake for you, Lard Ass!" doesn't really reflect 
your sincere concern about the customer's health.

When you hand out paper crowns to kids, you say, "Here you 
go, now you're the King of the Snot-Nosed Little Bastards!"

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