Payne Stewart Jokes

Payne Stewart Jokes

What is Payne Stewart's handicap?
His flight crew.

The New Payne Stewart Flight Simulator:
Only runs on autopilot
Screen goes blank soon after take off
Runs for 4 hours then crashes.

Monica Lewinsky and Payne Stewart
 - they both wore ugly hats and they both went down.

  Pro golfer Payne Stewart's Lear jet left Orlando FL headed for 
Dallas TX, but for unknown reasons headed northwest, *way* off course
and crashed in South Dakota.
  My first thought as a golfer was 'so is that a hook, or a slice?'

How does Payne Stewart's jet depressurize?
When it gets a hole in one.

How did he know his plane was in trouble??
It started going putt.. putt.. putt...putt...putt... putt

Biggest divot he ever left!

Unlike his Golf Balls,
Payne did not stay in the air very long!

Obviously Payne Stewart won the golf tournament...
He finished 6 under.

Where can you find Payne Stewart's new line of clothing?
All over South Dakota.

The plane with Payne crashes mainly in the plains.

Stewart's last words?
Hey, what does this latch do?

Teed off in Florida, hole's in Texas, landed in South Dakota...

Does South Dakota count as the rough?

What does Big Bird and Payne Stewart have in common?
Both are goofy looking and neither one can fly.

Uh oh, Payne Stewart's driver has gone cold...
He's as good as dead.

If a birdie is 1 under and an eagle 2 under...
Is a Lear worth 5 under?

Why didn't Payne Stewart win more championships.
Prefers to work under pressure!

Payne Stewart is obviously a better driver than his pilot!

What was the furthest hole-in-one in pro golf history?
Payne Stewart: 1,479 nautical miles (from Orlando, Florida to Mina,
South Dakota)

Plane troubles???
Mechanic said "I guess that the plane wasn't up to par"

What's the difference between Jimmy Stewart and Payne Stewart?
Jimmy Stewart knew how to fly a plane.

It's a shame about Payne Stewart, going from the most recognizable 
figure in professional golf to the most unrecognizable in so short
a time.

Payne's last words..."I should have used my driver!"

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