IBM Jokes

IBM Jokes



  Two IBM salesmen were driving down a country road at high speed and 
passed a pickup truck with an old couple inside.
  "Look at those fools, pa!  Must be a couple of IBM salesman and they 
will surely meet their maker soon, I tell you."
  Well, sure enough, a little while later the couple comes across a bad
accident involving the two IBM salesmen.
  "Well maw, we got to do what any good folk would do and give em a 
decent burial."
  So the couple dug a hole and buried the IBM salesman.  Just as they 
were putting their tools away, a cop drives up.
  "You folks see this accident?"
  "No sir, but we knew them dang fools were going to have it when they
passed us doing a hunert miles an hour.  Well, we finally come across 
the accident and gave them IBM salesman a decent burial"
  "You were sure that they were dead??"
  "Well, they said they weren't, but you know how those IBM salesmen
exaggerate!"



  "You know my brother belongs to a cult. Yea, they walk alike, they talk
alike, they look alike, they act alike, they dress alike. You may have 
heard of them..........IBM"



  This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to 
all IBM Branch Offices. 

Abstract:  Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)

  Mouse Balls are now available as FRU.  Therefore, if a mouse 
fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need 
a ball replacement.  Because of the delicate nature of this 
procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted 
by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the 
type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse.  
Domestic balls will be harder and larger than foreign balls.  
Ball removal procedures differ depending on the manufacturer of 
the mouse.  Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method.  
Domestic balls are replaced using the twist off method.  Mouse Balls 
are usually not static sensitive.  However, excessive handling can 
result in sudden discharge.  Upon completion of ball replacement, the 
mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer 
have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer 
satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should 
suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.
  To reorder, specify one of the following:

 It was actually an April Fool's joke. The IBMer who wrote it intended 
it for internal IBM use only, and thus left the correct phone numbers 
in the memo (the original one, not the truncated one posted here). 
The poor guy was _most_ distressed to find customers calling him all 
day long...



What's the difference between IBM and Jurassic Park?
One is a fantasy theme park populated with dinosaurs, 
and the other is a movie.



What IBM really stands for...

I Blame Mathematics
I Breaks Monthly
I Bring Madness
I Broke Mine
I Built Mine
I bring manuals
I'd Be Misinforming
I'd Buy Macintosh
I'll Buy Macintosh
I'm Being Manipulated
I'm Beyond Mistakes
I'm Buying Macintosh
I've Become Magnanimous
I've Been Mangled
I've Been Mauled
I've Been Mesmerized
I've Been Misled
Ici Beaucoup Merde
Iconoclastic Bilateral Monopoly
Icons Bygones My Mom's
Idealistically Backwards Microcomputers
Ideas Bring Money
Idiots Became Managers
Idiots Being Mental
Idle Brain Malfunction
Idiots Built Me
Ifs Buts Maybys
Ill'manners Being Mandatory
Ill-mannered Besotten Macrocasm
Illustrious Bankruptcy Malenfactor
Illustrious Busy Mice
Imbecile Bad Micros
Imensa Bola De Manteca
Imitable Boring Microcomputers
Immeasurable Bigheaded Malapert
Immovable Brash Monolith
Impeccably Blue-dressed Managers
Imperial Bellicose Marauder
Imperialist by Marketing
Impersonal Bellicose Magnate
Impious Bacchnalain Metropolis
In Business (for) Money
Inadequates Becoming Millionaires
Inane Brutish Merchandising
Incompatible Blue Machines
Inconsistent Business machines
Incontinent Bandolerisimo Moloch
Increasingly Bad Manufacturing
Increasingly Banal Movement
Incredible Bowel Movement
Incredibly Bad Merchandising
Incredibly Ballsey Marketeers
Incredibly Belligerent Merketing
Incredibly Big Manufacturer
Incredibly Big Monster
Incredibly Bloody Minded
Incredibly Boastful Mercenary
Incredibly Boring Manuals
Incredibly Broad Monolopy
Incredibly Bullying Menace
Indecision Breeds Mistakes
Indecorous Big-named Medusoid
Indigestion Bothers Me
Industry Bowel Movement
Industry's Biggest Mistake
Industry's Bulging Monolith
Inept Bulling Menace
Inevitably Bad Marketing
Inferior Before Macintosh
Infernal Biggest Mistake
Infernal Blue Machines
Infinite Budget Merchandising
Infinitely Baffling Motives
Inherently Bad Manuals
Innovation By Management
Insanely Better Marketing
Insensitivity Begets Mediocrity
Inshallah Burak Ma'lesh
Insidious Byzantine Mentality
Insignificant Bothersome Machine
Insipidly Bankrolling Millions
Insolent Bickering Mal-der-mer
Install Bigger Memory
Insulting Boorish Manner
Insultingly Boring Microcomputers
Intensely Boring Machines
Intentionally Braindamaged Machinery
Interesting But Mediocre
Interesting But Mundane
Intergalactic Bottomline Mistake
Internals By Mediocrity
International Bit Mangler
International Bowel Movement
Intersmashable Byte manipulators
Into Building Money
Intriguingly Blue Motif
Invented By Maladroits
Invented By Marketing
Invented By Murphy
Irresponsibility Behaved Multinational
It Broke Be
It's Become Monolithic
It's Been Malfunctioning
It's Better 'morrow
It's Better Manually
It's Beyond Monolithic
It's Broke Ma'am
It's Bugging Me
It's Bullshit Mommery
Itty Bitty Machines
Itty Bitty Mentality
Itty Bitty Mouse
Itty Bity Maharishi
Intercourse Beats Masturbation




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