Camel Jokes

Camel Jokes

  You always hear that a camel can go 500 miles without water.  
How come nobody's ever bothered to see how far they can go WITH water.

  A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel 
asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?"
  The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your 
toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand".
   "OK" said the son.  A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why
have I got these great long eyelashes?"
  "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips
through the desert"
  "Thanks Mom," replies the son.
  After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I 
got these great big humps on my back??"
  The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They 
are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, 
so we can go without drinking for long periods."
  "That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and 
long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to 
store water, but... Mom?"
  "Yes son?"
  "Why the heck are we in the San Diego Zoo?"

  Jack was a auto mechanic and he had a little cross roads garage out 
in the middle of the desert. One day his friend Omar hurriedly drove 
up and in a near panic said, "My camel is sick and won't get up, can 
you help me?"
  Jack knew nothing about camels or doctoring, but as a friend said 
he would go take a look at the camel. They quickly drove out to Omar's 
place and there in the barn yard laid the camel. Jack got out of Omars 
pickup and slowly walked around the camel three times. He finally 
stopped and kicked the camel hard in the gut.
  The camel let a big fart and got to his feet.
  Jack said, "Just what I thought, vapour-locked."

  A tourist rents a camel from an old Bedouin, who tells him,  
  "It's a very capricious animal, sometimes it stops and won't continue."
  "What do I do then?"
  "You take these two bricks I give you, and when it stops, you get
down, walk behind it, and (*smash*) crush its balls between the bricks!"
  "God, it must hurt terribly!"
  "No, look, if you hold them this way, with your thumbs on the upper
side, it doesn't hurt at all."

A recent tobacco industry survey found that 98% of all men that use
Camels still prefer women.

  A tourist visiting Egypt is wandering through a town, when he happens
upon an Arab washing his camel.  He watches the Arab fondle the camel's
testicles as he announces the time to a passerby.  In awe, the tourist
watches the Arab.  Another person stops to ask the Arab the time and
again he massages and fondles the testicles.  After he again tells the
time, the tourist is completely flabbergasted.  He watches him then for
an hour as people go up to him for the time and with each one, he
fondles the camel's testicles!
  The tourist finally had to know.  He went up to the Arab and said, 
"Excuse me, sir, but I couldn't help but notice that you can get the 
time just by feeling your camel's testicles!  How do you do it?"
  "Quite simple.  Bend down."
  The tourist bends down, as the Arab pushes the testicles out of the 
way and says, "Do you see that clock over there?"

  An englishman an irishman and a scotsman were in the sweltering desert
walking around looking desperatly for something to eat and drink,
when, as if out of nowhere, a camel appeared.
  The englishman caught the camel and spluttered I support "Liverpool, 
so I suppose I better eat the liver."
  The scotsman immediately shouted, "Well I support Hearts so I'll eat 
the heart."
   And then the rather mentally challenged irishman said, "I support 
Arsenal, but I don't feel hungry any more."

  A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.  
On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.  
After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their 
situation.  After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.
  "Well sister, this looks pretty grim."
  "I know, father."
  "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than 
a day or two."
  "I agree."
  "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would 
you do something for me?"
  "Anything father."
  "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might 
see yours."
  "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."
  The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely 
breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
  "Sister would you mind if I touched them?"
  She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
  "Father, could I ask something of you?"
  "Yes sister?"
  "I have never seen a man's penis.  Could I see yours?"
  "I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe.
  "Oh father, may I touch it?"
  This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling 
he was sporting a huge erection.
 "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it 
can give life."
  "Is that true father?"
  "Yes it is, sister."
  "Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and lets get 
the hell out of here."

  This general in the Foreign Legion is transferred to a new fort, and 
half way through his tour of the place, he spots a mangey old camel 
tied up at the back of the fort.
  He turns to the corporal: "What in God's name do you use that for?",
he asks.
  The corporal replies "Well, sir, there are a lot of men, and now and 
then, they become, shall we say, horny...."
  "Ah, yes, yes, I understand.  Fine, move on"
  About 6 weeks later, the general wakes up feeling so horny, he'd get 
up on the crack of dawn and calls the corporal.
  "Bring me to the camel" says he.
  The corporal does, and once at the camel, he makes it stand up, and 
places a stool behind it.  With that, the general stands on the stool, 
takes out Mr Floppy and inserts it into the camel.  He then proceeds 
to give it the ride of its life.  Having finished, he puts away his 
equipment, and looks proudly at the corporal.
  "Well", he says, "is that the way you men do it around here?"
  ", sir", replies the corporal, "We normally just use the camel 
to ride to the nearest brothel."

Why are camels called ships of the desert?
Because they are filled with Arab semen!

The sex life of the camel
Is not as dull as one thinks
For in moments of animal passion,
He makes crude attempts at the Sphinx.
But the Sphinx's posterior passage
Is clogged with the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile.

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