Cannibals Jokes

Cannibal Jokes

Toss out I few of these at lunch hour...these are guaranteed gags...

 Someone who is fed up with people.
 One who loves his fellow man with gravy.

What Do You Call A Cannibal Who Eats His Mother's Sister?
An Aunt-Eater.

What Do You Call A Nun After A Cannibal Barbecue?
A Half-Sister!

What Do You Call A Quadriplegic Man Being Cooked By Cannibals?

Hear about the cannibal who gave his girlfriend a box of
Farmer's Fannies?

Hear about the cannibal who had a wife and ate kids?

Hear about the cannibal who loved children?
He just adored the platter of little feet...

Hear about the cannibal who ordered a subscription to 
People magazine because he thought it was a cookbook?

Hear about the cannibal who thinks `Head And Shoulders' 
is an appetizer and the Spice Girls are a banquet?

Did you hear about the cannibals who ate two missionaries? 
Later on they went out to the woods and started an 
ecumenical movement.

Where do cannibals shop for fine furniture?
Eatin' Allen's.

What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.

What's the highlight of a cannibal wedding?
Toasting the happy couple.

  These two cannibals sit down for a meal in a local restaurant. 
The waiter comes up and says, "I'm afraid all we have left is a 
missionary from Prague, but you can share him if you want."
  "Okay," says one of the cannibals, "We'll split the Czech."

Why did the girl stop dating the cannibal?
He just wanted her for her body.

What do cannibals make out of politicians?
Baloney sandwiches.

Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant?
Dinner costs an arm and a leg.

Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food?
He ordered a pizza with everybody on it.

Cannibal's recipe book: 
"How to Serve Your Fellow Man"

One cannibal to another:
"I never met a man I didn't like"

Two cannibals were sitting by a fire.
The first says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law."
The 2nd replies, "So, try the potatoes."

The first cannibal asked the 2nd cannibal, "Aren't you done eating yet?"
The 2nd cannibal replied, "I'm on my last leg now."

What do you call a cannibal who eats his mothers sister?
An Aunt-eater

What do cannibals use ashes from a crematorium as?
Ready-brek or Porridge

I'm not saying she's ugly...
But she turned 3 cannibals into vegetarians

What did the cannibal say when he came upon a sleeping missionary.
Ah! Breakfast in bed!

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?    
Because they taste funny.

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his friend in the woods?

What is a cannibal's favourite type of TV show?
A celebrity roast.

What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.

  A man gets captured by cannibals and every day they poke him with
spears and use his blood to wash down their food.  Finally the guy
calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me
but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks!"

Hear about the bulimic Pentecostal cannibal?
He threw up his hands.

Mommy, Mommy!  Grandma's got a bruise.
Shut up and eat around it!

What do cannibals have for lunch?
Baked beings.

What two words does an cannibal never say to their mate?
"Eat me."

When do cannibals leave the dinner table?
After everyone's eaten.

What did the cannibal do when he saw an 'All you can eat restaurant'? 
He had two waiters and a busboy.

What is the definition of trust?
Two cannibals having oral sex

Why do cannibal cooks prefer to use epileptics when making 
  "southern fried human"?
Once you get them in the Shake n' Bake bag, the rest of the recipe 
  is a piece of cake. 

Why do cannibal cooks prefer to use epileptics when making stew 
  in the big black kettle?
They automatically stir the pot while they're cooking.

  Two cannibals start to eat heir dinner. One starts at the head and 
the other at the feet.  After a while one says to the other, 'How are 
you doin?'
  'Great' says the other 'I'm havin a ball!'
  'Well, then slow down' says the first 'you're eatin too fast!'

What is left on the plate after a cannibal eats the Son of God?
Jesus Crust.

  Two ferocious cannibal chiefs sat licking their fingers after a 
large meal.
  "Your wife makes a delicious roast, "one chief said.  
  "Thanks," his friend said, "I'm sure gonna miss her."

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped.

What's the most favorite game at cannibal parties?
Swallow the leader

 Mother cannibal and son cannibal were sitting by a fire. The son
whinws, "Ma, look, dad has a wart."
  His mother replies, "So eat around it."

  It's a beautiful day in the cannibal tribe when an airplane flies
over their heads.
  A young cannibal asks his father, "Father, Father, what is that big 
thing that just flew over our heads?"
  "Well son," replies the father, "it's like a bannana. You only eat 
the inside."

  An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a
malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, the Pepsi Company sent 
a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals.
They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew 
anything about the crash.
  The Chief said, "You Bet!"
  When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, 
and we drank the Pepsi."
  The Rescue crew were shocked. One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"
  The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi."
  Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"
  The Chief replied, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."
  After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did, their...'things'?"
  The chief says, "No."
  "No?" asked the rescuer.
  "No," replied the Chief, "THINGS go better with Coke."

  An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded 
by a blood thirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, 
he says  quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm doomed."
  There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out,
"No my son, you  are NOT doomed. Pick up that stone at your feet and 
bash in the head of the  chief standing in front of you."
  So the explorer picks up the stone and attacks the chief, feverishly
bashing at his head with all his strength. He stands above the lifeless
body, breathing heavily and surrounded  by 100 cannibals with a look of
shock on their faces.
   The voice booms out again, "Okay...NOW you're doomed."

  Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile
cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under
it, and leave them there.  A few minutes later, one of the missionaries
starts to laugh uncontrollably.  The other missionary can't believe it!
  He says, "What's wrong with you?  We're being boiled alive! They're 
gonna eat us!  What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
  The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup."

  Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out
and get something to eat.  They walked deep into the jungle and waited
by a path. 
  Before long, along came this little old man.  The son said, "Ooh dad,
there's one." 
  "No," said the father.  "There's not enough meat on that one to even
feed the dogs.  We'll just wait." 
  Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man.  The son
said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." 
  "No," the father said.  "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat 
in that one.  We'll just wait." 
  About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The 
son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her." 
  "No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either." 
  "Why not?" asked the son. 
  "Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother." 

  Two cannibals were walking through the jungle talking when the first 
mentioned to the second that he had a stomach ache.
  The second cannibal asked, "Well, did you eat anything out of the 
ordinary lately?"
  The first thought a moment before replying, "No, all I've eaten 
recently was a missionary."
  The second said, "Hmmm... how did you cook him?"
  "I boiled him as usual," replied the first.
  The second asked, "Was he wearing a black robe with a white collar?"
  "No," replied the first.  "He was short, fat, balding, and wore a 
brown robe with a rope for a belt."
  "Ah ha!" exclaimed the second cannibal. "There's your problem...
you shouldn't have boiled him. That was a friar!"

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