Elvis Presley Jokes

Elvis Presley Jokes



  What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today?
  Scratching like hell to get out of that box. 
  
  
  What do Elvis Presley and Al Gore have in common?
  They've both been reported alive recently.
  
  

JESUS and ELVIS - Coincidence, or Cosmic Plan?
  
 JESUS is the Lord's shepherd.
 ELVIS dated Cybill Shepherd.
  
 JESUS was a carpenter.
 ELVIS' favorite high school class was wood shop.
  
 JESUS was part of the Trinity.
 ELVIS' very first band was a trio.
  
 JESUS' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
 ELVIS' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
  
 JESUS is a Capricorn. (December 25)
 ELVIS is a Capricorn. (January 8)
  
 JESUS was the lamb of God.
 ELVIS had mutton chop sideburns.
  
 JESUS was first and foremost the Son of God.
 ELVIS first recorded with Sun Studios, performing what are 
 still considered to be his foremost recordings.
   
 JESUS' Father is everywhere.
 ELVIS' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.
  
 JESUS said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink."
 (John7:37)
 ELVIS said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM:1957)
  
 JESUS fasted for 40 days and nights.
 ELVIS had irregular eating habits. (eg: 5 banana splits for breakfast)
  
 JESUS said: "Man shall not live by bread alone."
 ELVIS liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas. 
  
 Matthew was one of JESUS' many biographers. (The Gospel According to
 Matthew)
 Neil Matthews was one of ELVIS' many biographers. (Elvis: A Golden
 Tribute)
  
 "JESUS' countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow."
   (Matthew 28:3)
 ELVIS wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts. 
  
 JESUS said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39)
 ELVIS said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA 1956)
  
 JESUS walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
 ELVIS surfed on water. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount:1965)
  
 Mary, an important woman in JESUS' life, had an Immaculate Conception.
 Priscilla, an important woman in ELVIS' life, attended Immaculate
 Conception High School.
  
 JESUS H. CHRIST has 12 letters.
 ELVIS PRESLEY has 12 letters.
  
 No one knows what the "H" in "JESUS H. Christ" stood for.
 No one was really sure if ELVIS' middle name was "Aron" or "Aaron".
  
 JESUS wore a crown of thorns.
 ELVIS wore Royal Crown hair styler.
  
 JESUS had his famous Resurrection.
 ELVIS had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
  
 JESUS lived in a state of grace, in a Near Eastern land.
 ELVIS lived in Graceland, in a nearly eastern state.
  
 JESUS dies in the book of John...
 ELVIS died in the john.
 


ELVIS VERSUS GODZILLA -- SEPARATED AT BIRTH?

Could Godzilla, the King of Monsters and Elvis, The King, 
be one and the same?  You be the judge.

Nickname
 Godzilla:  King of Monsters
 Elvis:     King of Rock

Year Career Started
 Godzilla:  1954
 Elvis:     1954

Species
 Godzilla:  Giant lizard
 Elvis:     Giant lounge lizard

Social Order
 Godzilla:  Hangs with freaks
 Elvis:     Had Michael Jackson for son-in-law

Famous Bug Battles
 Godzilla:  Fought giant caterpillar Mothra
 Elvis:     Outlasted the Beatles

Vocal Quirks
 Godzilla:  Terrible dubbing of his movies
 Elvis:     Never could lip-synch

Eating Habits
 Godzilla:  Would eat anything
 Elvis:     Would eat anything fried

Attire
 Godzilla:  Played by fat man in rubber suit
 Elvis:     Was fat man in polyester suit

Alien Encounters
 Godzilla:  Travelled past Jupiter for Godzilla vs. Monster Zero
 Elvis:     Was believed to be aboard alien spacecraft on
            Independence Day

Crusades
 Godzilla:  Fought pollution in Godzilla vs. Smog Monster
 Elvis:     Absorbed all forms of pollution into his own body

Farewell
 Godzilla:  Has eaten the building
 Elvis:     Has eaten everything in the building




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