When employees of a restaurant attended a fire-safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. "Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then depress the trigger to release the foam." Later, an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In their nervousness, they forgot to pull the pin. The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?" In a burst of confidence, they pulled the pin-and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze. Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest whilst assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with a dive tank, flippers and face mask. A post mortem examination revealed that the person died not from burns but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast - some 20 kilometers away from the forest. The firefighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large buckets. The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing a breaststroke in a fire bucket 300m in the air. Apparently, he extinguished exactly 1.78m (5'10") of the fire. Why do firemen wear RED suspenders? To hold up their pants. Duh. A paramedic, fire fighter and a police officer are all on a game show and the host asks the question, "Who can count to ten?" The paramedic rings in first and states, "That's an easy one, 1-2-3-4-5-BREATH, 1-2-3-4-5-BREATH." "No, I'm sorry, that's wrong," the game host says, "Anyone else?" The police officer rings in stating that everyone knows how to count to ten, "1-2-3-4-5-6-RELOAD, 1-2-3-4-5-6-RELOAD." "No, nice try though. How about you sir? Do firefighters know how to count to ten?" "Sure," he says, "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10." "Very good!" says the host, "Now, can you count any farther?" "Of course I can...much farther," the fire fighter replies. "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-Jack-Queen-King-Ace." Fire Chief Williams rushed into a burning building and rescued a beautiful young lady who was clad in a scanty nightgown. He carried her in his arms down three flights of smoke filled stairs, saving her life. As they arrived safely outside, a wave of gratitude rushed over her. She looked at the fireman with great joy and admiration, then said, "Oh, you are quite wonderful! It must have taken great strength and courage to rescue me the way you did." "Yes, that's so," the fireman admitted. "I had to fight off three other firemen who were trying to get to you first!" My six-year-old is always thinking. Yesterday a fireman came to his school to talk to the kids about fire safety. As Ian was sitting in the tub going over his day with me, he told me about it. "The fireman said, 'If you hear a sound like (insert 6-year-old's rendition of fireman's rendition of the gurgling sound of a respirator), you shouldn't run and hide, because it's a good thing. It means that there is a fireman coming to rescue you.' But I was thinking in my head that maybe it's a bad thing, because it means your house is on fire." He's got a point. The old men in the nursing home were talking about the exciting times they had been through. One said his most memorable experience was when he was a fireman and the women's college dormitory had caught on fire and he had to catch scantily-clad co-eds jumping from windows. The second man said he most exciting time was when he was a deputy sheriff and had a shoot-out with some of the John Dillinger gang. The third man said his most exciting time was when he was an undertaker and was called to a hotel to pick up a deceased man. He said when he went into the room, he noticed the man on his back with a big erection and since he didn't want to take the man through the hotel lobby in that condition, he hit him hard on the erection with the base of a lamp. Then he paused in his story. The first man asked, "What was so exciting about that?" The third man replied, "I was in the wrong room." When does sitting in front of a fire cease to be romantic? When the trucks get there. A little boy was in his house while his mom was cooking. A fire started on the stove. His mother told him to call 911. He did and the operator asked the little boy, "How do we get there?" He responded, "Don't you have red fire trucks?" A fire had broken out. The neighborhood kids watched as the fire truck pulled up. High on his usual perch sat the station mascot, a Dalmatian. The youngsters wondered about the dog's function. One said, "He brings the firemen good luck." A second said, "He keeps people away so they can work." A third kid said, "You guys don't know anything. They use the dog to find the fireplug!" One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!" As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, the president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money? The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the damn brakes on that truck!" |
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