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What do you get when you cross an unemployed hen with Ellen Degeneres? A couple of chicks that don't do dick. Number one thing not to say to your mother on Mother's day. Funny you should mention that 'Ellen' episode, there is something I have been meaning to tell you. Q: What's the difference between Will Rogers and Ellen Degeneres? A: Will Rogers never met a man he DIDN'T like. I'm waiting for the elevator in a Hollywood office building. The elevator doors open and there stands Ellen and a beautiful woman. I ask, "Going down?" Ellen replies, "No, we were just talking." Q.> What did Ellen Degeneres say to Kathy Lee Gifford? A.> Can I be "Frank" with you? Now that the sitcoms of Brett Butler and Ellen DeGeneres have both been cancelled by ABC, the two stars are going to team up on a new sitcom. The name of the show...Grace Under Ellen! Q.> Did you hear about the Ellen Degeneres' Christmas Special? A.> She was planning to do a few Carols... The Top 15 Surprises on the Special Episode of "Ellen" 15> Episode pre-empted in Birmingham, Alabama, for weekly showing of Deliverance. 14> Ellen's not gay at all! He's just a lonely guy who wanted to get in the sack with Laura Dern. 13> Unable to "fight biology," Ellen quits the book store to become a gym teacher. 12> In surprise ending, Laura Dern is devoured by jealous female Tyrannosaurus Rex. 11> Ralph Reed guests as a recruiter from The Citadel. 10> "Coming up next... a *VERY* special "Blossom." 9> Ellen makes an impassioned plea for recognizing homosexuals as normal people, then, to prove her point, she goes berserk and Uzi's a Wendy's. 8> Ellen's not only a lesbian -- she's also the Lesbian Club president. 7> The name of the show is changed to "Hot Girl-Girl Action!" 6> Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson get into a fistfight over who gets to throw the first stone. 5> Special cameo appearance by Jerry Mathers as The Beaver. 4> Daisy Duck admits to a shocked Michael Eisner that she's never REALLY been attracted to Donald. 3> OMIGOD! Ellen's GAY?!?!? Why hasn't this been in the news?? 2> New, openly gay Ellen can *STILL* date Michael Jackson. 1> Entire episode sponsored by Duracell and Snap-On Tools. |
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