You always hear that a camel can go 500 miles without water. How come nobody's ever bothered to see how far they can go WITH water. A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand". "OK" said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert" "Thanks Mom," replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??" The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods." "That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but... Mom?" "Yes son?" "Why the heck are we in the San Diego Zoo?" Jack was a auto mechanic and he had a little cross roads garage out in the middle of the desert. One day his friend Omar hurriedly drove up and in a near panic said, "My camel is sick and won't get up, can you help me?" Jack knew nothing about camels or doctoring, but as a friend said he would go take a look at the camel. They quickly drove out to Omar's place and there in the barn yard laid the camel. Jack got out of Omars pickup and slowly walked around the camel three times. He finally stopped and kicked the camel hard in the gut. The camel let a big fart and got to his feet. Jack said, "Just what I thought, vapour-locked." A tourist rents a camel from an old Bedouin, who tells him, "It's a very capricious animal, sometimes it stops and won't continue." "What do I do then?" "You take these two bricks I give you, and when it stops, you get down, walk behind it, and (*smash*) crush its balls between the bricks!" "God, it must hurt terribly!" "No, look, if you hold them this way, with your thumbs on the upper side, it doesn't hurt at all." A recent tobacco industry survey found that 98% of all men that use Camels still prefer women. A tourist visiting Egypt is wandering through a town, when he happens upon an Arab washing his camel. He watches the Arab fondle the camel's testicles as he announces the time to a passerby. In awe, the tourist watches the Arab. Another person stops to ask the Arab the time and again he massages and fondles the testicles. After he again tells the time, the tourist is completely flabbergasted. He watches him then for an hour as people go up to him for the time and with each one, he fondles the camel's testicles! The tourist finally had to know. He went up to the Arab and said, "Excuse me, sir, but I couldn't help but notice that you can get the time just by feeling your camel's testicles! How do you do it?" "Quite simple. Bend down." The tourist bends down, as the Arab pushes the testicles out of the way and says, "Do you see that clock over there?" An englishman an irishman and a scotsman were in the sweltering desert walking around looking desperatly for something to eat and drink, when, as if out of nowhere, a camel appeared. The englishman caught the camel and spluttered I support "Liverpool, so I suppose I better eat the liver." The scotsman immediately shouted, "Well I support Hearts so I'll eat the heart." And then the rather mentally challenged irishman said, "I support Arsenal, but I don't feel hungry any more." A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister, this looks pretty grim." "I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two." "I agree." "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" "Anything father." "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours." "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. "Sister would you mind if I touched them?" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. "Father, could I ask something of you?" "Yes sister?" "I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?" "I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe. "Oh father, may I touch it?" This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life." "Is that true father?" "Yes it is, sister." "Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and lets get the hell out of here." This general in the Foreign Legion is transferred to a new fort, and half way through his tour of the place, he spots a mangey old camel tied up at the back of the fort. He turns to the corporal: "What in God's name do you use that for?", he asks. The corporal replies "Well, sir, there are a lot of men, and now and then, they become, shall we say, horny...." "Ah, yes, yes, I understand. Fine, move on" About 6 weeks later, the general wakes up feeling so horny, he'd get up on the crack of dawn and calls the corporal. "Bring me to the camel" says he. The corporal does, and once at the camel, he makes it stand up, and places a stool behind it. With that, the general stands on the stool, takes out Mr Floppy and inserts it into the camel. He then proceeds to give it the ride of its life. Having finished, he puts away his equipment, and looks proudly at the corporal. "Well", he says, "is that the way you men do it around here?" "Er...no, sir", replies the corporal, "We normally just use the camel to ride to the nearest brothel." Why are camels called ships of the desert? Because they are filled with Arab semen! The sex life of the camel Is not as dull as one thinks For in moments of animal passion, He makes crude attempts at the Sphinx. But the Sphinx's posterior passage Is clogged with the sands of the Nile, Which accounts for the hump on the camel, And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile. |
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