Firefighter Jokes

Firefighter Jokes

  When employees of a restaurant attended a fire-safety seminar, 
they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate
an extinguisher.
  "Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then depress 
the trigger to release the foam."
  Later, an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in 
the parking lot. In their nervousness, they forgot to pull the pin. 
  The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"
  In a burst of confidence, they pulled the pin-and hurled the
extinguisher at the blaze.

  Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out 
section of forest whilst assessing the damage done by a forest 
fire.  The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete 
with a dive tank, flippers and face mask.  A post mortem 
examination revealed that the person died not from burns but from 
massive internal injuries.  Dental records provided a positive
identification. Investigators then set about determining how a 
fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
  It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person went 
for a diving trip off the coast - some 20 kilometers away from 
the forest.  The firefighters, seeking to control the fire as 
quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very 
large buckets.  The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid 
filling, then flown to the forest fire and emptied.
  You guessed it.
  One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific,
the next he was doing a breaststroke in a fire bucket 300m in 
the air.
  Apparently, he extinguished exactly 1.78m (5'10") of the fire.

Why do firemen wear RED suspenders?
To hold up their pants. Duh.

  A paramedic, fire fighter and a police officer are all on a game 
show and the host asks the question, "Who can count to ten?"
  The paramedic rings in first and states, "That's an easy one, 
1-2-3-4-5-BREATH, 1-2-3-4-5-BREATH."
  "No, I'm sorry, that's wrong," the game host says, "Anyone else?"
  The police officer rings in stating that everyone knows how to 
count to ten, "1-2-3-4-5-6-RELOAD, 1-2-3-4-5-6-RELOAD."
  "No, nice try though.  How about you sir?  Do firefighters know 
how to count to ten?"
  "Sure," he says, "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10."
  "Very good!" says the host, "Now, can you count any farther?"
  "Of course I can...much farther," the fire fighter replies. 

  Fire Chief Williams rushed into a burning building and rescued 
a beautiful young lady who was clad in a scanty nightgown.  He 
carried her in his arms down three flights of smoke filled stairs, 
saving her life. As they arrived safely outside, a wave of 
gratitude rushed over her.
  She looked at the fireman with great joy and admiration, then 
said, "Oh, you are quite wonderful!  It must have taken great 
strength and courage to rescue me the way you did."
  "Yes, that's so," the fireman admitted.  "I had to fight off 
three other firemen who were trying to get to you first!"

  My six-year-old is always thinking.  Yesterday a fireman came 
to his school to talk to the kids about fire safety.  As Ian was 
sitting in the tub going over his day with me, he told me about it.
  "The fireman said, 'If you hear a sound like (insert 6-year-old's
rendition of fireman's rendition of the gurgling sound of a
respirator), you shouldn't run and hide, because it's a good thing.
It means that there is a fireman coming to rescue you.'  But I was 
thinking in my head that maybe it's a bad thing, because it means 
your house is on fire."
  He's got a point.

  The old men in the nursing home were talking about the exciting times 
they had been through. One said his most memorable experience was when 
he was a fireman and the women's college dormitory had caught on fire 
and he had to catch scantily-clad co-eds jumping from windows.
  The second man said he most exciting time was when he was a deputy 
sheriff and had a shoot-out with some of the John Dillinger gang.
  The third man said his most exciting time was when he was an undertaker 
and was called to a hotel to pick up a deceased man. He said when he went 
into the room, he noticed the man on his back with a big erection and 
since he didn't want to take the man through the hotel lobby in that 
condition, he hit him hard on the erection with the base of a lamp. 
Then he paused in his story.
  The first man asked, "What was so exciting about that?" 
  The third man replied, "I was in the wrong room."

When does sitting in front of a fire cease to be romantic?
When the trucks get there.

  A little boy was in his house while his mom was cooking.  A fire started 
on the stove.  His mother told him to call 911.  He did and the operator 
asked the little boy, "How do we get there?"
  He responded, "Don't you have red fire trucks?"

  A fire had broken out. The neighborhood kids watched as the fire truck 
pulled up.  High on his usual perch sat the station mascot, a Dalmatian.
The youngsters wondered about the dog's function.
  One said, "He brings the firemen good luck."
  A second said, "He keeps people away so they can work."
  A third kid said, "You guys don't know anything. They use the dog to 
find the fireplug!"

  One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local 
chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went 
out to fire departments from miles around.  After fighting the fire for 
over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief 
and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of 
the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company 
that brings them out safely!"
  As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen 
their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire,
the president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company 
that could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance a 
long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was 
a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To 
everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical 
plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the 
distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of 
their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had 
never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer 
company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.
  Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would double 
the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the 
volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually the president 
asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money?
  The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first
thing we're going to do is fix the damn brakes on that truck!"

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