Chocolate Jokes

Chocolate Jokes



Chocolate Vs Sex

You can get chocolate anytime you want it. 

Good chocolate is easy to find. 

You don't have to beg for chocolate. 

With chocolate, you don't have to fake satisfaction. 

You can safely have chocolate while driving. 

You can have chocolate on your desk without upsetting 
your work-mates 

You can have chocolate any time of the month. 

Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without 
being called nasty names 

You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to 

You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle 

You can have chocolate all weekend and still walk okay on Monday 

Chocolate satisfies, even when it has gone soft 

Chocolate doesn't keep you awake talking after you've had it 

If you bite the nuts too hard, the chocolate doesn't mind 

With chocolate, size doesn't matter, it's always good 

You are never too old or too young for chocolate 

You can have chocolate with little kids and not have to go to jail 

You can ask a stranger for chocolate and not get your face slapped 

You can have chocolate in front of your mother 

The best reason is - chocolate doesn't make you pregnant



  A middle-aged woman took her 3 year old granddaughter called 
Molly out for ice cream. She asked Molly what she wanted.
  Molly said, "I want banilla!"
  The woman said, "Honey, it's *V*anilla.  V not B."
  Molly tried saying it again but it came out VaBanilla.  After 
some coaxing Molly finally said, "Vvvvvvanilla."
  The woman said, "Yes! Now, tell me again what kind of ice 
cream you want!"
  Molly said, "I think I want chocolate."



  Whenever I get a packet of M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue 
the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this 
end, I hold M&M duels.
  Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply 
pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and
splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one 
immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
  I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are 
tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. 
I have hypothesised that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive 
long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern c
andy and snack-food world.
  Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, 
or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this 
proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the 
candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt
to its environment.
  When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the 
strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this
one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to 
M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., along with a 3x5 card 
reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
  This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for
a free 1/2 pound bag of M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I 
have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field 
of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
  There can be only one!!



You know why God is a man?  Because if God was a woman
she would have made sperm taste like chocolate. - Carrie Snow 
 


What does a man have in common with a bar of chocolate?
He's sweet, he's smooth, and he usually goes straight for her hips.



Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she 
can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.



  "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same
reactions in the brain as marijuana.  The researchers also discovered 
other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."



Rules for eating CHOCOLATE 

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands,
you're eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries 
all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home in a hot car. 
- The solution: Eat it in the car park.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge 
off your appetite and you'll eat less.

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. 
Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate 
to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, 
is that a balanced diet?

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Why is there no such organisation as Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because no one wants to quit.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. 
That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of 
calories in one go. Isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.

If you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
Maybe you shouldn't have bought so much! (grin)

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top 
pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. 
You can't let that happen, can you?

 


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