The Muppets Jokes

The Muppets Jokes



Why does Miss Piggy douche with oil and vinegar?
Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.


What do you get when you cross Popeye with Pee Wee Herman?
Creamed spinach.


How does Kermit resemble a rock star?
They both enjoy fucking pigs.


What do you have when you have two little green balls in your hand? 
kermit's undivided attention! 


What is green, slimy and smells like miss piggy?
Kermit`s finger.



IMPORTANT BREAKING SESAME STREET NEWS!
 AP Online
 AP 10/01 2:55 EDT V055
NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, the famed friendly muppet of Sesame 
Street, has apparently gone on a rampage. Several muppets are 
known to be dead; including Prarie Dawn, Oscar the Grouch, and 
Bert -- long time friend, room- mate, and occasional lover of 
Ernie. The bird is now reportedly holding Maria hostage in a 
five floor tenement near Hooper's Store. New York City Police 
SWAT teams have surrounded the building.


AP 10/01 4:26 EDT V743
NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, Sesame Street muppet, is reported 
dead at this hour after an hour-and-a-half hostage standoff 
with New York City Police. Kermit-The-Frog, Seseme Street 
Muppet on the scene, reports that as police stormed the five 
story tenament building where the bird was holding Maria
hostage, Big Bird flew out an upper story window at them in 
a Kamikaze-like attack. Police SWAT units brought down the 
bird in a hail of automatic weapons fire. Dead are: Prairie 
Dawn, Oscar the Grouch, Bert, and Big Bird. There is no 
information available concerning Maria.


AP 10/01 8:47 EDT V246
NEW YORK (AP) -- The Professor and his assistant, Beaker, 
muppet chemists, have reportedly found angel dust in Big 
Bird's feed. Big Bird was killed by Police early this 
morning after the bird went on a killing spree on Sesame
Street. Maria, taken hostage during the ordeal, has 
survived unharmed. Three muppets were killed by the bird: 
Prarie Dawn (a friendly, pig-tailed muppet girl-child), 
Oscar the Grouch (a green garbage-can dwelling grumpy 
muppet) and Bert (the famous gay paper clip collector and 
pigeon friend). Authorities in the area report that the 
bad seed was purchased at the local Hooper's.


AP 10/01 11:15 EDT V543
NEW YORK (AP) -- Police are asking all motorists and humans 
to stay away from Seseme Street today as tensions are running 
high among the muppets. Many reportedly are outraged at the 
tainted food supply and at how the police handled the hostage 
situation. According to bystanders on the scene at the time, 
Mr. Snuffalupagus pleaded with police to be allowed to talk
Big Bird down. Instead, police stormed the building with 
deadly results. Ernie is said to be despondent at the loss 
of his good buddy Bert.


AP 10/01 17:25 EDT V927
NEW YORK (AP) -- Violence erupted again on Sesame Street at 
five o'clock this afternoon. As thousands of humans driving 
home took a sightseeing tour of the scene of Big Bird's 
deadly rampage, muppets became enraged. Hundreds of muppets, 
large and small, stalked the streets and surrounded humans 
in their cars. In at least one case, ten muppets pulled a 
motorist from his car and beat him with large, styrofome 
letters. Police again arrived on the scene in force. At this 
hour, quiet is restored -- but tensions are very high.


AP 10/02 0:47 EDT V211
NEW YORK (AP) -- Police and fire units have been called to 
Sesame Street. Reporters on the scene describe a nightmarish 
atmosphere. Furry muppets ranging in size from only inches 
to seven feet in height are looting Hooper's Store and fire
bombing the entire neighborhood. Orange and blue firelight 
is rising over many buildings. Cardboard backdrops, props, 
and storehouses full of numbers and letters are burning to 
the ground. Muppets are taunting firemen and police from 
windows high above the street with counting and alphabet 
songs.


AP 10/02 9:24 EDT V482
NEW YORK (AP) -- Morning light has brought an eerie calm to 
Sesame Street after a night of rioting. Smoke rises from most 
buildings. On the street, lifeless, crumpled fur lies in mute 
testiment of the night of wild outrage. Unknown numbers of 
muppets have died or been shot to death by Police in full 
riot gear. Here and there, a muppet--still animated with 
life--can be seen staring at the wreckage, or sweeping 
vacantly at the rubble. The Count was reported running down 
the street crying and yelling, :"Ten, Ten Lifeless Mupput 
Bodies!" No humans were killed in the rioting, although
several people reported rug-burns.


AP 10/03 15:35 EDT V335
NEW YORK (AP) -- Ernie, gay friend and roommate of the 
murdered muppet Bert, broke his two day silence today 
with a eulogy address at a mass muppet funeral. The 
following is the complete transcript of his address:
  "I come here today to honor a man I loved. A man who 
was loved by millions thoughout the world. Bert was a 
giant among muppets. His paper-clip collection was 
viewed with awe by many of the world's leaders. Just 
one year ago, as President Clinton campaigned on Sesame 
Street for the muppet vote, it was Bert who everone 
turned to for advice. It was Bert who told us all, 
"Anyone who can hang as many paperclips together as 
Bill Clinton, can certainly run the country."
  I also come here today to honor Big Bird. Bird was 
such a loving creature. His large size and bright color 
alarmed many who first met him, but it was his innocent 
and curious nature which taught us all to love him. 
Bird wouldn't have wanted us to remember him, or to 
memorialize him, with violence. All he ever wanted was 
for all creatures to "just get along" with each other. 
Big Bird has come to a bad end, friends, but it wasn't 
his fault. It was just some bad seed.




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