SysAdmin Jokes

SysAdmin Jokes



Signs You Might Be A Sysadmin

You see a bumper sticker that says "Users are Losers" and you have 
no idea it is referring to drugs.

Your sleep schedule is similar to that of the great horned owl.

You make more than all of the MBAs you know who actually finished college.

You have enough computing power in your house or apartment to render
obscene pictures of upper management people.

Your idea of a social event is going to a Non-Disclosure Discussion.

The last time you wore a tie was your high school graduation.

The last time you kissed someone was in high school.

"What?  No raise?  No Backups, then!"

You have a vanity plate on your car that names part of the 
Unix File System.

You have ever uttered the phrase "I will be working from home today 
so I can avoid wearing pants."

 


The life of a sysadmin goes approximately as follows.

8am: Your pager goes off and wakes you up. The message says it's the
office, and it's a crisis. You roll out of bed moaning.

8:15am: You are now sufficiently awake to phone the office. Your pager
has gone off three times already. You get through to the office and the
receptionist is frantic. She says nobody in the entire office can print
and they have a major proposal that has to be faxed out before 9am and
if it isn't the company could lose a million dollars in new business.
You try to get her to explain what's wrong, but she's incoherent.

8:30am: You're dressed in yesterday's dirty clothes (they were all you
could find in time) and running out the door, sipping a Jolt cola and
hailing a cab to the office.

8:45am: You arrive at the office.

8:46am: You determine that the problem is that the printer is turned
off, and you turn it back on. 10,000 pages spew out from the hundreds of
multiple failed attempts by all of your coworkers to print.

8:47am: Your boss reams you out for "not having fixed that printer
problem last time when you said it was all taken care of. You spend the
next hour explaining that there's nothing you can do to stop people from
turning off the printer if they *really* want to. You don't bother to
mention that you happen to know that the person who did it is your
boss's spouse.

9:45ish: You finally convince your boss to release you and make your way
to your office, assaulted all along the way by people demanding that you
must help them fix things right now that you know are going to take
weeks and really aren't priority.

10am: You finally arrive at your office and shut and lock the door to
keep out the users. You start to read the 40 or so email messages you
find waiting every morning, which include about 5 new requests, 34 or so
messages demanding to know why such and such hasn't gotten done yet, and
one message from your boss denying your request to have an assistant and
demanding that you justify how you spend your time yet again.

10:30am: You realize that you're never going to finish getting through
your email if you keep getting interrupted by these damned telephone
calls from the same people who sent you the email asking the same
questions, so you put your phone on do-not-disturb and go back to your
email.

11am: You've just finished responding to all of your email, including
the umpteen millionth justification of your existence for your boss.
Unfortunately, the secretary has figured out how to order the phone
system to override your do-not-disturb on your phone, and is now routing
all the angry phone calls from your coworkers to you.

11:30am: You finish talking to everyone on the phone and calming them
down.

11:30am-4:30pm: You work your ass off on whatever projects have the most
urgency to the company. Usually this involves a lot of work with
software, crawling around on the floor several times, tearing a hole in
your clothing, and banging your head (hard) on the bottom of a desk.

3pm: You have your lunch delivered to your office.

4:30pm: You finally get to touch your lunch, and realize that Burger
King french fries do not taste good cold. You're on about your 15th coke
since arriving in the office.

4:35pm: Your lunch is over. You're not finished eating, but your boss
has just phoned you (he knows how to override the DND on the phone too)
and demanded that you drop everything and go fix some asinine problem
which you know is caused by the user and which you fix every week and
which you have warned the user about but about which they just don't
listen.

6:30pm: You finish the project your boss set you to and decide to try to
sneak out of the office and go home. (Not that you have a social life or
anything, but you haven't had 8 hours sleep in a month and a half.) In
the elevator on the way out of the office you encounter a coworker, who
grabs you by the ear and drags you back to the office to fix something
that's bugging them.

6:30pm-8pm: Somehow, despite repeated attempts to leave, the moment you
try to actually do so, someone else appears to force you to work.

8pm: You're about to depart when you're suddenly informed that there's
some vitally urgent data processing that has to be done and that only
you know how to do and which can't be performed until all of the data
entry people have left for the night at 10pm.

8pm-10pm: You try to nap in your office but the phone keeps ringing so
you finally give up and put in several more hours of working.

10pm: You try to do your data processing but can't because there are
still people logged into the data acquisition system. You spend the next
fifteen minutes running around begging them to log out, and they reply
that "yeah, I'll be out in a minute..."

10:20pm: You get sick of waiting, walk over to the server console, issue
commands to kick off all the users, and disable logins.

10:30pm-2:30am: You perform that data processing which nobody else could
do because they won't let you teach them because they know what kind of
hours you have to put in doing it.

Midnight: Your blood turns to coca-cola.

2:30am: You realize that the data processing isn't QUITE done but you're
about to pass out so you re-enable logins so you won't get paged about
THAT in the morning, scrounge a taxi voucher out of your desk (they've
given you your own pad because you use them so often), call a taxi, and
leave the building.

2:45am-3:15am: You freeze your ass off waiting for a taxi.

3:15am-3:30am: The taxi takes you home. The driver seems to have decided
to take the scenic route for the hell of it.

3:31am: You collapse in a heap on your bed and fall asleep face down
with your shoes on the pillows and your clothes still on because you're
too tired to remove your clothes or even orient yourself properly on the
bed.

8:00am: Your pager goes off.

Repeat ad nauseum until your boss doesn't like your response to one of
his "justify your existence" demands and fires you or you die of caffeine
poisoning. Oh, and don't bother factoring in any weekends or holidays:
You'll be expected to work those too.

Now do you have some slight understanding of why I don't like being a
sysadmin? I *really* lived like this for about a year. I'm amazed I
survived it.




Santa is a Sys Admin

I was musing on similarities between Santa Claus and system
administrators.  Consider:

1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.

2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving 
what you wanted are infinitesimal.

3. Santa seldom answers your mail.

4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he's got, he
says, "Elves make it for me."

5. Santa doesn't care about your deadlines.

6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but 
did all the work themselves.

7. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.

8. Santa laughs entirely too much.

9. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME.

10. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.




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