Ellen Jokes

Ellen Jokes

   


What do you get when you cross an unemployed hen 
   with Ellen Degeneres?
A couple of chicks that don't do dick.



Number one thing not to say to your mother on Mother's day.
Funny you should mention that 'Ellen' episode, there is 
something I have been meaning to tell you.



Q: What's the difference between Will Rogers and Ellen
   Degeneres?
A: Will Rogers never met a man he DIDN'T like.



  I'm waiting for the elevator in a Hollywood office building.
The elevator doors open and there stands Ellen and a beautiful
woman.
  I ask, "Going down?"
  Ellen replies, "No, we were just talking."



Q.>  What did Ellen Degeneres say to Kathy Lee Gifford?
A.>  Can I be "Frank" with you?



Now that the sitcoms of Brett Butler and Ellen DeGeneres have 
both been cancelled by ABC, the two stars are going to team up 
on a new sitcom. The name of the show...Grace Under Ellen!



Q.>  Did you hear about the Ellen Degeneres' Christmas Special?
A.>  She was planning to do a few Carols...



The Top 15 Surprises on the Special Episode of "Ellen"  
  
15> Episode pre-empted in Birmingham, Alabama, for weekly showing 
    of Deliverance.  
  
14> Ellen's not gay at all!  He's just a lonely guy who wanted to 
    get in the sack with Laura Dern.  
  
13> Unable to "fight biology," Ellen quits the book store to become
    a gym teacher.  
  
12> In surprise ending, Laura Dern is devoured by jealous female
    Tyrannosaurus Rex.  
  
11> Ralph Reed guests as a recruiter from The Citadel.  
  
10> "Coming up next... a *VERY* special "Blossom."  
  
 9> Ellen makes an impassioned plea for recognizing homosexuals as
    normal people, then, to prove her point, she goes berserk and 
    Uzi's a Wendy's.  
  
 8> Ellen's not only a lesbian -- she's also the Lesbian Club 
    president.  
  
 7> The name of the show is changed to "Hot Girl-Girl Action!"  
  
 6> Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson get into a fistfight over who
    gets to throw the first stone.  
  
 5> Special cameo appearance by Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.  
  
 4> Daisy Duck admits to a shocked Michael Eisner that she's never
    REALLY been attracted to Donald.  
  
 3> OMIGOD!  Ellen's GAY?!?!?  Why hasn't this been in the news??  
  
 2> New, openly gay Ellen can *STILL* date Michael Jackson.  
  
 1> Entire episode sponsored by Duracell and Snap-On Tools.  



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