Madonna Jokes

Madonna Jokes

What do Madonna's left leg & right leg have in common?
Nothing. They've never met.

Doesn't it seem ironic that Madonna actually sang, "Like a Virgin"?
That's like a vegetarian who scarfs hamburgers...

Did you know that Madonna is coming out with a country-western song?
It's called "Itchy, Twitchy, Twat!"

It's just been announced they are putting Madonna on a stamp.
The stamp has a very special feature -- after you lick it, 
it licks you back.

"Momma always said life's like a night with Madonna.
You never know what'll end up with."

How are Madonna's boyfriends like car tires?
They're chosen for their ride, they get rotated on a regular 
basis, and she always has a spare.

On the NBC special "When Stars Were Kids" a video of Madonna at 
her first communion was shown. Now, it seems if they really wanted 
to get ratings they would have shown Madonna's first confession!

If she ever has twin boys, she can name them Neil and Bob.

I like Leno's take on Madonna's pregnancy. When it was pointed out 
to Jay Leno that Madonna wanted to have a baby because she felt her 
biological clock was ticking, Leno said "Now there's a clock that 
takes a licking and keeps on ticking..."

Madonna said that she didn't care if it is a boy or a girl, 
just as long as it was bisexual.

I hear Madonna's lover has been arrested...
and charged with having an offensive person on his weapon!!

The Material Girl is now the Maternity Girl - if she got pregnant 
in late March she could have her child on Christmas Day -- setting 
a new world record for irony wrapped in swaddling irreverence.

What are the chances of Madonna being named "Mother of the Year?"
About the same as Michael Jackson becoming a Big Brother.

On Madonna: "Madonna is just as bad as Michael Jackson. She is such 
a big talent, but she behaves like a streetwalker." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

What's the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?
One's a busy ditch.

Why is Madonna filming a concert in Australia?
She likes to perform down under.

What does Madonna consider formal wear?
Any time her tits are inside her dress.

What's the difference between a used car, Madonna and Bob Dole?
One's an old Dart, one's an old tart, and the other is an old fart.

What's the new documentary about Madonna going to be called?
Missionary Position Impossible.

Answer:  Liquor cabinet.
Question:  What's the first thing Madonna would do as President?

How's Madonna similar to breakfast pastries?
They're both pop tarts.

What is the difference between a Madonna video and a porno flick?
Some pornos actually have good sound tracks.


How did Madonna get electrocuted?
She blew a fuse.

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