Boss Jokes

Boss Jokes

  There are some pretty tough sales managers out there.  
While Sales Representative Davis was in Wyoming last month, he 
was snowbound by a blizzard.  He wired his home office, "Can't 
travel for a week. I'm snowbound and can't get out." 
  The Sales Manager wired back, "Davis, start your vacation."

What is the difference between a battery and my boss?
A battery has a positive side!

When is your boss like a used diaper?
When he's on your ass, and full of shit.


  When the Lord made Man, all the parts of the body argued over 
who would be the Boss. The Brain explained that since he controlled 
all the parts of the body, he should be Boss.
  The Legs argued that since they took the Man herever he wanted to 
go, he should be the Boss.
  The Stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested
all the food, he should be the boss.
  The Eyes said that without them, Man would be helpless, so they 
should be Boss.
  Then the Ass Hole applied for the Job. The other parts of the body
laughed so hard that the ass hole became mad and closed up.
  After a few days the Brain went foggy, the Legs got wobbly, the 
Stomach  got ill, the Eyes got crossed and were unable to see. They 
all finally conceded and made the Ass Hole Boss.
 This proves you don't have to be a Brain to be Boss...Just an Ass Hole.


Rule 1: The Boss is always right! 

Rule 2: In the impossible hypothesis that a subordinate may be 
        right, becomes immediately operative. 

Rule 3: The boss does not sleep; he rests. 

Rule 4: The Boss is never late; he is delayed elsewhere. 

Rule 5: The Boss never leaves his work; his attention is 
        required elsewhere. 

Rule 6: The Boss never reads the paper in his office; he studies. 

Rule 7: The Boss never takes liberties with his secretary; he
        educates her. 

Rule 8: The Boss is always chief, even in his bathing togs. 

Rule 9: Whomsoever may enter the boss's office with an idea of his
        own must leave the office with the boss's ideas. 

Rule 10: If, in your lamentable ignorance, you fail to grasp the
         truth, fear not; return to rule 1.

  Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having 
these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting 
 Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I 
was going to blame it on you."
 A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until 
morale improves.

 A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people 
to get the ones we hired."
 My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's 
unfamiliar territory.
 My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a 
protective barrier.
 My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be 
buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.
 I thought my Boss was a bastard, and quit, to work for myself.  
My new Boss is a bastard, too...but at least I respect him.
 He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. 
He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the 
benefit of a SPINE.
 Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it.
 Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force 
he created to find a solution: " I'm sorry if I ever gave you the 
impression your input would  have any effect on my decision for 
the outcome of this project!"
 HR Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training. 
Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're 
under-qualified for our entry level positions."
 Quote from telephone inquiry "We're only hiring one summer intern 
this year and we won't start interviewing candidates for that position 
until the Boss'daughter finishes her summer classes.

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