Two IBM salesmen were driving down a country road at high speed and passed a pickup truck with an old couple inside. "Look at those fools, pa! Must be a couple of IBM salesman and they will surely meet their maker soon, I tell you." Well, sure enough, a little while later the couple comes across a bad accident involving the two IBM salesmen. "Well maw, we got to do what any good folk would do and give em a decent burial." So the couple dug a hole and buried the IBM salesman. Just as they were putting their tools away, a cop drives up. "You folks see this accident?" "No sir, but we knew them dang fools were going to have it when they passed us doing a hunert miles an hour. Well, we finally come across the accident and gave them IBM salesman a decent burial" "You were sure that they were dead??" "Well, they said they weren't, but you know how those IBM salesmen exaggerate!" "You know my brother belongs to a cult. Yea, they walk alike, they talk alike, they look alike, they act alike, they dress alike. You may have heard of them..........IBM" This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) Mouse Balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be harder and larger than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending on the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist off method. Mouse Balls are usually not static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items. To reorder, specify one of the following: It was actually an April Fool's joke. The IBMer who wrote it intended it for internal IBM use only, and thus left the correct phone numbers in the memo (the original one, not the truncated one posted here). The poor guy was _most_ distressed to find customers calling him all day long... What's the difference between IBM and Jurassic Park? One is a fantasy theme park populated with dinosaurs, and the other is a movie. What IBM really stands for... I Blame Mathematics I Breaks Monthly I Bring Madness I Broke Mine I Built Mine I bring manuals I'd Be Misinforming I'd Buy Macintosh I'll Buy Macintosh I'm Being Manipulated I'm Beyond Mistakes I'm Buying Macintosh I've Become Magnanimous I've Been Mangled I've Been Mauled I've Been Mesmerized I've Been Misled Ici Beaucoup Merde Iconoclastic Bilateral Monopoly Icons Bygones My Mom's Idealistically Backwards Microcomputers Ideas Bring Money Idiots Became Managers Idiots Being Mental Idle Brain Malfunction Idiots Built Me Ifs Buts Maybys Ill'manners Being Mandatory Ill-mannered Besotten Macrocasm Illustrious Bankruptcy Malenfactor Illustrious Busy Mice Imbecile Bad Micros Imensa Bola De Manteca Imitable Boring Microcomputers Immeasurable Bigheaded Malapert Immovable Brash Monolith Impeccably Blue-dressed Managers Imperial Bellicose Marauder Imperialist by Marketing Impersonal Bellicose Magnate Impious Bacchnalain Metropolis In Business (for) Money Inadequates Becoming Millionaires Inane Brutish Merchandising Incompatible Blue Machines Inconsistent Business machines Incontinent Bandolerisimo Moloch Increasingly Bad Manufacturing Increasingly Banal Movement Incredible Bowel Movement Incredibly Bad Merchandising Incredibly Ballsey Marketeers Incredibly Belligerent Merketing Incredibly Big Manufacturer Incredibly Big Monster Incredibly Bloody Minded Incredibly Boastful Mercenary Incredibly Boring Manuals Incredibly Broad Monolopy Incredibly Bullying Menace Indecision Breeds Mistakes Indecorous Big-named Medusoid Indigestion Bothers Me Industry Bowel Movement Industry's Biggest Mistake Industry's Bulging Monolith Inept Bulling Menace Inevitably Bad Marketing Inferior Before Macintosh Infernal Biggest Mistake Infernal Blue Machines Infinite Budget Merchandising Infinitely Baffling Motives Inherently Bad Manuals Innovation By Management Insanely Better Marketing Insensitivity Begets Mediocrity Inshallah Burak Ma'lesh Insidious Byzantine Mentality Insignificant Bothersome Machine Insipidly Bankrolling Millions Insolent Bickering Mal-der-mer Install Bigger Memory Insulting Boorish Manner Insultingly Boring Microcomputers Intensely Boring Machines Intentionally Braindamaged Machinery Interesting But Mediocre Interesting But Mundane Intergalactic Bottomline Mistake Internals By Mediocrity International Bit Mangler International Bowel Movement Intersmashable Byte manipulators Into Building Money Intriguingly Blue Motif Invented By Maladroits Invented By Marketing Invented By Murphy Irresponsibility Behaved Multinational It Broke Be It's Become Monolithic It's Been Malfunctioning It's Better 'morrow It's Better Manually It's Beyond Monolithic It's Broke Ma'am It's Bugging Me It's Bullshit Mommery Itty Bitty Machines Itty Bitty Mentality Itty Bitty Mouse Itty Bity Maharishi Intercourse Beats Masturbation |
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